Adult children contributing to costs

You might change your tune if you have a a 32 year old, a 34 yo an 36 year old "living at home" for free, whilst they earn £45-50k each, and you struggle to pay the bills as you're lower income.

It's easy to be all high and mighty, but I can guarantee that OP loves their kid just as much as you live yours... But still wan/need them to contribute to the household.

DS pays 400pm which includes food and basic toiletries. If he wants nicer stuff he buys it himself. He earns a good wage, more than me, and will treat us to a takeaway sometimes. He is also generous with his younger student sibling, paying for cinema etc.

Having read your updates, I don't think YANBU, OP. Plus you are a single parent.

I mean those things make sense to charge for. If it’s expenditure purely for them such as the sky movies and what not. But if you had those things when he was 17 his not cost you extra at 18 you’ve just lost whatever benefits you where claiming for him.

Nothing
They are saving for a deposit

I did a spreadsheet of all household expenses. Removed the ones that are paid by us regardless of use, rent, etc. Remaining was split by the number of adults.

I have a 25 and 23 year old and they pay £250 each per month. They earn 25k and 39k and there’s an expectation that they save a big chunk of their salary which they do.
We’re all happy with the arrangement.

What if he eats some of your food?

You’re going to charge him?

What if he eats some of yours?

He’s going to charge you?

No wonder he wants to move abroad.

Wow to you too 🙄

@OhmygodDont, it's not always quite so straightforward. We only had ridiculously fast internet because adult DS wanted it. Now he's gone we have a much cheaper internet. We only had Sky Movies because DS wanted to watch it. DH and I never watched it and cancelled it once DS left. We also cancelled the Virgin extra room as DS wanted to watch TV in his room. When DS lived at home we had these things because we wanted him to enjoy living at home but really DH and I just don't need or use them. Our takeaway might got £15-£18 cheaper each week too. Just on things mentioned above we've found it is £180 pcm cheaper. We've also saved a lot on electricity particularly as DS had air conditioning in his room and that uses a lot of electricity. He also always tumbled dried his laundry even in the summer. Our water bill is cheaper now too. Savings on electricity and water is £140 pcm. We've saved on food too. We used to buy his favourites. He didn't eat at home every night but 4-5 nights a week and took lunch from home most days. We've saved about £80-£100 pcm on food and he still eats with us at least once a week. All in all we were charging him £300 pcm and now he's left we are probably £100 pcm better off.

That’s so wrong.

You should be charging them half their wages, and calculating how much toothpaste and toilet paper they use - then charging them for it.

Just wow, oh wow.

Some of these posts.

Calculating to the last amount of electricity used.

To the last piece of toilet paper used to wipe one’s bum.

Such business acumen!

By all means charge your children a nominal amount, or have them pick up a bill or two.

But unless you’re on the bones of your arse, let them save the majority of their wages.

It’s a cold, hard world out there.

They’re going to need all the money possible when they flee your miserly nest, cheapskates!

I wouldn’t dream of charging rent to my working dc. They sometimes buy their own food themselves. They are saving money and will leave when ready. In fact I will be giving them money to add to that for their house/ flat deposits.

"Can't afford them" they're not children, they're adults with full time jobs. Why should anyone being paying for the keep of an adult in full time employment.

I am going to be charging them nothing for rent and food at home. However, I can afford it. DD will pay for anything she eats outside, or any special food she wants, or transport.

People have to do what they need to do; it doesnt' matter what others do.

@Taciturn, but why don't you trust your DC to save independently. Why treat them as incapable?

@LazyBumMum

oh yes of course when you decide to have children you should factor in whether or not you can subsidise them until the day they die. Honestly where does it end?! Do you still live at home and get subsidised by your parents?

@ssd

lol being an adult means paying your way and contributing. End of.
oh, and they’re not kids.

well id be showing your non dependant the table and suggest they might like to do some proper research into charge for staying at home living before they open the flood gates next time - their friends obviously weren't a good gauge of how much was the going rate

Spare rooms dot com is around average £550 in my area and that is all bills included but not food

So how much are you asking for Op? .

My Ds is about to start an apprenticeship . I need to see how it affects my Uc . Like you council tax will increase but once paid he will start paying his travel expenses himself. It’s about teaching them some of it is there’s to pay .

i call it board it isn’t rent it’s contribution to household

Half of their pay? Wow!
And some posters charging £500!

Harsh.

£70 pounds per month for a phone????? Wow!

I paid my mum £250pm 20 years ago for rent/food.

Ot should be £500pm now due to cost of living.

I hope you're ‘gently’ pointing out to them that if they expect to live at family rates, they’ll be expected to muck in as family too, and their contribution to the costs of the house won’t be including laundry and maid service!

I don't agree with the concept of paying rent unless you're in the situation where you'd take in a lodger or really need to downsize if they weren't around. Maybe if you were doing the "take rent and give it back to them in future as a kind of savings" thing, but even then I'd rather they just saved themselves.

But I definitely don't think it's unreasonable to ask them to pay the expenses you incur having them around as long as the expenses are accurate to what they actually use. For example, I wouldn't expect them to pay 1/4 of a family of four's weekly shop if they were eating out a lot (eg lunch at work, not eating dinner at home a few times a week) or if the family bill included expensive items they don't consume.