Adult children contributing to costs

My DS tends to boomerang between flat shares with friends and home. I don't charge him for anything I'd be paying anyway, like the mortgage, water bill etc. I just ask that he contributes towards the food bill because adults get through a lot of food. Asking kids for 'rent' is morally wrong imo, since it's the family home and you likely wouldn't be renting to a stranger if they weren't there.

I don't think it's right for parents to make a profit from their kids living at home, but neither should they have loads of increased costs.
Last time DS was living here, he paid £200 per month. If he was increasing my council tax bill, I'd ask him to cover the difference.

So in your shoes I'd literally charge what it costs to keep him. If he's not happy with that, he has the option to live with friends in a house share.

Oh don't be so ridiculous!

I can’t afford to have 4 kids. I’m not that rich.

Because the rent and bills still needs paying ... and if the parent is now £100 sort each month.. then perhaps the other earning adult in the house should provide that?

Otherwise the parents could move to a smaller place and pay less rent, council tax, bills etc basically somewhere that they could afford.

£60 a week (he's paid weekly). He pays all his own bills (maintenance for his child, car expenses, mobile phone etc), and will often pay for a takeaway for us all if I'm grumbling about being fed up with cooking 😀

You can help them save AND help the realise they have to contribute and be an adult etc.

I suspect you'd change your tune if you had 4 kids, all adults, all earning decent money, contributing £0, whilst you were on minimum wage subsidising their living - all whilst they happily let you pay all the bills and watch you struggle. If you think that's something for your kids to aspire to (being selfish, inconsiderate people, then shame on you. Kids in our family are not be brought up to watch their loved ones struggle and support them, my 20 yo nephew works as a porter in a hospital, pays £400 rent and half food bills, also helps contribute to any unexpected costs, like if the car needs repairing. He happily contributes - and often offers more - he asked my sister last week if she was sue the £400 was enough and did she needs more?. He is still able to save money and be a decent person by helping contribute to the household.
My niece is 24, still lives with parents, but insisted on paying more than the £50 the parents asked for - she said it's not fair, she is earning money and she happily pays them £250. She is working as admin in a accountancy firm - she thinks its right to help pay towards living costs.

The alternative is to ask them to leave, which would cost them multiple times what they’d pay for living at home. It’s not a choice for parents who literally do not have the money to buy food for their adult children.

It’s your choice.

You can help your children get on their own two feet by letting them save the majority of their earnings whilst they live at home.

Or you can have them live a life of miserliness and poverty like you —living on beans on toast, charging them for Christmas dinner, watching every morsel of food that goes into their mouths like a hawk . . .

Maybe start charging the grandkids a fiver every time they come over so that you can squeeze some moolah out of them too.

Are they independent adults though if they have to rely on parents to pay for everything does that mean they have to do what the parent says who makes choices on work, life partners, where you live etc ...we've had posters on here who's parents choose their furniture dictate on holidays children's names etc and they can't no because mum and dad own our house and pay our bills.

That's a really mean comment ..how do you know the financial position of the parents many could have been struggling to put food on the table have now lost child benefit faced with increased bills and are supposed to carry on struggling and going without basics so the adult children can save thousands party and holiday, not everyone is as rich as you.

Soin my culture, parents never charge their children anything.. DC may chip in for groceries but it's a v informal and fluid arrangement. Are all people from such cultures infants? My mum routinely pays for my stuff when I visit; I routinely pay for hers. No money exchanged.

Oh do behave. I charged my kids keep (15% of their take home pay), because a good parent doesn’t infantilise their children into their thirties. They teach them that being an adult is expensive and that they are responsible for themselves. I could afford not to charge them, but I believe that as they’re adults they need to start taking responsibility for themselves. I didn’t profit, it was a token payment towards their costs. I also gave them a deposit for a house, which was probably 10 times more than they’d ever paid in keep.

That isn’t “greed”, it’s being a responsible parent. There are so many threads on here about man-baby husbands who behave like children, or run up enormous debts. Or women who are just starting a family life complaining that they can’t afford a “lifestyle” on top of their living costs. It’s easy to see how they’ve ended up like this when Mummy and Daddy have been pandering to them all their lives.

So, you can't imagine a single scenario where a child was born into a secure income home, and something happens where the parent(s) absolutely rely on the CB to make ends meet?

Nothing at all? Never heard of domestic violence...job lossless... injury... Long term illnesses... Marriage breakdowns...

And you can't imagine a world where when that parent loses £250 of income a month, that a working adult that lives in the home might need to contribute to the bills in order to ensure the heating remains on, the electricity is paid, the rent is paid... How are they supposed to do that with less money than is needed? All whilst there's another adult earning £30k?

Honestly, some people are so narrow minded and arrogant living in their perfect world where nothing goes wrong.

SOME PEOPLE CAN'T AFFORD TO SUPPORT ANOTHER ADULT.

The word 'interested' is a MN buzzword now?!! Love it!

I posted about my situation upthread.
No I don't know about that poster's circumstances other than what she told us.

She went on to generalise, though, and said I don’t think there’s a huge difference to having an extra person in the house if two are already living there. That's what I was responding to.

I also felt it was a bit tone deaf to come onto a thread from an OP who is struggling to make ends meet, and basically say 'well my parents were fine!' So my reply also implied that maybe a bit of personal experience as the bill payer would provide some useful empathy and perspective down the track. But then the thread is full of posters doing similar, so maybe I was unfair to pick on this one.

Parental greed? Once my kids have left university, I'll only be about 10 years off retirement, I want to save to enjoy that after working all my adult life. Other people simply won't have the spare cash to support children who may be earning similar amounts to what their parents earn.

I would be disappointed if my kids thought it would be better to mooch off us rather than pay their own way. It's just helicopter parenting extended into adulthood.

Because if you’re a single parent to one child, then when the child reaches adulthood you could downsize to a smaller 1-bed flat, with cheaper bills, or alternatively take a lodger to make up the shortfall.

I see so many posts on here “oh I’m losing child benefit so they need to pay” posts. Why do people have children if they’re so desperately relying on child benefit etc? It boggles my mind. Some people are are just tight with money I assume and use this an excuse to fleece their children.

Does it boggle your mind that some people are actually not that well off? That you’ve no idea how they came to be in the circumstances they’re describing, where loss of child benefit, child maintenance and an increase in council tax can mean the difference between getting by and going under? You live a tiny, unimaginative life if so, and one of great privilege.

Like us, some parents don’t see a massive rise in bills when their children move back home so why charge them for living in their family home? You have absolutely no idea of the poster you quoted’s parents financial situation. I’ll use the MN buzzword of the year as you have. I’d be “interested” to see what your situation is since you feel it appropriate to ask someone else.

I dont get some people that as soon as their child starts work they want money and its a lot sometimes.

I don’t understand this either. I find it very odd and you often get the “oh but it teaches budgeting skills” shit trotted out. Our children have been brought up to budget, it doesn’t take until they’re working to understand budgeting for things.

I see so many posts on here “oh I’m losing child benefit so they need to pay” posts. Why do people have children if they’re so desperately relying on child benefit etc? It boggles my mind. Some people are are just tight with money I assume and use this an excuse to fleece their children.

I’ve read today one parent taking half of their child’s salary. It’s ridiculous. Some parents take a percent of their salary and I wonder how they come to that conclusion. Do they sit and work out every shower the children take?

So much inequality.

Some kids saving £30, 000 a year - in 4 years that’s £120, 000. Nice deposit on a flat.

Some kids start their independent life in a grubby bedsit, eating pot noodles for dinner without a pot to piss in because of avaricious, money-hungry parents.

They see their kids’ first paycheque, and £ signs dance before their eyes.

They start charging them for food, toiletries, toilet paper, laundry detergent toothpaste — anything they can think of.

All greed is bad, but parental greed is the worst 😢.

Dd is 1st years ECT teacher so just over £30k
We charge her £200 pcm because she has bought a car which she needs to get to work ( or anywhere-Weare rural ) ads savings a deposit to buy a property with her bf

What has she said that suggests she's not listening, surely the fact she's posting says she's listening? Or do you mean she should do what they ask because "my friends don't pay that"

I’m not suggesting they should replace the lost money, but they should pay for their own costs. Losing £600 a month is a big hit, but then you’re still left paying maybe £200 a month to feed them and extra money for the bills etc. If they moved out you wouldn’t be paying the extra costs. If they stay at home they should cover what it’s costing the parent to have them there. Young adult males eat a LOT of food!

It'll be interesting to see if you change your mind when you've experienced the other perspective for yourself!

But wouldn't you lose most of that (other than the council tax reduction) regardless of whether the child was living at home or not (because they are no longer a child)?

So why is it up to them to replace those monies? Are you suggesting that they should be paying their parent(s) even if they aren't living at home? Otherwise, I don't see that those other money losses having anything to do with the discussion of charging an (adult) child for expenses for living at home.