Adult children contributing to costs

I was really taken by the fact that when my dds boyfriend stayed for a month (I was away and he came to stay) That when I returned he asked me if I wanted him to pay rent, as obviously he'd been showering, cooking etc. DD does pay a contribution to the household and its on the low side, but so are my bills fortunatley.

It made think so much more of him as a person, he wants to pay his own way and offered.

I refused as for me he was here whilst I was away and it didn't cost me anything. They are buying a house together and moving in soon.

My son is 25... hes on just over 50k...i ask for £100 a month...he is saving to buy a house on his own so im happy to help in this way.

Maybe you’re landed gentry yourself given that you can’t countenance a person not being able to support an adult child, but no Mosely’s programmes are not poverty porn. They are every day normal families who need educating on their eating habits.

So I'm one of those people who would be taking in a lodger if not for having DC at home. I could get £650 a month for a room (due to where I live). I don't have a partner.

I charge DS £300 p/m currently which was a mutually agreed figure. I rent (from a HA) so rent, CT, utilities etc come to £1200 a month. So while his £300 helps out, it's only a quarter of my costs (I don't count food in that, we each buy our own). That is my concession to him being my child! Having him live here and pay £300 as opposed to getting over twice that from a lodger. He benefits by only paying half what he'd be paying to live out of home.

Or if I didn't have to factor in any DC living here, I could downsize to a cheaper part of the country. My rent currently is £850 p/m, I could exchange somewhere smaller/cheaper and be paying £400 instead. I would either do that or get a lodger.

So far from "profiting" from my child, its costing me approx 4k a year to have him here, even with his contribution. That's fine. I'm happy to do it. I'm not happy to have people accuse me of profiting from him!

Just checked out some of Michael Moseley’s episodes on youtube.

I’d never heard of him before.

Some of his episodes:

My Weekly Food Shop Is Out of Control 🫤

My Mum Thinks I have a Takeway Problem🫤

My Weekly Shop Is Making Me Bloated.🫤

You really watch that kind of crap? Most of those people seem poor. I’m afraid I don’t really approve of this kind of exploitative TV programming.

There was an episode of Michael Moseley’s programme recently where a young couple were living rent free with his Mum so they could save for a deposit. It turned out that they were secretly spending £300 a week on takeaways! If I was his mother I’d have been furious. Two full-time wages between them and they’re sponging off an old woman while they live like kings. Completely shameless.

I can imagine lots of parents being shocked to discover they’ve let their little darlings live at home for years and provided for all their needs, only to discover they haven’t actually saved a bean by the age of 30.

5 years ago, £400 a month.

I fully intend to charge my children, up to, full market rent, depending on their income. I don't need the money. My intention was to save it all for them (or they could save it themselves) so they could have more towards a house deposit or something like that, starting a business, more education etc. Also, it gets them used to budgeting and living on a smaller amount of money, it replicates real live much more.
If however, you need the money, yes, absolutely charge your children what the cost you to keep them. They're adults after all.

Well, obviously none of the ones still housing their grown children.

Parental greed. Bloody hell.

I'd ingore @LazyBumMum tbh, she lives in a perfect world where nothing ever goes wrong and no-one is struggling for money. She is so protected in her little bubble, that she can't even imagine a world different to her own.

What if they aren't saving? Do you demand to see bank details? What if they are still at home in their late 20's?

Yes, you could. But that relies on the adult offspring having somewhere to move into ...

I feel like the "it's parental greed" crew are the same people who wilfully misinterpret what "performance parenting" is LOL. they're on those threads going "so what if I talk to my kids, I love talking to them" .

There's a half way too you know.

It's not 'free' or 'all of your salary '.

It can be 10% of take home, which allows saving, spending and fiscal responsibility as well

I think you're talking BS and from a position of complete privilege.

A 2/3 bedroom house were we are, starts from £70k. £120k would get you a 2 bed in a good area. Your example shows that you need to consider what life is like in lower income areas.
When my youngest DD was 21 (and started earning proper wages), she paid for her own expenses. Bills I would have had, broadband, TV licence etc I didn't ask for a contribution. I wasn't petty, I got us a take away/bottle of wine etc. All of my DD's have been grateful that they wasn't babied, they are often shocked at how immature/irresponsible their peers are and how their parents pick up the pieces. Which they'd find smothering. They all budget really well and got onto the property ladder early and have good holidays. My youngest recently got plantation blinds and comments in work was made about affording them. To which my DD replied was why she'd dropped down to eating work lunch out to once a month and will get a bus instead of a taxi. Some young adults will need the practical application of life/budgeting skills.

And how many parents actually do that??
I agree with the parental greed on here. It's quite astounding.

Some would probably shoot me down, if I say how much my daughter gives me.

I'm shocked how little some of you charge.

Just glad my daughter knows she can't live at home for free.

If you are poor and on benefits then the chances your children will escape the cycle of generational poverty is slim (especially in the current economic climate). That’s what research says. So carry on.

Everybody else should allow their children to save the MAJORITY of their earnings whilst they are living at home so they can save for a flat or house deposit, or have as much money saved as possible when they leave home.

Current child rate on universal credit is £330 , so add that to loss of child benefit, loss of single person council tax discount and reduction in housing benefit due to having a working adult in the house then the loss to the parent will easily reach £400+ per month.

Mine pays me £250 a month which I think is fair. I have DH here too so council tax is the same if they live here or not. I buy most of the food and they also contribute to the running of the house by doing all the washing and mowing the lawn and cooking a few meals each week.

Hyperbole much?

My parents were well off.

I still paid a proportion of my salary (we're talking 50+ years ago)

I was lucky, I got it back as a house deposit But it didn't hurt me to hand it over and if they'd kept it, that would have been up to them

You might find yourself in a situation where you can't afford the kids you already have. And you might have some sympathy to those parents who struggle through no fault of their own.