Adult children contributing to costs

As long as she provides free childcare when she's needed otherwise it's bread and gruel.

My DPs charged 25%, I always thought it was fair. When we were saving for a house deposit they said to save it instead - and I did, I was earning £1200/mth then, £1000 went into savings.

My son is 18 he's an apprentice and gives me £50 week contribution. I'm a single parent and his contribution really help me

Ha ha of course she would, otherwise she's just being greedy...

"You really watch that kind of crap? Most of those people seem poor. I’m afraid I don’t really approve of this kind of exploitative TV programming."

Snotty much?

I remember that episode - the only person being exploited was the poor mum, who was housing her adult son, his partner and their kids iirc, while they blew loads of money on takeaways that were making them both broke and unhealthy!

I have a little bit of experience with this - DS and his girlfriend (who had nowhere else to go) lived with me for a couple of years. Both had jobs - not well paid but full time. We had supported them through A levels (and resits!) and when they decided not to go to university and started work, I agreed they didn't have to contribute so long as they saved half of their wages for their futures. Did they fuck? They were getting Lush and Hello Fresh deliveries and spending their savings, while we were doing everything we could to accommodate them and give them a decent head start to adulthood. In retrospect it did them no favours. They now rent and are responsible for all their own bills and although they need their own space, financially it's hard. And I feel sad that they squandered the opportunity to really save and benefit from a free home to live in. And I hate that I put up with all their mess and having a crowded home for those extra years, with no discernible benefit to them in the long run.
But paying bills is a lesson they've had to learn.

Other dc is thinking of moving back home for a couple of years to add to house deposit savings. He's done the flat share thing and has realised that there are real benefits to living at home temporarily. I will ask him to contribute towards the food bill, but none of my other expenses are really affected. I know he will save though, because he really does want to buy a home.

In short, I think it's perfectly fine to charge adult working kids what it costs to keep them, but not to profit. And to only do it if you can be sure they appreciate the luxury of living without bills and will genuinely save their money for their future!

@LazyBumMum

would you live off beans and toast and wash your hair in washing up liquid and not buy clothes etc to avoid your adult offspring contributing to the house hold?

My teenage son gets a bursary from college and has recently started a part time job. He pays his phone bill from the bursary but nothing else.
We've discussed 'digs' from the job and agreed that he pays 25% of his wages.
Even if I was in a well off position, I would still expect him to contribute to the household. He still has plenty of disposable income to spend/save.

Read my posts and you will see for god sake it was a discussion on others and a poster saying you should starve rather than ask an adult to contribute.

£100 a month but I'm mortgage free. I sometimes will tip her Isa with the £100 she gives me but not every month. She's 20 and earns around £19k

This sounds like Daily Mail tabloid kind of stuff; I sincerely hope that it’s not your own lived experience. If it is, I’m shocked that your adult offspring would party it up, have their nails done, whilst their parents live on one meal a day. They sound criminal. They ought to be in jail. What kind of monsters have you raised, woman 🫤?

Genuinely do not understand this. Appreciate child benefit stops and if on other benefits they may be reduced but would that be by £400pcm? If not, I'm not sure how the parent would have to pay that in order to cope when they were living before. Personally I think it's a balance. We are parents for life so should be there for our children and help them pave their way but also we need to teach them to be independent which includes learning fiscal responsibility

I think a lot of people posting don't realise that it's a privilege in itself to have a family home to go back to. Both me and my sister were out on our asses at 16 for various reasons (none of which were our fault).

I never wanted my DC to feel that way so they have both bounced back home at various times. But I can't afford to support grown adults who have incomes of their own. Nor would they want me to.

Yes it was suggested parents could live on beans on toast rather than be greedy and make money from their adult children

Omg has someone actually said you should go without food so that your offspring don’t have to contribute to the household?!

Cheapest I can find is £500 doesn't include bills, that's for a house share.

My adult children happily contributed, my eldest helped the youngest through university.
In my area renting a room in a shared house is £800 a month. So £600 would be cheap.
Now they both have their own homes I'm saving £100 a week just on food. Downgraded internet saving £60 a month, water is down £20 to £30, utility bills are half. I have 2 spare rooms that if I need to a can rent for £1500 to £1600 a month combined no food, I have no pension as having disabled and sick family meant I hit bad times.
My comments were to the poster saying you should go without food rather than ask your Adult offspring for rent.

If your child would willingly watch you live like that sharing a home you did a bad job raising them.

There is a difference between and a huge gap between demanding £600 a month or whatever and your child offering a food shop, topping up the gas/electric if you are prepay etc.

So your telling parents to starve while their adult off spring party, save, have nails done etc you really have no idea no wonder we have a generation of entitled young adults if any is happy to watch their parents live on one meal a day while they live it up something is really wrong. Hopefully they will be too selfish to ever have children because they are unlikely to have the compassion needed.

My parents never ever asked me to contribute anhtbing to the household but I did so voluntarily. Now, I have my own kids and I doubt I'd ever take anything from them - and even if I do, I'll save it on their behalf.

That is so low. Unless my kid was excellent at saving, I don't see why they would need 90% of their income to be disposable income. If they are going to spend it in unnecessary things I would rather charge them more and save for them

Depends how much they make? Ideally calculate how much it would cost for them to live in their own place , for example, rent 1 bed apartment, bills and food, charge them that and put it away for them to save for a deposit? That is if you can absorb the cost of them living at yours, if you can't then use some of the money to make up for the increased costs to your household and put the rest away in savings for them.

Once I was finished education and working full time I was expected to pay 10% of my salary as were my siblings. It wasn’t so much I couldn’t save for my own place but it helped towards bills/food.

Grasping and miserly... Or just aware of how much stuff costs?

You're very fortunate.

Why do you say that? They need to be paying realistic amounts, given the OP’s situation!

Yes true @jannier but I just won't be able to ask my DC to pay general food costs and electricity bills unless I am driven to it by sheer necessity. I often go and stay with my mum for a month at a time- she is in another country- and she would be highly insulted if I offer to pay towards food or bills.

They are not in work yet, but I anticipate asking them to pay for any special food , gym memberships, takeaways, clothes and things like that.

I suppose all of this is privilege and if we were in poverty things would be different.