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Original poster

AIBU to wish that there was dedicated housing for quiet people?

190 replies

NoMoreNoisePlease · 02/06/2024 13:40

I’m Autistic(Diagnosed) and I’ve never been a fan of noise but I’m becoming increasingly noise averse as I’m approaching middle age.

I don’t expect complete silence and I actively enjoy hearing two of my neighbours’ children play and having fun but some others seem to spend 3/4 of their time screaming. Why do so many children seem to scream now?

Plus there’s the thump of footballs, rusty trampoline springs, people playing loud music, fireworks and so many other loud intrusive noises.

I want to get away from it all but moving rurally(I’m semi rural) isn’t really the best option for me due to disabilities.

I think that I’m going to have to move to an over 50s complex as soon as I’m old enough. Though I fear the blaring televisions.

AIBU to wish that there was specific housing for quiet noise averse people like me?

OP posts:
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6
buffyslayer · 02/06/2024 22:17

The screaming drives me mad. Next door have a swimming pool and a trampoline in a tiny garden so its right next to the fence

My garden is unusable when they're out which is often until 10pm, full on screaming all day and evening
I sat out once so far this year when they were away and it was absolute bliss
I got told on here I WBU and children scream, then I posted the video of the noise and everyone was oh god not like that

achipandachair · 02/06/2024 22:13

I think the thing is to try to keep your options as open as possible - easier said than done - I can't realistically move now for various reasons but when my kids are older I hope to find somewhere quieter and then not get too attached to it, stay debt free and fairly nimble because the chances of just one individual landing in a neighbourhood and making it miserable are always high. I moved into my end of terrace when the house I was attached to contained a lovely kind chatty old lady who moved after a few years to a flat. The couple who moved in are awful. They are so awful that when I meet new people in the area and we chat about where we live and I tell them, they say " Ah, next door to the loud guy?" I have made my peace with the fact that this street (and the few back to back) are now his environment, not mine (or all the other people who were perfectly quiet and peaceful before) and that could happen anywhere I go

Original poster
NoMoreNoisePlease · 02/06/2024 21:23

And yes if I did have a community like that then quiet would obviously be something that we all wanted hence why we chose it. Just as I imagine that most people who attend a Jazz festival are there because they enjoy Jazz and aren’t actually there under duress.

OP posts:
PricklyPearNoThornsPlease · 02/06/2024 21:19

Thelastbitofketchup · 02/06/2024 21:13

I’m not expecting the neighbours to do anything.

err, you’re quite literally expecting them to be the kind of quiet that suits you😆

Yes, in her fantasy community. Not in real life.

If such a community existed, people who didn’t want to live like that wouldn’t have to.

Not sure why you have such an issue with the idea of a designated quiet community?

NoMoreNoisePlease · 02/06/2024 21:19

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

Feckedupbundle · 02/06/2024 21:15

I hate to rain on anyone's parade,but buying a detached house in a rural area is no guarantee of it being quiet.
I live in one,and was out in my garden last night and could hear the thump thump thump of drum and bass. It was coming from the next village,a mile away. It did stop at midnight,so not an issue,but sound really carries in the countryside,there is no background noise to mask it. I can hear the kids in the primary school a mile away screaming at break time,and the railway 6 miles away,if the wind is in the right direction.

I'm a noise hater,and never allowed my kids to scream for no reason,I remember them having a friend around who did and it was awful. I never invited her again after that.

Thelastbitofketchup · 02/06/2024 21:13

I’m not expecting the neighbours to do anything.

err, you’re quite literally expecting them to be the kind of quiet that suits you😆

Vettrianofan · 02/06/2024 21:10

Graceandfavor · 02/06/2024 20:37

Yes I’d love that. No music in the garden, nothing audible between houses and silence between 10.00 and 7.00 am

Silence between 10pm and 7am. This for me in spades.

emmetgirl · 02/06/2024 21:08

That sounds bloody marvellous
I'm not ND but I do love a bit of peace and quiet 🤫

70isaLimitNotaTarget · 02/06/2024 21:07

https://www.imdb.com/title/tt0112703/?ref_=nm_flmg_t_59_act

This put me off selective gated community living . They didn't like barking dogs either . (Spoiler - the dog didn't bark after this )

The Colony (TV Movie 1995) ⭐ 5.7 | Crime, Drama, Thriller

1h 29m | 15

https://www.imdb.com/title/tt0112703?ref_=nm_flmg_t_59_act

MotherOfCatBoy · 02/06/2024 20:59

I think society as a whole has become inured to constant noise, such that a person from 100 years ago would not recognise how we live and would be assaulted by all the sounds. Such as:
cars, all the time, everywhere, but particularly major roads which can be heard from a mile or so away (we all learned how quiet it can be without them during lockdown)
televisions on all the time or piped music in shops and bars etc
engines of one kind or another
power tools including my pet hate, the leaf blower

So it isn’t surprising that the volume of humans, as it were - screaming kids, shouting adults - has risen against the tide of background noise.

The only way I can get true quiet is to get up early, and preferably on a nice day get outside in my back garden before 8 to hear the birds. Any later than that and the traffic noise, builders, bin men and school kids get going, and another day of noise is in full swing…

Original poster
NoMoreNoisePlease · 02/06/2024 20:58

Of course but it does seem that a few places like it exist to varying degrees as others have mentioned and I genuinely am got to look into quieter places even if I do have to wait until I’m 50, but it is infuriating to be told that because we have autism/misophonia/ or just plain don’t like noise that our only option is to live in the middle of nowhere even if it isn’t feasible. It’s ableist to be so dismissive of autism when noise causes me very real problems. I also incredibly irritating to be told that I am demanding that my neighbours not do X, Y or Z when I have done nothing of the sort. That’s equally a fantasy. I’m the one wanting to spend my time and money adapting to my needs. I’m not expecting the neighbours to do anything.

OP posts:
Vettrianofan · 02/06/2024 20:55

BiscuityBoyle · 02/06/2024 17:34

Great in theory but the most noise I get in my house is from next door but one and next door but two. Next door but two will play music in his garden on full blast. Next door but one is a fog horn of a woman. Honestly, my downstairs is knocked through. I can be at the front of my house but if my back window is open I can hear her talking to her kids in her garden. Two houses away.

Show quote history

Thanks for reassuring me that detached also has it's own set of problems...

Myblindsaredown · 02/06/2024 20:50

NoMoreNoisePlease · 02/06/2024 17:28

I suspect what you mean is you just want people around you to live how you want them to.

there are plenty of houses in the middle of nowhere; where does it stop- too loud wave? Too loud birds? Car in the distance

That’s for me to decide where my tolerance limits are. And the point of the community would be that we change our environment to suit ourselves and leave everyone else to live as they wish. Besides as I already posted in my OP and which you apparently decided to ignore, living in the middle of nowhere doesn’t work for me due to various disabilities that I have.

I’m wondering if you’re one of those people who are so wedded to the idea that they have every right to make as much noise as possible regardless of the impact on their neighbours because you seem terribly offended/put out by the idea that some of us would prefer/ indeed require a quieter way of life. I fail to see why that offends you when it requires no accommodation from you because I presume that you’d hardly be the first in line to sign up for it.

Goodness you’re taking this very seriously. Even attacking posters. You fo know it’s a fantasy right?

Mostlycarbon · 02/06/2024 20:45

Cazzovuoi · 02/06/2024 14:27

Adult only apartment complexes and housing estates are my dream.

I can’t stand kids and am always happy to pay premium to avoid them!

When you were a kid, could you not stand yourself?

Graceandfavor · 02/06/2024 20:37

Yes I’d love that. No music in the garden, nothing audible between houses and silence between 10.00 and 7.00 am

Timeturnerplease · 02/06/2024 20:27

I can live with most kind of noise, but other people playing music outside through speakers gives me the absolute rage. I can’t explain it. Screaming children, lawnmowers etc do not faze me.

Sign me up for a village that completely bans speaker music and I will sell my soul to live there.

Vettrianofan · 02/06/2024 20:23

NoMoreNoisePlease · 02/06/2024 15:27

I wish that I could move to Switzerland.

Same here. I would give anything for those rules...

UnctuousUnicorns · 02/06/2024 19:59

fitzwilliamdarcy · 02/06/2024 14:00

In theory yes but I know parents who use the quiet coach on trains in the hope that it helps their noisy kids be quiet (it never works).

I would absolutely love it though. Sick to death of kids screaming and kicking footballs all over the place outside my house when there’s an enormous park 3 minutes away.

Thus it ever was. My mum used to fume about the kids kicking footballs around outside our house, when there was a park just across the road. This was over forty years ago. 🤷‍♀️

BiscuityBoyle · 02/06/2024 19:54

RedToothBrush · 02/06/2024 19:16

Unfortunately sometimes noisy things are necessary.

You need to learn to cope with them.

Cos reality.

Of course noisy things are sometimes necessary.
Blaring music is not necessary.
Shouting at your children is not necessary.

Vistada · 02/06/2024 19:46

Kianai · 02/06/2024 19:42

Very easy to spot the noisy neighbours on this thread 🤣

Must have hit a nerve op, I can't imagine being this snarky or dismissive of someone saying they would like to live in a community, in a way that would affect NOONE else at all that didnt want to live there.

Is making noise no fun if there is noone to listen to sufferthrough it?

Edited
Show quote history

I wasn't actually having a go at the OP! I think it's a good, if blue sky, idea. My thread history comprises of moaning about tinkerer neighbours and footnalls at fences so I certainly sympathise.

Hell is other people as they say.

I was actually mocking the competitive edge this thread has taken (as it often does on MN) as to who can be the most quiet.

Particularly loving the silent mime dogs

ButternutSoup · 02/06/2024 19:46

Thelastbitofketchup · 02/06/2024 15:16

it Exists
https://www.rightmove.co.uk/properties/141024821
plenty more like that take your pick
hth
so sick of people trying to police other people to their wants

It doesn't sound to me like OP wants to police others; it seems she accepts this is the world we live in, but she is exploring the idea of having designated quiet housing for people like us who find noise pollution distressing.

Studies have shown that noise pollution has negative health effects, and Switzerland has strict laws governing when noise is and isn't allowed.

I'm not saying we should necessarily be like Switzerland, but I think there is room for discussing how to make accommodations for people with different needs.

Kianai · 02/06/2024 19:42

Vistada · 02/06/2024 19:35

My neighbours didn't realise I was even here for two years as I generally float above floors and through walls - I lip read my tv on silent and communicate only through the written word.

Genuinely don't know how others can be so noisy!

Very easy to spot the noisy neighbours on this thread 🤣

Must have hit a nerve op, I can't imagine being this snarky or dismissive of someone saying they would like to live in a community, in a way that would affect NOONE else at all that didnt want to live there.

Is making noise no fun if there is noone to listen to sufferthrough it?

setmestraightplease · 02/06/2024 19:41

@NoMoreNoisePlease Yes! Yes! YES! (er .... didn't mean to shout that last 'yes' 🙂)
People used to be considerate about their neighbours and causing noise that might be a nuisance to them - but nowadays people seem to be all about 'it's my right to live as I want / make as much noise as I want / as long as I'm happy and expressing my true self'

I'll happily form a (quiet!) community with you 🙂

ButternutSoup · 02/06/2024 19:40

RoseUnder · 02/06/2024 15:22

Switzerland already has these rules to enforce peace and quiet especially in evenings and on weekends.

The rules are followed to the letter by the population who all vote for, agree with and appreciate them!

This is from a Swiss Government website;
“Peace and quiet is important to our quality of life. It enables people to relax, sleep well, concentrate, and to hear each other. Noise, meanwhile, is intrusive, and causes illness.”

https://www.bafu.admin.ch/bafu/en/home/topics/noise/in-brief.html

It's wonderful that they take the negative health effects of noise pollution seriously. There have been many times in my life that I've dreamed of moving to Switzerland for this very reason. But for now, I just use a loud fan to provide white noise to cover the neighbourhood noise.