To think I’m not becoming an alcoholic

I would say you don’t have a healthy relationship with drink.

You use it as a crutch and then can’t stop once your start.

My grandfather was very much the same and diagnosed as an alcoholic.

You say you could go without out it. But you couldn’t really if it’s what you do to deal when things ‘get a bit stressful’. If you need it when things get a bit stressful, then there’s an issue.

My fault for being facetious. 😊

I thought you were blaming the non drinker partner for pushing them to it 😯 👍

I think when you develop a consistent behavioural pattern of using alcohol as a crutch or an aid to cope with life's downs and stresses, yes, you are an alcoholic.

Its a reference to the fact that almost everybody who has ever raised an issue with their partner's drinking is told by the drinker that they are controlling. Its an extremely common form of gaslighting amongst people with drink problems. It's not me, it's you...

I hope you’re joking?

I think you are a functioning alcoholic and because you still function it's easier to deny to yourself.

I watched my partner slowly slip into alcoholism. It started with just drinking at the weekends to de-stress after work and ended with him sneaking vodka into the house in a Dr pepper bottle every single day. This happened in the space of 4 years. Its a slippery slope but it can be turned around. Its good that you can see you may have an issue x

He could be annoyed at your behaviour when you've been drinking, so is saying it to try and make you see you're different when you've had too much.
Being branded an alcoholic by others doesn't make you one. Being told you're fine when you drink too much doesn't make you not one.
It's about how it affects your life, your relationship, your ability to cope etc. if you always reach for drink in times of emotional instability then it would be a good idea to look at other coping mechanisms.
Would you feel you'd benefit from counselling? I'm not saying don't drink, but don't totally disregard what he's saying as it's a sign it's affecting others.

Alcohol makes me feel so much better after a really bad day. With that in mind, I have approx. 2 pints of Guinness or Heineken per month. I am a recovering drug addict (15 years clean!) and know using something to make yourself feel better, be it cocaine, drink or food is a slippery slope. For me anyway.

If she has a drink problem then I'm sure she does have 'a controlling DH problem'. Because by some huge coincidence, every person who drinks in a problematic way seems to have a controlling partner who's also joyless, boring, uptight, a fun sponge, doesn't understand what 'normal' people do....Funny that.

Anyone who finds it hard to stop once they start drinking has a dangerous relationship with alcohol. Because problem drinking isn't just about not being able to go a day without a drink, that's just the stereotype and the comforting yardstick by which we can measure ourselves. Its equally about lacking the off switch that means a moderate amount is enough and doesn't kick off a craving to carry on. If that's you, then you are at risk of a drink problem. And unless your H is controlling generally, it might be best not to completely dismiss his concerns. He's the one with the ring side seat, and if you don't have the off switch, will have seen that in you and how that affects you when you may not.
I'd advise that when you drink you set a limit beforehand and see if you can stick to it. Not as a one off that you grit your teeth through to prove you're OK, but repeatedly. See how that feels. Because if your relationship with alcohol is fine, it will feel fine.

Drinking becomes a bad habit long before it becomes a problem. If you are reaching for a drink when stressed it's the start of a bad relationship. Maybe avoid in future with stressed or sad and keep it for social occasions

Don’t drink alcohol. If you find you can’t do this then get an appointment with your GP.

You shouldn’t be turning to alcohol as a crutch for anything negative going on in your life like stress, sadness etc.

This isn’t a good sign.

I think DH is possibly over cautious given your brother's issues, but it does sound concerning that you can't stop once you start.

Can you decide how much you're going to drink, and stick to it? If not, I think that's worrying.

This is mumsnet. No one on here has ever craved sugar and gone out to buy a chocolate bar!!???!!

Clearly you don't drink often and don't have much in the house. I would think that your DH is teetotal and suggest a controlling DH problem rather than an addiction issue.

I tend to turn to a drink and then once I start I find it hard to stop.

If you find it hard to stop, then you absolutely do have a problem or are developing one.

As a PP said, you could be a binge drinker/ alcohol abuse.

Did you walk to the shop or drive?

Were your parents alcohol dependent?

Can someone tell me what a ‘reverse’ is, please?

A reverse is when you try to write a post from the others point if view. Usually so you can say 'gotcha' to someone. It rarely works as there will always be biases in each opinion.
In this case it would be if the OP thinks that the husband is the one with the drinking problem, not her, and she feels justified in telling him this.

I recall my recovering alcoholic work colleague telling me that if you 'need' a drink in certain circumstances then you could be an alcoholic. Even if it's just a Friday after work and two pints.

If you feel you MUST have them that day then it's not good.

Find a different way to deal with your stress.

Can someone tell me what a ‘reverse’ is, please? Ive seen it a few times but can’t work out what it means.
re the alcohol, I agree. It’s the not being able to stop and having to go and buy more that’s concerning. My dad was a binge-drinking alcoholic. He go weeks or months without drinking but something might trigger him and that would be it, he’d spend a week in bed not eating, or washing, just drinking and craving alcohol. He couldn’t stop once he started. Not saying you will end up like him, but the not being able to stop is a worry.

Waiting for the post that says this is a reverse.

You might not be an alcoholic, but if you can't stop and need more, you're definitely on the way to having a problem.

I don't think you're an alcoholic but you're using it a prop. If my DH started drinking when he was stressed - then felt the need to go out and buy more, I would feel concerned. I'd be thinking "This is how he deals with stress. He needs alcohol rather than just fancying a drink with a meal or something."

Sounds like you're a bit of a binge drinker which can be just as harmful as drinking regularly. Do you ever blackout? I don't think you have a huge issue but it's good you're recognising you struggle to stop once you've started. Maybe try putting in some measures to help not drink as much when you do, alternating soft and alcoholic drinks, sticking to a certain amount, pacing yourself a bit, eating beforehand etc

I think your husband is right to be concerned. You're using alcohol as a coping mechanism - that is a huge red flag. You can't stop when you start and you need to go and get more - another flag. You have a family history of alcohol dependency.

You are at very high risk of becoming fully alcohol dependent, and you need to seek support to develop better coping mechanisms.