Active discussions

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Was this weird of me at work?

334 replies

Handsomesquidward · 02/06/2024 11:32

I'm a straight woman, I work in a semi-formal office environment. We have a young girl there who has beautiful long, blonde Rapunzel hair and who is just beautiful in general.
I haven't really spoken to her as she's in another department. I saw this girl and I just said 'Hi I hope you don't mind me saying, just wanted to say I really love your hair, you look beautiful!'
She seemed really happy I'd said it and appreciated it.
My other colleague was in the toilets too and had heard, she told me it was really weird and creepy id said that.
I feel so embarrassed now and wonder if I shouldn't have said anything. I was just trying to be nice, I imagine some women would be very jealous of her and she gets some cattiness, I don't think I said anything inappropriate.
Just wondered what others think? Surely it's a sad world where you can't compliment people.

OP posts:
YorkNew · 02/06/2024 20:49

OP how would it seem if you said this comment to a young man or you was a man and said it to the young woman?

MsLuxLisbon · 02/06/2024 20:49

BranchGold · 02/06/2024 11:37

I think compliments are nice to do, especially when it’s regarding something someone has actively chosen, so you’re complimenting their taste or the effort they’ve made.

I think it’s generally best to steer away from statements like ‘you’re beautiful’ in a workplace though.

OP said 'you look beautiful'. To me, there is a subtle difference between saying someone looks beautiful and saying that they are beautiful. I can't fully explain the difference, but I think there is one.

ByNavyOtter · 02/06/2024 20:48

wizarddry · 02/06/2024 20:45

Maybe they think you just can't concentrate until you've told her her hair looks nice 🙄

Show quote history

Lol. I asked because it just know that all the weirdos here saying you can never be kind to someone 'incase you fire them in the future' and making excuses for their blatant jealousy are horrible and very judgemental of anyone stunning who joins their team. See it time and time again. We had a real bully on our team once who hid all of her nastiness behind 'professionalism'. Everyone could see through it.

wizarddry · 02/06/2024 20:46

Handsomesquidward · 02/06/2024 20:44

I'll expect my P45 tomorrow!

I think you're OK as depressingly this sort of thing seems acceptable in a lot of work places as they are stuck in the 00s

wizarddry · 02/06/2024 20:45

IHaveNeverLivedintheCastle · 02/06/2024 20:41

What do you do when a stunning woman joins your team?

What a bizarre question.

Show quote history

Maybe they think you just can't concentrate until you've told her her hair looks nice 🙄

greengreyblue · 02/06/2024 20:45

I will randomly tell people if they smell nice and ask which scent it is. @IHaveNeverLivedintheCastle what a shame you feel that a nice comment which came from a nice place is negative and weird. Says more about you than op.

Original poster
Handsomesquidward · 02/06/2024 20:44

I'll expect my P45 tomorrow!

OP posts:
IHaveNeverLivedintheCastle · 02/06/2024 20:43

ScarletWitchM · 02/06/2024 20:39

Not at all weird or creepy. I think it’s nice to have women supporting other women and whenever I have had compliments from colleagues it has made my day!

I think it's weird and creepy. And it isn't women supporting women.

wizarddry · 02/06/2024 20:43

ByNavyOtter · 02/06/2024 20:41

You can be both! One of my senior leadership team is gorgeous and successful.

Show quote history

I haven't said you can't . But it's hard when people you might have to fire at some point start telling you you're beautiful in the loos. It's weird

Marblessolveeverything · 02/06/2024 20:42

@Sweedey now your getting it, fair play!

Sweedey · 02/06/2024 20:42

In a professional setting I am not there to be pretty. It isn't professional and is part of EDI training in state companies in my jurisdiction. Do you think I should ignore the law.

Report to HR and log with 111 with good measure. Nice lady said I have beautiful hair, outrageous

Proudofitbabe · 02/06/2024 20:41

I much prefer the people who give compliments freely than those who never do! Good for you, OP.

junerella · 02/06/2024 20:41

Not creepy or weird at all. I very rarely get a random compliment from a stranger but when I do I love it.

Your coworker is acting as though you've told her she's got a nice backside or something!

IHaveNeverLivedintheCastle · 02/06/2024 20:41

ByNavyOtter · 02/06/2024 20:19

LOL. Only mean girl here is the one trying to cast doubt in the mind of anyone recognising beauty in the workplace as some sort of professionalism issue. What do you do when a stunning woman joins your team? I can imagine you're a total cow to them. Also should you ever pull anyone aside for passing a compliment in the work place they will think you're a total bitter, bully so do he careful with that. I'd roll my eyes so hard if someone like you said 'it's not professional' and know that it was the jealousy talking.

Show quote history

What do you do when a stunning woman joins your team?

What a bizarre question.

ByNavyOtter · 02/06/2024 20:41

wizarddry · 02/06/2024 20:40

Or. I'm someone who's had to work very hard in a male dominated world to be taken as seriously just because I am a woman who people are jealous of

Show quote history

You can be both! One of my senior leadership team is gorgeous and successful.

wizarddry · 02/06/2024 20:41

Sweedey · 02/06/2024 20:35

Are you for real, this is the response to someone complimenting you?!

I swear, people just have to be contrary for no reason

Show quote history

Yes its many people's. There's a place and a time. The workplace isn't one of them

Sweedey · 02/06/2024 20:40

paddlinglikecrazy · 02/06/2024 20:33

This thread is really sad. I can’t imagine being offended by someone complimenting me. We really have to censor an off the cuff compliment to another woman now ? Women really get offended by this ?
sad as fuck
you did nothing wrong OP

I can’t imagine being offended by someone complimenting me

You can't imagine it because it doesn't happen. The people moaning probably don't get many compliments.

I'm not even trying to get mean, but it's like complaining about fresh air - nobody does that.

I've been complimented in the work bathroom and it made my morning. We also had really similar hair so I noticed hers before. It's nice, it's friendly, we want to feel good about ourselves!

Marblessolveeverything · 02/06/2024 20:40

Sweedey · 02/06/2024 20:35

Are you for real, this is the response to someone complimenting you?!

I swear, people just have to be contrary for no reason

Show quote history

In a professional setting I am not there to be pretty. It isn't professional and is part of EDI training in state companies in my jurisdiction. Do you think I should ignore the law.

And it may strike you as unusual but not all women want compliments from strangers in toilets!

wizarddry · 02/06/2024 20:40

ByNavyOtter · 02/06/2024 20:36

Sighhhhh. It is jealousy, you harping on makes it even more obvious😂'I'm not jealous I'm insert some sort of irrelevant view here.

Show quote history

Or. I'm someone who's had to work very hard in a male dominated world to be taken as seriously just because I am a woman who people are jealous of

ScarletWitchM · 02/06/2024 20:39

Not at all weird or creepy. I think it’s nice to have women supporting other women and whenever I have had compliments from colleagues it has made my day!

YorkNew · 02/06/2024 20:39

I think it was a really unprofessional thing to do.

ByNavyOtter · 02/06/2024 20:36

wizarddry · 02/06/2024 20:32

By assuming it's jealousy you assume anyone who disagrees wants to be objectified in the work place. We don't. It can be really hard in some (mostly male dominated) industry/sector for women, especially younger ones with less of a track record, to be taken seriously. It's worse when instead of being respected equally to a man you get a compliment on your hair and told you're beautiful.

Show quote history

Sighhhhh. It is jealousy, you harping on makes it even more obvious😂'I'm not jealous I'm insert some sort of irrelevant view here.

wizarddry · 02/06/2024 20:35

ByNavyOtter · 02/06/2024 20:19

LOL. Only mean girl here is the one trying to cast doubt in the mind of anyone recognising beauty in the workplace as some sort of professionalism issue. What do you do when a stunning woman joins your team? I can imagine you're a total cow to them. Also should you ever pull anyone aside for passing a compliment in the work place they will think you're a total bitter, bully so do he careful with that. I'd roll my eyes so hard if someone like you said 'it's not professional' and know that it was the jealousy talking.

Show quote history

Presumably they would treat them exactly the same as anyone else regardless of their looks. What they would (I hope) NOT do is approach them in the women's toilets and tell them they are beautiful.

Sweedey · 02/06/2024 20:35

Marblessolveeverything · 02/06/2024 16:36

@ByNavyOtter this may come as a huge shock but not all women want randos commenting on their appearance. It isn't for you, it isn't your business. Simples

Are you for real, this is the response to someone complimenting you?!

I swear, people just have to be contrary for no reason

CountessWindyBottom · 02/06/2024 20:35

I naturally compliment people too and someone commented on it recently that I always compliment people but it's never disingenous and if I notice something lovely or if someone does something lovely I always acknowledge it.

It's not creepy. What is creepy is your colleague hanging around in staff toilets eavesdropping on other peoples conversations!

Swipe left for the next trending thread