Was this weird of me at work?

Genetics can only do so much, hair that is both very long and in very good condition takes effort and sometimes a fair bit of expense to maintain compared to shorter hair or very long hair that is "allowed" to get a bit dry and scraggly.

So I think a) it falls into making a compliment about a style choice and b) many women with such hair would like to be complimented on it.

There is no difference between the 2. Both are judgemental comments about physical appearance.

Of course dressing well or stylishly requires effort. Being pretty doesn't.

I didn't say being pretty is meaningless. It's very far from being meaningless given the esteem society and some posters on here hold it in. It's meaningless to me.

@IHaveNeverLivedintheCastle
“And it's splitting hairs as to whether "you are beautiful" is any different from "you look beautiful"”
No - that just shows that one is unable, as quite a lot of other people these days are, to detect any nuance in the spoken word, which also displays a lack of grace.
Being willing to interpret what someone says to you is governed by A) how they say it and B) whether you decide that they are being genuinely complimentary or not.
Those that always take the negative view, usually lack grace.

I would find this quite odd in a work context to be honest. I do find it a bit creepy. I would certainly give compliments to male and female colleagues that I know like "nice shirt" or "your hair looks nice" if they've had a cut. But randomly approaching someone to say they look beautiful is not something I would do, and I think I'd be a bit weirded out if it happened to me. Not a big deal I'm sure, but yes I do find it slightly creepy.

Unless you made the dress yourself, I can't see how it's something you've done. It's just as seemingly vapid as complimenting your hair

Being good looking isn't everything in life, but I don't see how it's meaningless. How can you not feel good i cannot understand

I like compliments about things I've done - and that includes my choice of clothes.

I hated compliments about my face or my figure. They had nothing to do with anything I'd done and were completely meaningless.

It's not creepy in your opinion.

And it's splitting hairs as to whether "you are beautiful" is any different from "you look beautiful"

I never said I couldn't?

I just don't care. I love compliments.

Your other colleague sounds like a joyless and graceless person who doesn’t like others being lifted by a genuine observation!
It’s lovely to be complimented on your taste and style: telling a person that their hair (implying style/colour) makes them look beautiful is not creepy in the slightest.

Now, if you had just said “You’re so beautiful“ to her, your other colleague’s reaction wouldn’t have been off the mark, but you didn’t - so the difference is the great way you used your words…

Can you really not see the difference between complimenting what someone is wearing "fantastic dress, where did you get it"? And passing judgemental comments about someone's physical appearance?

Indeed. You wouldn't think that needed to be explained.

It doesn't sound awkward. Why would introduce yourself just to say someone looks nice? Are you telling me you've never had someone come up to you and pay you a compliment? I would not expect or want a 'hi, my names Sandy, what's yours?'

I once worked in a small team where I was one of two junior staff. We became good friends and both of us worked hard and were similarly dedicated. But it became obvious that I while I was often complicated on my work, she was constantly complimented on her looks. While she could appreciate the compliments she would get really upset that people never seemed to see or even try to look beyond that. While I don't think the very occasional compliment is a bad thing, just worth remembering that might be all that person ever hears. Ever since I always try to compliment people at work on their talent / skill / dedication and remember that any personal / physical compliments might not land as intended, esp with someone you don't know well. In fact I also remember a colleague who was constantly complimented on her 'beautiful curly hair' and it would make her cry as she had been through cancer and chemo and hated the reminder of how her life and looks had changed.

Being a male and whispering in your ear was the difference.

So, I had a pair of red shoes on at work - bloke came up to me , I was sitting down and whispered in my ear I love your shoes. That was a compliment so by your rule I should have been pleased. Spoiler alert I was not I just thought you creepy fucker.

A million per cent this. Compliments are for effort , not for something that’s outside the persons control.

giving women compliments on how they look in the society we live in isn’t helpful. Teaches women that their value is in how they look. Which we all know it is but let’s not reinforce it.

It was a spontaneous and genuine compliment, well intended and well received. The sort of comment that makes the world go round a bit more easily. That’s all.

It was not the business of the other colleague to police that innocent chat between you and if she wants to find offence, or take offence and be miserable about it, then that’s her problem. I guess you could be thinking she’s either jealous of the hair or wishes she had said it or is weird herself to comment on other people’s chat overheard from a toilet cubicle,- but I wouldn’t bother giving it or her, any more head space.

I don't think that weird at all. I always give compliments as I feel if you think something nice you should try to say it directly to the person.

Tell her your name and what you do. Ask a bit about her, how she was doing, where did she work before, was she local. Maybe tell her about popular places for lunch or a planned night out or some other piece of information that might help her settle in and feel part of the team.

Jesus, all of that as they are drying their hands?
To be honest I would find this massively overdone. Saying you have a nice hair is OK, keeping someone fit 10 mim doing a 5 min intro and inviting someone for lunch as you're standing in the loos, well that would be a bit creepy.

I had an older lady stop me yesterday to say how beautiful my dress is and how gorgeous I looked.
It made my day. 💖

I have awful body dysmorphia and she genuinely warmed my heart.

I used to model/act and I've seen some of the most gorgeous women who really are like works of art.

That said I think everyone has something beautiful about them. I compliment strangers of all ages a lot.

I love how someone's face lights up when you tell them they're beautiful.

Giving compliments is a lovely thing - good for the giver and the receiver.

Sounds like your colleagues were looking for something to get outraged by? I've noticed in life, that a lot of those who do, aim their outrage at nice, safe targets, because it's easy. If they actually wanted to make a difference, they'd stand up to big, actually scary, actually inappropriate misoginists. But that would be difficult and risky. So they lectures perfectly pleasant people, because it makes them feel like Good Guys. Pay it no mind.

It's all well and good saying we have to support each other and be kind or make someone's day, but we are talking about introducing yourself to a new colleague at work. The limit of the conversation described by OP went like this...

"Hi I hope you don't mind me saying, just wanted to say I really love your hair, you look beautiful!"

I mean yes she may have been bouyed by a random compliment in the loos, but wouldn't it be even more welcoming to maybe to make a proper introduction? Tell her your name and what you do. Ask a bit about her, how she was doing, where did she work before, was she local. Maybe tell her about popular places for lunch or a planned night out or some other piece of information that might help her settle in and feel part of the team.

I don't think there is anything wrong with telling a colleague they look nice or that you like their coat/dress/hair or whatever but this particular interaction sounds a bit awkward and was just the OP observing something about the new colleague, not actually introducing herself or welcoming her.

And yes I think the comparison with a young male colleague is relevant. If you had never met or spoken to the guy, how would that come across? I think there are better ways to open a conversation with a new team member.

More likely to be misconstrued if you say something like that in a pub toilet if you ask me. 😂

Giving a compliment is lovely. Some people feel awkward giving/receiving them though so you'll always get different opinions - but I think it's always good to be nice to people. You might have made their day!