Was this weird of me at work?

To those who hate it, maybe you could wear a badge? That way, people would stop. It's normal to compliment people, but if you want to opt out, make it known.

I get tired of saying thank you to unsolicited opinions on my looks

You're tired of people saying nice things to you? How often is it happening?

Yes! In fact I'd they'd focused on her hair it would probably make her feel like that was her only value and therefore more of a failure at uni. Its very sad

Oh ffs. Can you not just accept some people DON'T WANT compliments on their appearance and yes It does get repetitive.

I also compliment men and boys a lot! They seem to like it just as much as women do, whether it be about their looks / clothes / work or whatever. Just my experience though.

You've muddled up 2 completely different things.

No one has said "she was an amazing student [because she worked so hard/ really understood the subject/ was so enthusiastic/ a pleasure to work with/ the kindest person I've ever met etc etc ] are wrong and shouldn't be said.

It's the "oh yes, she was an amazing student. She had fabulous Rapunzel like hair" which are the issue.

If you don't get it then you don't but making twattish comments isn't called for.

We're all coming at this from our own perspectives, our lived experiences and they're not going to be the same, are they? I took a colleague to grievance because he kept touching me. Being at a work event with him was excruciating. All he did was introduce me almost as a 'bit of fluff'. I knew those colleagues better than he did having worked with them for years. His comments of my ability and contribution to the business were that I 'looked a million dollars'.

If anybody perceives that as a compliment then so be it. I didn't hence the grievance. The workplace is somewhere that most women are at an immediate detriment purely because they are not men. It's not fair, it's not right and it's nearly always the case that the woman does the job better and is better qualified for it. Framing a compliment in a work setting isn't comparable with doing the same in a pub or supermarket or any other non-work arena.

It is always the person who 'doesn't want' who should prevail. Not just for this but for a host of other situations also. Things that other people want to do or say to other people are at their invitation. I know that complimenting women (particularly) can feel like such a non-event, it's a nice thing to do - and it is. If that person welcomes it. Many women do which is why this thread is popular but some women really don't like it.

For safety then, better to compliment where you know you really will make someone's day. If you're not sure and you batter on regardless and receive a jaded grimace in return, you'll know that they'd rather that you hadn't.

If you've never put a foot wrong in your life then you won't know what I'm talking about but, if you have ever committed a faux pas then perhaps you will understand.

I get occasional compliments at work on tops/dresses from other women - I work in a hospital and most other staff in our department are in uniform.

Also around being tanned in the summer as I have olive skin which tans easily.

in my 50s so all good as far as I’m concerned!

Oh, yeah, it must be so tiresome to be beautiful 😂

Sorry, sausage fingers and bad autocorrect.
I think it's a cultural thig in the UK- and some other countries where corporate culture is high and people see perfectly normal reactions as inappropriate because we're told it's important to be reserved and ashamed if someone compliments you.
Keeping things to yourself is uber British, not saying anything nice because OMG someone may be offended if you say they look nice- better let people think they look shit and keep your good thoughts to yourself, in your head, where they are utterly useless.

Reminded me how at uni one of my friends was depressed she was doing badly, dropped out, and the next year one of my lecturers was like, oh no, she left? She was such an amazing student. Shame none of this came out of her mouth when my friend was still around. We need to say nice things to each other, it should be a norm, not exceptions.

If people find compliments that embarassing it ruins their day, they need to work on their self esteem.

I get tired of saying thank you to unsolicited opinions on my looks

It's not fair to put that on someone

I agree with this. I don't want to feel like I have to say "oh thank you" when someone compliments me. It gets tiresome having people think I want their approval of my looks.

Sorry, I didn't understand the first part. But it's actually not at all about emotion. It's about subjective opinions that are ok in moderation at work place (like "nice jacket") but not when it comes to personal remit (like "beautiful"). Showing emotion is fine, but unless you are 100% sure that your compliments are well-recieved, it's best to keep them to yourself. It's really basic EDI stuff too at most work places

But that's very ifyen sir the culture. Being told to keep you head down and not showing emotions, pretty sad really.

It isn't actually anything to do with feminism. It's the imposition of one person's views on another and the expectation that the recipient ought to be grateful.

You keep banging on about manners/ being rude. It works both ways.

In some cases. Some can be medical. I had lovely long hair ( even after colouring) then i got put on certain medication and it destroyed my hair.
my hair refuses to grow longer than my shoulders and its perm damaged ( even when it grows from the roots :-( )
Can’t even bare to look at my nails…
i envy people with long hair and nails!
i’d certainly compliment someone with either! ( secretly wish it were me!)

Don't know where you work but perfectly normal Everywhere I've worked for last 25 years.
I’d find it odd not to compliment someone who had their hair cut
you may not like it, ( that’s perfectly fine, tell people you don’t like it) but don’t make out its abnormal.

Imagine having such a strong opinion on complements. It must be exhausting day to day

Not everything is feminism. You're entitled to have your unconventional opinion but It's just manners to say thank you if someone says something nice to you. Your think piece is not required.

Is this reply a joke?

Dictating to women that they must graciously and gratefully accept uninvited comments about their physical appearance isn't trying to control behaviour?

Actually Pillock the same applies to men. It's not your call to demand anyone thanks you for your uninvited comments on their physical appearance.

Wtf is wrong with your colleague. I have long hair too and when I get complimented on it, it makes my day! It's not weird at all.

Not your call, Pillock. If you choose to make these comments then that's up to you but it's not up to you how they are received and nor are you entitled to be thanked for them.

The fact that you feel able to determine what are and what are not acceptable parts of the body to comment on says a lot. Many men do this too.

Telling women that they MUST accept whatever comments somebody chooses to make at them - or they are <insert insult of choice here> - are behaving in the same creepy way that we warn our children against and that's not ok.

It's not about controlling women it's just basic manners. Your hair, outfit or eyelashes are not an intimate part of the body... say thank you and move on

I agree with this very much. Posters accusing others who don't appreciate comments, as being 'graceless' are demonstrating this classification perfectly themselves. People are allowed to find different things acceptable or not. Nobody is telling others that they must not enjoy receiving compliments, they are simply saying that they themselves do not like them for x, y, z reason. I've complimented many handbags/shoes but not somebody's physical appearance. That's exceedingly personal unless you know them really well, well enough not to need to ask if 'they mind'.

Telling women that they MUST accept whatever comments somebody chooses to make at them - or they are <insert insult of choice here> - are behaving in the same creepy way that we warn our children against and that's not ok.

Make/take compliments all you like, I'm sure most of them hit target, but just know that some women don't necessarily share your view and will not be 'thrilled', just resigned to the 'assessment' that other people feel entitled to make of them.