To dislike it when men post on mumsnet?

That was to @GoodAfternoonGoodEveningAndGoodnight

They would because it’s who they are.

I have seen my male partners good characteristics for over 25 years. I know what my partners work colleagues and female friends of many years think of him. I know he has spoken up when men have harassed women in bars instead of putting his head down and ignoring it. I know he has dropped friends who have been disrespectful to women and cheated on their wife. I know he has pulled his father up for being misogynistic despite it being awkward at the dinner table. I could give many more examples.

I know my son has good role models in his parents, I know that he has friends who are girls who trust him because of his morals and actions. I know how he treats his girlfriend and sister with respect and kindness. I know he has no interest in being a ‘blokey’ bloke.

Despite having these two men (and a few more) in my life who are decent, I still know many men who aren’t good, and that can be talked about without it offending decent men.

And yes, women can be awful too, but this thread is about men. Specifically men on mumsnet so maybe we should stick to the point.

They don’t feel offended when I talk about some men being a problem because they know it doesn’t apply to them
Well they would say and act accordingly round you wouldn't they.....

Oh ffs. Go back and read my posts fully.

I have a lovely 20 year old son who has a wonderful father, who is my partner. They don’t feel offended when I talk about some men being a problem because they know it doesn’t apply to them. They talk about problem men too.

I think lots of the posts on here have agendas but as long as they are male hating ones it's fine by you I guess you don't have a son.

Yeah, what did you base that 'guess' on??

It's a parenting site. Primarily for mums! Totally with you op. God the creepy men are even worse than the "manhere"s 🙄

No, there are loads of different pages. So I didn't mean you specifically are on those porn pages. But it is very male dominated - at least at mod level.

What I meant was (generalising) its more of a female thing to be much more judgemental of other people in your in group. Men tend to judge each other less, at least morally. There might be bullying of someone for being weak/unmanly or extreme banter. But groups of young men are much less likely to go "bro, that's out of order" and all turn on something for being unkind or a bit rude. They will be judgemental or even aggressive towards people in the perceived "out group" for moral failings. This means at its worst in all go a bit heart of darkness surprisingly quickly. But also that men won't pick other men apart for small things. So reddit feels less brutal if you are ON reddit but probably uses much stronger language against "enemy" political groups or individuals than you would find here. Or e.g. incel forums posting much much worse stiff about women than you would find said about men here. And less people chipping in to say that's unkind.

But what happens is sometimes men post on mumsnet, and are judged by other women with the same level of harshness that women judge other women. And then call it man-hate when it isn't really. Its just a different group dynamic. Perfectly fine to post on reddit instead if you don't like it.

Anyway, I grew up in the 60s and became an adult in the very early 70s. I hated and fought every negative or restrictive generalisation about women, and those generalisations were constant back then.

Having fought those generalisations as a young feminist, I am not about to accept negative generalisations about men, either. To do so would be massively hypocritical.

But when I do point out unfair generalisations, today's feminists accuse me of NAMALT. Which is both fucking lazy, and ignorant.

I worked very briefly with a woman who openly told me and another colleague, that she was going to lie and say that her ex had sexually abused their child, so that he wouldn't be able to refuse to let her take their son with her to live in the US with her new bloke.

More then a decade on, my colleague and I still berate ourselves for not reporting that conversation. She was a casual worker and left two days after she told us that, and we didn't really know anything about her. But still. I hope she didn't get away with it.

There are a lot of devious women about, as well as lying men, and it's very naive to think that every single woman in the family courts is being scrupulously honest

I don’t care how outraged anyone is or might be. There are problem men on here and I can categorise them however I see them. Pretending that some men aren’t an issue both online and irl is silly.

I can categorise problem women too, but this thread is about men.

You do know it does happen though? I personally know 2 young men commit suicide due to wilful withholding of access to children. It's child abuse, children are not weapons or belongings.

I disagree there is an equal male/female split but that's by the by.

That's interesting. I meant there's a higher proportion of men on Reddit than on MN but that's just a stab in the dark. I guess from your post that Reddit is mainly men?

Some of the posters are very witty. I don't think the porn stuff comes on my Reddit feed mercifully although it's fair to say there aren't many JKR fans..

This. We need to stop stereotyping. 🙄

@blue345 I do agree with you on calling people with different politics evil scum!

I agree.
But then I don't find the other poster talking about the "type of man" that causes problems on mumsnet offensive either. Whereas Wizardry said there would be outrage if that was said about women and I just don't think that's true.

Reddit has its own issues - completely free speech when it comes to some very disturbing porn pages. 0 tolerance for alternative views on one particular issue. I disagree there is an equal male/female split but that's by the by. If I want to post about me and my partners weird porn habit** and not be criticised then I would do it on reddit. In that sense it is less "brutal". But I would say there is less internal moral policing (of posters) and more anger/violent language towards whoever is in the perceived outgroup (usually non posters) on that particular forum.

**hypothetical

I think you missed the 'at a guess' caveat.

What the fuck are you basing that on!?

Plucked out of nowhere

And what happens when you hear a man describing a woman as "wife material" or "not wife material"?

I wouldn't find that offensive (and I'm sure not husband material is also used fairly regularly). I find it far more offensive when posters on political threads call people evil scum etc.

I've started using Reddit more as I like the more humorous and less brutal vibe. Whether that's related to having more of an equal male to female split, I don't know.

I really cannot abide the idea of a safe space, except for physically.

MN is moderated and that stops really bad posters. But this is an adult space, mainly parents.

Surely people can ignore rude and goady posts?!

Yeah,

Sometimes its concerning like when a thread starts on a "teenage daughters first bra fitting on Tuesday. Any stories you other ladies can share" and people naively reply before the inevitable deletion. You don't actually know the intentions of all the people posting or reading threads. I think pushing the idea that it is or could be a safe space risks misleading people.

It is strange. Quite literally anyone on the planet with an internet connection can join mumsnet yet some people see it as some kind of private space.

YABU.
Mumsnet have always been open that it's a site for both Mums AND Dads.
Which is the way it should be, as men are parents too and should be able to benefit from parenting advice etc on here too.

And what happens when you hear a man describing a woman as "wife material" or "not wife material"? Apparently, some men categorise women in even worse ways too.