To feel like my child free friends want me to dislike having a child?

I’m childfree and I’ve never once referred to someone’s child as a crotch goblin, that’s staggeringly rude.

What I have definitely noticed is that, in this era of clickbaity social media influencers, is that extreme positions are becoming normalised. It’s like EVERY single life choice is becoming a tribe you must join and represent. It’s so dull and unbelievably divisive.

Whats great about societal progress is that women don’t feel they have to have kids, but the reaction to that has made many overly defensive. Now it’s (apparently) a fight to prove you made the right choice. It’s daft.

The reality is, your (as in anyone’s) reality and choices are what they are. I chose not to have children and feel great about it (I’m 48) but I’m sure if I’d had children I would also have felt great about it. This conversation about the “right” choice is doomed to fail because we are talking about alternate realities that we cannot see.

What everyone needs to do is stop having an opinion on other peoples’ choices and just be normal and polite.

Urgh. It’s exhausting.

But - to go back to your original post, OP - I think you have really shit friends, but many of them will choose kids and understand. It’s just a waiting game.

Fair enough not in person, but there's certainly plenty of dog hate trotted out on MN!

I certainly agree about not being rude about children to their parents. I just say I've never cared for children when people start pushing me to enthuse about theirs. No insults or anything, I only say more when they won't take no for an answer (which is rare).

I don't think not liking children is the same as being anti-children. I'm pretty sure everyone understands that children are needed for society to continue. They just don't like them or enjoy them in the child stage because they can be irritating and disruptive. And I think a lot of the annoyance is actually aimed at the parents rather than the children.

This. It’s absolutely ridiculous to insist that you love a dog the same or more than you’d love your own child. If you’ve never had children you can’t possibly understand the love you have for your child, it is not comparable to anything.

Well you kind of lost me at
"I confess that I felt this way before I had children. I definitely felt sorry for parents - thought they always looked stressed. Their lives didn't sound as fun. I thought mine seemed more fun - getting up when I want, not having responsibilities, being able to just think of myself.".... And the bit about now taking some responsibility for your finances

That's not what my child free life is like at all. I am responsible, have many reasons to get out of bed early, don't just think of myself and have a great handle on my finances. Just saying, you sound just as bad as your friends in terms of probably coming across as thinking your life is better.

You clearly have different interests. They like dogs, you like children. Find friends with similar interests.

The British have always had a strange attitude to children imo.
There seem to be two distinct groups, those that see children as a pest that has to be endured, rather like flies buzzing around and then there are parents who pour everything into their dc to the point of boring their friends silly.

That’s one specific example though - as a general rule you don’t hear people launching into tirades about how much they hate dogs if someone talks about their dog, which is an experience many of us have had with children. You only have to read this thread to see that many many people have experienced the same thing, whereas the cat example seems much more unusual (and who doesn’t love cats anyway?!)
Like I said, I’m not fussed if my friends don’t like my kids but at the bare minimum I would expect them to not be openly rude about them, in the way I wouldn’t like them being openly rude about my mum or my sister.

Yh I agree, add in that children are the most vulnerable members of our society and can't challenge this or defend themselves or are even aware of the mean things adults can say or think of them it makes me uncomfortable? Real punching down and then some of the people spouting the most anti child shit think they are incredibly enlightened?

What utter bollocks

I think it’s because this is how you felt - you assume most people still think like you did.

They don’t

Just realised I've made it sound like they weren't supportive; they were absolutely amazing, they were just surprised that having a baby wasn't the absolute catastrophic life ruining experience it was made out to be.

I dont know I feel like if I said this about older people I would be slated and called ageist. I just hate old people's energy you know, the way they move so slowly and the nouses when getting up its like they are looking to soak up all of the attention. And heaven help us if I started talking about them smelling like people do with children.

People freely talk about children like they are some kind of inferior species not just humans in one stage of development who vary widely just like adults. My 2 kids couldn't have been more different as youngsters. I think a society that doesn't respect children is heading down a slippery slope.

Humans are animals. And whether we are more important to the planet than any other species is highly debatable.

Haha what bollocks

I think, depending on age and level of readiness, there can be an element of "please reinforce my idea of how terrible it is for X reason". I had a baby when I was 19, in the era of sex education being ramped up to respond to all the teenage pregnancies, and most of my uni friends were horrified. I was constantly being asked, "pregnancy is horrible, yeah?", "is it awful?", "do you never sleep?", "do you feel like you're missing out?", and the reactions when I was really positive about it were really surprising!

I do wonder if people's extreme anti-child reactions (not choosing to be child free, but the "crotch goblin" and "life ruining" type comments) are a bit of a backlash to that very heavy handed "having a baby will RUIN YOUR LIFE and DESTROY YOUR BODY and YOU'LL LOSE ALL YOUR FRIENDS" type sex ed that was about when we were growing up, because I know my friends and peers at uni expected me to struggle/drop out/hate every bit of it, and were shocked when I didn't.

I’m childless not by choice - infertility - and pretty much at peace with that. I have a great, full life. I fact I think that if I had my life over I would choose to be childfree. I refuse to be told that my life is second rate. And the “oh aI didn’t mean you, I meant people who choose not to have children” - that doesn’t wash. Anything you say about childfree people is very likely to be hurtful to the childless not by choice as well.

BTW I’m never rude to parents about their children.

I mean, the idea that humans are more valuable and important than animals is quite a fundamental underpinning of all human society, though, isn't it?

No, I mean not being interested in the grandchildren, or any children. Talking about things adult family members do is separate. I'm quite happy to join in those conversations.

I don't bother talking about my mother, who's in a nursing home with dementia, unless someone asks. There isn't a lot to say. "Yes, she's fine, yes, they're looking after her" covers it. My sister lives far away, none of them know her, so why, apart from brief, hopefully funny anecdotes, would I talk about her? I don't have a partner, and given what I hear about theirs from my friends, I'm very glad not to!

Well it sounds shit for you, but also I kind of want to know where you live / work / socialise because at 36 I am literally the only one out all my friendship groups who doesn’t have children, and nobody wants to see photos of my dog.

Well then you're just assuming all sorts because you can't understand how some women just don't have the urge to have children.

I would've done the same @Thewildthingsarewithme . Not that I'm not happy for you, but in the shadow of learning you can't have a child, it's hard to see. I don't resent you. I just might have cried. I'm not going to cry over a puppy tbh. You can get one anytime.

I’m saying it’s not possible they can ever love their dog like they would a child (if they had one).

The love someone has for a pet cannot even be compared to the love someone has for a child.

Only seems to be kids people are so weird about 😂

@Nottodaythankyou123 I've had an ex-neighbour launch into a rant about how much she hated cats when I mentioned having two indoor cats. Worse, she started trotting out a story about cruelty she allegedly witnessed as her excuse for why she hated them.

Not encountered this at all tbh. Maybe the "don't have a child" but that's usually just knackered parents. This: "any even mention of my child is at best smiled politely at before immediately changing the subject" - I started doing when I found out in the immediate aftermath of finding out I couldn't have kids as a self-preservation measure. It passed.

Thankfully not. I’m happily married with two kids ☺️