To ask DD to make it up with her dad

He was trying to warn her that the call was about to be cut off. There was absolutely nothing wrong with that. It was actively considerate so that she could warn the other participants.

So why didn't he write her a note on a piece of paper instead of constantly trying to talk to her when she'd made it crystal clear she was working and trying to concentrate?

You need to leave her alone and let this play out between the two of them. If my dad ever pushed and shoved me out of the way I would be incredibly shocked and upset as well. You can’t fix this so don’t try to mediate or build bridges on your husbands behalf as it won’t make any difference and could actually make things worse. Does he have a temper generally? Sounds pretty unpleasant tbh.

He was trying to warn her that the call was about to be cut off. There was absolutely nothing wrong with that. It was actively considerate so that she could warn the other participants.

I don't know why people keep seeing this as a hostile act

So her meeting might have been disturbed, so he decided to DEFINITELY disturb her to tell her that? That's terrible logic even without any of the other things.

From your daughter's perspective, she was doing you a favour (helping with the nephew) and you both made a mistake which could have caused her trouble at work (forgetting about the power thing). It would be fair enough if she was annoyed just about that, tbh. Then her father came and actively disturbed her work rather than let her know via text or a note slipped in front of her. Another thing she could be reasonably annoyed about.

But then he has the audacity to shout in her face and physically manhandle her because he thought SHE was the rude one? And you both expect an apology from her?

Jesus OP, get some perspective. Your daughter has done nothing wrong at all.

If my dad did that to me, I'd have reported him to the police. Your husband is very lucky your daughter hasn't done that.

I think you should show your husband this thread, OP.

This. He should have written a note and quietly put it on the table/desk and left as soon as he realised she was on a call. He should not have been trying to get her attention.

She needs time and your DH needs to continue to apologise and you need to accept that this will take some time - you should not be trying to persuade her to forget about it.

I would say that he has a track record of treating her like a child-
interrupting her meeting/work, she tuned him out rather than assuming he'd wouldn't do it unless essential.
Physically moving her out of his way.

It's possible that if he recognises why he thought it was ok to behave as he did, so he can explain to her that he understands now what he did wrong, she may be able to move on.

Remember that AS AN ADULT with a life separate from yours, she has experiences you don't know about that could affect whether she's able to forgive this.

This!

I feel sorry for your dd. Firstly she drives miles to help look after a nephew, then she's assaulted by her father. Then her mother wants HER to apologise.
No wonder she's trying to keep some distance.

@Hoardasurass your reply is totally over the top . OP’s husband tried to alert his daughter to the fact her meeting could be interrupted by a power cut . She ignored him as she was focussed on her work . A row started and DD refused to let him
leave and diffuse the situation so he physically moved her to one side . Probably not acceptable but at no time does it mention he has form for this and they previously had a good relationship. OP only they can mend this so I would stay out of it and bide your time

It sounds like your DH doesn’t understand that virtual meetings are as important as in-person meetings. If she was sat around a table with colleagues or stakeholders in a room in your house he wouldn’t have gone in to tell her that the electricity was going off. I occasionally work from my parents house and there’s no way they would interrupt a work meeting by gesticulating at me. If it was really important they would write me a note.

And yes, YABU to expect your daughter to apologise to a man who physically assaulted her. Your DH has a lot of grovelling to do. He should be getting in the car and going to see her.

OP, I think your issue (and your dh's) is that you still see your dd as a little girl who has to do as her parents say, and whose daily activities are less important because she's just a child.

She's not, she's a grown adult. She's divorced which presumably means she has only one income from a job that is very important to her. And having been through a divorce, she has first hand and recent experience of handling conflict with a male.

Then your dh interrupted her mid-work call, despite her making it clear she couldn't talk, and then he shouted at her, grabbed her and pushed her.

Think about it !

The family member who put their hands on me over thirty years ago hasn't seen me since and never will. There is never an excuse.

There's a really weird dynamic going on here.

You think it should "count for something" that your husband acted like a normal, loving parent and helped his daughter with her house move.

You had to tell him to apologise for grabbing and shoving her.

You felt it appropriate to beg your DD to stay in the same house as the man who physically assaulted her and had to be told to apologise like a three year old.

And now you want your DD to apologise for the whole thing when she's the only person who has done nothing wrong?

Is DH her biological further? Is he controlling or abusive in other ways?

What's he doing to repair the relationship? It's not for you to smooth things over when your daughter is upset about what happened. He should be doing everything he can to resolve this.

Other posters are right about not expecting your daughter to accept shitty behaviour from any man.

He was a dick from the start, he was distracting her during a meeting so of course she waved him away. She can't interrupt a meeting to speak to her dad ffs. Sounds like he needs to grow up.

Op what planet are you on?

I wouldn’t be talking to you either with your attitude.

DD should not be apologising for anything. Do you not understand the concept of not being disturbed during a work call? Especially if she was on camera, she could have been pulled up if it looked like she was talking to someone else rather than giving her full attention. She was there to help you out and shouldn’t expect to be disrupted.

Your DH was WAY out of line. Really really concerning he resorted to grabbing her because it’s unprofessional to have disruptions during a work call. This is what you should be focusing on - encouraging your DH to look into therapy or anger management.

Apologising after doing something like that doesn’t cut it, sorry. Your attitude is a disgrace.

I would leave it alone to be honest. It sounds like space is needed and your daughter is deeply affected by the manhandling. I don’t think the daughter is being dramatic at all, as implied by other posters. Many workplaces frown on familial interruptions and she was most like trying to be professional.

F

Agreed, she need to grow up.

If your daughter was sitting in a conference room in an office building, would your husband just walk in and expect to talk to her? That is what he did. That is what wfh entails. If she is in a meeting, she essentially in a virtual conference room and he waltzed right in like her job didn’t matter at all.

my child knows not to enter the room if I am on a call or to interrupt me politely if it is an actual emergency.

then he laid hands on her when they got into an argument afterwards.

If apologies are on order, they don’t need to come from your daughter.

if He can’t make a sincere apology, then the least he can do is give her space.

Why do you feel it is your responsibility to make this better? Is that your role in your family dynamic? Does your husband still think of his adult daughter as a child? It can be difficult sometimes for parents to put their adult children on an equal footing and accept they are people in their own right.

I would also be concerned about your daughter. Did anything happen in her marriage/divorce such that she may have found her father's behaviour triggering (being asked to move out of the way and not doing so, and his physical response)?

They've both been dickheads. She was rude in the first place and making drama out of nothing. As you didn't witness the rest of it it's hard to say, whether she was being the bigger dickhead and not moving and if he's just pushed past, or if he's actually laid hands on her and pushed her. There's no excuse. They need to sort this, not you.

I also find the whole thing of him thinking it’s acceptable to interrupt her work call to be really dismissive of the importance of her job (I wonder if he’d have done it to a man) and even more concerning his irrational fury at the belief a woman was rude to him.

He's been so kind helping her move house this year and supporting her through her recent divorce

Sorry but you don’t get cookies for doing normal basic parenting. You certainly don’t get the right to be violent just because you were nice once.

I say: good on your DD for asserting her boundaries.

Your DH wouldn’t go in her workplace and start waving about at her so he shouldn’t have rudely done it when she was WFH.

He grabbed and shouted at his own actual daughter and you’re putting the onus on her to make amends?! I’m now wondering what life was like for her growing up with an aggressive father and a fence sitting mother TBH. Do yourself and your DD a favour - be on her side with this.