To ask DD to make it up with her dad

Of course there’s something wrong with that. He wouldn’t walk into her office and wave his hands about at her, as PP have said a note would have been better or perhaps telling her in the first place the smart meter man is coming at 10am

I won't focus on the assault as PP have done so thoroughly.

Does your DH see her as an adult? Does he view her job as a proper one of she's working remotely. Or does he view it more as her being a teenager chatting to her friends?

My dad didn't view my OU degree as a proper one. Couldn't really comprehend how it was the same qualification as going to a brick uni.
I work from home now, he thinks nothing of dropping in on me for a cup of tea, as "you're alone all day not doing anything or seeing anyone - oh and could you just run me to X shop to pick Y up".
He just doesn't get that I'm a fully formed adult, and despite doing things from home it is exactly the same as being in the office where he would never show up.

As for the electrics going off he should have passed her a note, or even just let the power go out - that happens in offices too although she'd be annoyed, she could have rejoined on another device like her phone if she had one.

This is just all awful. Work meetings can't just be interrupted by someone - if I'm chairing an important meeting and someone tries to get my attention by waving bet you I'll be ignoring them too. A subtle note put in front of you that you can read when you have a minute of attention is completely different. What your DH was trying to communicate was NOT an emergency and the way it escalated into him pushing her is disgraceful. The fact that you had to tell him to apologise and how bad his behaviour was suggests that he was being aggressive and unreasonable towards her for 'ignoring' him and that's why she reacted that way?

Your h was in the wrong here. He acted terribly and then shouted at her and pushed her?? I'm not surprised she doesn't want anything to do with him.

He needs to see her, apologise unreservedly to her, reassure her that it won't happen again, then the ball is in her court.

It’s not up to you to make it better, it’s up to your husband. I’d have a hard time forgiving my dad if he’d done this to me.

Maybe accept that it can’t be made better, and that your husband has irreparably damaged this. Because his sense of entitlement and temper drive him to behave in a way that demonstrates he has no respect for his adult daughter. Compounded with being so entitled and oblivious that he thinks he’s owed an apology.
What happened the last time someone treated him like that- did he apologize to them for making them do it to him?

It’s on him to sort, not you

Reading this thread,I'm reminded to be very grateful that I have a Dad like mine.Wtf!

This ^

Excellent post

There is something very very off about the way you describe your DH, OP

An adult man gets so angry with a woman because she's working and in a meeting and can't give him attention, that he assaults her and then has to be ASKED to apologise and has to have his appalling behaviour explained to him (did you make him sit on the naughty step?)

And NOW the woman he assaulted is expected to apologise and make it all OK?

Jesus 🙄😬🤪

@CreativeDaisy Has your H behaved like a bull in a china shop before? Have you spent most of your marriage treading on eggshells in case he goes off in a temper?

It's was you and your husbands fault that you forgot your smart meter was being done. Of course she couldn't just stop her meeting to have a little chat with her dad - she wasn't rude, he was for interrupting her meeting! She's trying to be professional and do her job! Why didn't he wait until she'd finished?

Then they have a row - I'm not surprised she was furious and he belittles her job and shoves her out the way.

If i was you I'd be livid with him, he's not remotely violent you say - except he was wasn't he?

Where did you get "moved her to one side"? You have coloured the situation completely differently to how it was described in the OP in an attempt to minimise what happened. You don't even know this woman and yet you are falling over yourself trying to excuse the way she was treated by her father. That says so much about the way that we excuse VAWG in society.

This is what was actually said:

She told me DH had got in her face shouting about how her work wasn't life-or-death and then he grabbed her and pushed her out of his way

Not quite as reasonable and calm as you've tried to portray it.

Two things, would he walk into her office, walk into the meeting room and demand she speak to him? This is essentially what he was doing trying to get her attention. I wfh, have done for 10+ years and it never ceases to amaze me how people think it's ok to interrupt you when you're on a call. They wouldn't do it in an office setting, so don't do it just because you're at home.

Secondly a grown adult man getting in your face and using his physical size to push past a woman is never ok. Regardless of what was going on.

I think you'd be very unreasonable to ask your dd to 'get past it'. Sounds like she have very healthy boundaries in place and you should examine your boundaries as they may need work.

@saraclara he didn't have time to write a note, but did have time to pester her for the rest of the call and then push and shove her?

Aye, okay 🙄

Is this for real?

I’m not surprised she’s fallen out with her dad- and if you were my mum and took his side to my face I’d probably fall out with you too.

If he is feeling guilty and regretful has he communicated that to DD?

My dad said something hurtful 20 years ago (that I still remember). I did not speak to him for 2 day, I was then asked to clear the air. I said no as he had shown no remorse or properly apologised. He said he had thought of writing a letter. He did apologise profusely but it took a while to heal.

What he should have done is pass his daughter a note to alert her about what was happening. My partner works from home and occasionally something has cropped up and I go in the office and pass a note. If you don't have experience of people working from home you can get it wrong as this seems to be the case here.

Her reaction was totally over the top and she obvioulsy has bigger issues going on. Maybe invite her out to lunch, just the two of you and see if she will open up.

He grabbed and pushed her?
If you confided in you that her partner had done that to her would you encourage her to forgive and move past it or to leave him? The answer to that question will be telling.

1. Your H should have passed your DD note, not tried to very rudely interrupted her in a meeting.
2. Your H told his DD her job isn’t “life and death”, which is so utterly disrespectful to her, she’s a grown woman doing her job in a professional way, your H treated her like a teenager.
3. Your H got physical with his DD.

No wonder your DD is very angry and upset with this incident.
I think your DD has great boundaries, she’s decided she isn’t going to put up with this behaviour.

I’d bet my house on this not being the first time your H has treated a member of his family like this way.

Well it sounds like she's definitely the bad guy here.

Not.

If my husband laid hands on my child of any age id be furious. I wouldnt be wittering on about what a great dad he is.

The cut if was imminent, so maybe he didn't have time to find paper and a pen and write a note.

I have online meetings. In that situation I'd just have clicked myself off video and audio for a couple of seconds. Then I could have explained to the team.

Amazing. No, it was not ok to disturb the meeting verbally. Maybe during COVID when everything was a bit chaotic but professionalism is expected a lot more now rather than family interruptions (unless actual emergencies). He should have passed her a note.

Men physically moving women to the side against their will (well any sex) is called violence. He may not have meant to hurt her but people absolutely cannot go around moving others about like chess pieces. Would he have done it to a son?

Some women will excuse any male behaviour.

OP leave your daughter alone. Are you sending inane messages so you feel normality while you worked up to your 'smoothing over' approach? Stop it. This is intensely irritating. Give her space until your husband apologises properly (she should never have had to ask)

It's good that he recognises his behaviour is wrong. It's extremely unlikely that this is the first time something like this has happened with him.

One route back may be to get him to talk to these people https://www.respect.org.uk/ If he does that, and the apologises again to your daughter based on the understanding he gains, that may help

Has your husband physically assaulted family members before, Op?