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Original poster

Do your parents help you out with money without you asking

243 replies

Hihosilvertoffeenosedranger · 01/06/2024 22:40

Our car broke down a few weeks and will cost £2000 to repair, we simply haven’t got it at the moment and are renting a car until we can save up/get a loan. It’s obviously very difficult to save up as the renting of the car is now costing us money. My parents know this and haven’t offered to help in any way (they can afford to) even as a loan. I won’t ask them.
Would your parents see this and offer to help? (If they were able to)

OP posts:
Original poster
Hihosilvertoffeenosedranger · 01/06/2024 22:57

@DistinguishedSocialCommentator We need a car to work. We don’t live in the U.K., there is no public transport nearby, it would mean very expensive Ubers every day. For us to get to work, it’s a necessity.

OP posts:
Saschka · 01/06/2024 22:57

I’d need to ask, but if she knew I was short of money she’d offer.

echt · 01/06/2024 22:56

Hihosilvertoffeenosedranger · 01/06/2024 22:54

Just to say I definitely don’t expect it at all…o just think I would offer if it was Dd when older and we could afford it no problem. I hope to always help her.

So why did you start this thread? Better re-title it "Parents should be mind readers".

DistinguishedSocialCommentator · 01/06/2024 22:56

Pippa246 · 01/06/2024 22:52

To be honest I’d say a car was more of a necessity than a dishwasher if needed to get to work/school/grocery shopping etc

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"Necessity" my left foot. Those who chose to live in very rural area, may but but a necessity it is not for the vast majority. Its more a case of making ones life easier rather than necessity!!

mammaCh · 01/06/2024 22:55

My parents definitely would help us.
My in laws definitely would not.

Octavia64 · 01/06/2024 22:55

No.

My mum (dad was dead) didn't even help when my DD and I had fled domestic violence.

About two years later after the divorce was finalised and we'd got everything sorted out she did say "if you ever need money.."

I'm very clear with my kids that if they need money ask and I will help as much as I can. I don't want to be my mum.

TheHateIsNotGood · 01/06/2024 22:54

And if they were alive and I felt they could afford to loan/give me some urgent money, I'd ask them, rather than quietly seethe. They'd be no more psychic whether they were alive or dead.

Original poster
Hihosilvertoffeenosedranger · 01/06/2024 22:54

Just to say I definitely don’t expect it at all…o just think I would offer if it was Dd when older and we could afford it no problem. I hope to always help her.

OP posts:
Nopetynoppy · 01/06/2024 22:53

Speaking as a parent I do help my adult children with car costs ,holidays etc .
I do it because they never ask and appreciate . Unfortunately we cannot help with big money ie £40000 for house deposit. We are fairly comfortable but not wealthy.
Have just given one child £1500 towards a holiday and another is coming on a long haul trip and we are paying the accommodation/ flight but child will pay for car hire and meals out . Still benefitting but appreciates our help.
My children are lovely and as a Mum I am grateful ,and happy to help them all.

TooTired2024 · 01/06/2024 22:53

No - it's not their responsibility, it would be mine.

If I was desperate I suppose could ask, but I haven't since my early 20s (not even for my wedding, which we paid for). I think I'd be too embarrassed to ask!

Original poster
Hihosilvertoffeenosedranger · 01/06/2024 22:53

@Firkinhavinalaugh I feel the same

OP posts:
fashionqueen0123 · 01/06/2024 22:52

DistinguishedSocialCommentator · 01/06/2024 22:48

With respct, that is a bit different to a car. Millions mange without cars

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Yes it is. But I do know he’d help me with a car too because he has in the past :)
Hes always helping myself and siblings out we are very lucky. I hope to do the same
for my own children.

Yellowhammer09 · 01/06/2024 22:52

My parents would help, yes. I hope I can do the same with my children in time, too.

Original poster
Hihosilvertoffeenosedranger · 01/06/2024 22:52

@DistinguishedSocialCommentator I think a car is needed by most people more than a dishwasher 🙈
We need a car for work, no public transport nearby

OP posts:
Pippa246 · 01/06/2024 22:52

DistinguishedSocialCommentator · 01/06/2024 22:48

With respct, that is a bit different to a car. Millions mange without cars

Show quote history

To be honest I’d say a car was more of a necessity than a dishwasher if needed to get to work/school/grocery shopping etc

BitOutOfPractice · 01/06/2024 22:51

No because they simply never had the money.

Kath85 · 01/06/2024 22:51

Nope and I wouldn’t want them to. I had a car issue in Jan and had to use my credit card which I’ve now budgeted to pay off. I’m an adult and fund myself in the same way I expect my son to when he has moved out and is working etc

TheHateIsNotGood · 01/06/2024 22:50

Nope - they're both dead. As people tend to do.

Pin0cchio · 01/06/2024 22:50

Paying for lessons for a 17 year old who can't yet earn much is very different to needing to help a mature adult who's long been capable of supporting themselves

You might feel differently when your DD is a much older adult. It can feel frustrating as a parent if you feel you offered DC all they needed to become functioning adults and yet they don't support themselves.

NoUpcomingDramas · 01/06/2024 22:50

Probably not.

Galectable · 01/06/2024 22:50

My parents were always willing to help but I didn't ask as they weren't well off. Once our kids were young adults we'd buy them groceries online, or give money for birthdays. They have always been hard workers. Sometimes I will pay for my adult daughter to have a hair cut or massage, and we have helped one into their first home with a modest loan. We make sure it's fair for both of them, their situations are a different due to age gap. They never assume we will help, I think that makes all the difference.

Seed90 · 01/06/2024 22:50

Yea of course because they love me. I’d do the same for my children. Are there issues between you and your parents?

fashionqueen0123 · 01/06/2024 22:50

BeaRF75 · 01/06/2024 22:44

As a functioning adult (presumably with a job), why should parents be helping out with money? We all have to pay for these things - worst case scenario, stick it on a credit card. Parents paid for us throughout childhood, maybe on through university, but then it has to stop.

I suppose it depends why. Like I’d usually put it on a card if needed to. And have emergency savings and such like.
But if a parent is in a position where they can help and offer then why not. I know my parents also see it as a way of reducing inheritance tax etc
Theyve massively benefited from
house prices rises as one example. I barely know anyone who has bought a house without help- alrhough that’s probably partly as I’m in an expensive area.

FrogandTrumpet · 01/06/2024 22:49

They do help out occasionally by buying clothes and other stuff for DD, or if we go out for a meal they might say they’ll pick up the bill.

I wouldn’t expect or accept their help in relation to the circumstances in your OP.

transformandriseup · 01/06/2024 22:49

Mine did when I was in my 20's but not now. I think they would still help out if I asked but wouldn't offer.

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