Do your parents help you out with money without you asking

My lovely Mum died 10 years ago,very suddenly but even now we laugh that if there was an envelope over her fireplace she was treating my family to something.
My Mum got so much pleasure out of treats towards me and my family,I do the same now ,and grateful that I can .

Hmm. I think they probably would actually but they have a bit of an odd attitude to our finances I think. On the one hand, my DH regularly asks if we are ok for money and my DM seems to think we are broke. Otoh they always are asking us to go to on holidays or meals out or suggesting us to take the kids places etc that we just don't have the budget for, and we tell them this and why!

I wouldn't take money off them even if they offered unless I was really desperate though and then I'd be paying it back as soon as I could. They're pretty wealthy, and generous with us - with things like gifts, holidays, paying for meals out, buying us random bits etc. But we like to stand on our own two feet, I'd feel very uncomfortable taking a large sum of money off them and would only do it in an emergency.

Yeah if mine knew I couldn't pay the repairs and I was having to rent they'd jump straight in and say give me the bill and pay me when you can. However I've not been in a situation like that, but I know they'd help if needed.

Be careful of how much you're planning on doing for your DD though, too much doesn't give the right message.

I hope to be able to help my dc but if I truly couldn't afford it I would be open and tell them

But you clearly do expect it, or why would you post in AIBU? 😂

No, my parents wouldn’t offer to help me as a grown adult.

I always earned more than my parents from when I started working so no. However they are very generous so if they had the money and I didn’t, they would help out.

I am not from the generation or type of background where people were given house deposits and I read it a lot on here and it is completely alien to me. Same with inheritances and people expecting a lot of money or wanting it upfront or thinking a will is unfair.

• what's wrong with parents who can afford it see their money benefit their children whilst alive.

Exactly 🙄🤦‍♀️😩

@Nourishinghandcream how lovely, you are /were very lucky.

Although gone now, my parents would have offered the moment they though we might be in a tight squeeze and as long as they were aware, they would never wait for us to ask.

In fact they were always incredibly generous.
Whenever we visited (at least weekly) they always insisted on giving us "petrol money", even when I was in my 50's with the mortgage paid off and planning a comfortable early retirement! Of course the amount of money they gave was far more than the actual fuel cost, it was just their way.
Whenever we were looking at getting a new car or OH was changing his motorcycle for a new one, they would offer to give us a few £k so we could "get a higher spec model".
If we were doing something to the house they would always ask if we could afford it or whether we needed "some help" despite them knowing that we were very comfortably off.
They were always very supportive and if anything was given, it was made very clear that it was a gift and repayment was not required.

In fact this almost caused a problem when my Ddad died.
A couple of weeks before his (unexpected) death both he and my Dmum gave us a very expensive item as a gift (talking value of £40k+). With his death it looked as if it might be liable to IT but on checking the will it was found that the item was due to be passed to me anyway so the solicitor said it was ok.

Of course each situation is different but based on normal family and parents who could easily afford to help out it baffles me they don't.

Life is a blink of an eye. Why have 2 grand sat in a bank when it could make a huge difference to your life??

It sounds like you don't ask ever and won't this time.

Once I had left university I did not consider asking my DPs for money. They would have done their best to help me if I had asked but I was lucky enough not to have any major financial disasters . Full disclosure, I am quite old and they did contribute to our wedding.

I totally agree with you, if you can help, do help. But I have always strived to be self sufficient. We don’t vocalise what we will do for our kids. Make them work and save. DD saved car insurance money and is ready to rock to pay it, but we will pay when the time comes. I always know that if the shit hit the fan my parents would help. I don’t need help ( thank god). I just couldn’t imagine being in your situation and having wealthy parents and them not helping. We both have good jobs but at holiday time/ Christmas or any big events I get a lovely envelope of 💴 💴 under my pillow🥰
They drive me insane at times but at the end of the day I am good to them and they are good to me. My Dad said last week there are no tow bars on a hearse. He can’t take his money with him!

My mum is incredibly kind and generous. She'd give a stranger the shirt off her back, let alone her own child. So if it was just her I'd never asked her for anything because she wouldn't say no even if it caused her hardship. My dad's a bit more pragmatic but would still look after me if I asked. The tables have only very recently turned as to who has more money, me or them. Prior to that they found ways to bung us money over the years in very gracious ways.
I'm aware they are not standard though.

Do you really think your DD as an adult will need a pensioner parent to buy her a car?

She'll have a job and her own salary. You'll probably find she sorts out her own car before you do!

We gave our kids a few thousand each when they bought their first car. This was on the basis of a pleasant surprise but this was subject to our criteria - ie we only did this as they bought the cars for cash. If it had ben HP/etc, then we would not have gotten a penny. FYI, they never asked and if they asked it would be a no

In recent years we gave away several hundred k's to all three of them, two got a lot less as they are in the top 5, if not top 3% if the highest paye earners - they all refused initially - if they had asked, we would had said no

We never expected a penny from anyone and nor did we get it as mum die when I was young dad remiarrried and when he died he was comfortable financial wise - his own detached house before he met his new wife, mt step mum and had kids lus he had a couple of hundred k's in cash and investments - my OH, parent had fell out with my OH and all moneies went to other siblings, close to 1.5 mill about 10 years ago - we were both happy with that

We are not rich but financially comfortable and do look after our money but we have spent loads on cars and spent loads on our property but not as lavishly as with cars

We feel proud of ourselves and our kids as we behaved like our parents wanted to and our kids like us, IE, don't try to run before you can walk

Yes. DDad is comfortably off, and has budgeted well. He's bought one off items for our house eg oven as a housewarming present, helped with difference between loan and full loan when DC were at university, and loaned us part of the deposit on our first house 30 years ago (then stopped cashing the repayment cheques after a few months, which we were definitely not expecting). He is generous at birthdays and Christmas too - telling me to book a night away on the money he gives me. He'd rather see us enjoy some of his money now, rather than wait until we inherit. Definitely some IHT planning, but not deprivation of assets.

Well they wouldn't know without my asking so ....? They readily help when I ask.

As an adult I wouldn't expect help like that no but I would be very touched if they offered out of the blue.

My parents do. Our car died recently and we were discussing needing a new one. They knew we could afford a new one, but offered us money towards it as they had it spare. We said they should spend it on something nice for themselves but a big chunk of money appeared in my account anyway. And it did mean we could then buy a bigger car with room for them as well (they don’t drive now).
I know I’m really very lucky. Their attitude is that me and my sibling will have it one day so they’d rather see us make use of it now. It’s how I’ll be with my children, if I can make their lives easier I will. I don’t understand why any parent wouldn’t do the same.

Yes my parents have recently - about £3k they know I'm struggling as a single parent even though I have a very good professional job but cost of living and childcare is killing me and I just don't have spare money of a big repair bill comes in