Do your parents help you out with money without you asking

Also: I would help my parents out if they needed money and I could afford to. And I think they'd do vice versa (though, to be fair, they are very conscious of not favouring some children over others, so they might find it hard to help out one of us without providing a similar amount to siblings).

Anyway, it's not necessarily a one-way street.

Maybe they work on the basis that they can't take it with them. And actually gifting money during your lifetime means you get to see you kids enjoying it

Yes mine would've offered. My parents lent my grandparents money to get an extension on their house so I'm not sure what being an "adult" has to do with it since it can go either way. Just family helping each other out surely? I would question what was the point in having a parent in my life who doesn't have my back when I need help-IF they are in the position to be able to ofc.

@LetTheCardsFallWhereTheyMay what a strange post. Some families help each other out. Mine do. My mum has been giving money/gifts to her sister for decades because she doesn't make as much money and wants to make sure her sister has nice treats etc (e.g. once bought her a good TV, a good smartphone another year, subsidised a few holidays along the years). My parents have helped me too. They're really not particularly loaded at all but want to help. Now they're retiring, I'm helping them. My dad mentioned that my mum can't justify a nice hair dresser anymore on her pension. So I made her an appointment and will treat her for her birthday because I can easily afford it. If she at any point needs ANYTHING, I will help. She's a good mum and deserves it.

What goes around, comes around.

My DH's family is the total opposite and I find it odd and a bit cold (I've never said that obviously as it's not my place to expect anything, but I can think it).

You say they can afford to. How do you know this

But if you really think they can then ask /suggest to them that if they could help you and they loan you x amount and you will then pay them back x amount a month for x months till paid off

Is there a reason why you can't get a loan now for a car so saving money hiring one as that's dead money and obv money not going towards a new car payment

We have loaned large sums of money to two out of three of our children. The youngest doesn't need any yet. But our children did ask. We wouldn't offer in case it offends.

I really don’t think so.

I’m from a West Indian family and it’s common to give money to children for us.

My Colombian friend has lots of cash from her parents.

I just think some families like to share their wealth/good fortune and some don’t.

I think it really depends on people’s attitudes to money and I don’t think it’s anything to do with “self-respect”.

Yes, both my parents and PILs would offer if they knew we were in need. We're not and haven't been for a long time but they would.

MerryOldGoat, Adult children receiving / expecting to receive hand-outs from parents, despite having their own salaried employment.

Yes of course we would - I wouldn't want my children worrying about paying for something while we had the money to help them, I think that's part of being a parent. No point in it sitting in a bank and then getting it when we're no longer here if they need it now!

@LetTheCardsFallWhereTheyMay what’s a British thing?

My PIL would. I don’t have parents but my aunt would offer me the money.

PIL give us money now and again as a gift - £5k for a porch a few years back, £1000 at Christmas. Stuff like that.

They’d never want to see us in a state.

Of course not, I am an adult.

I do have two friends who have received hand-outs -'allowances'- from their parents for decades, as long as I've known them, and I it is utterly bizarre to me that their self-respect permits it. I think it might be a British thing?

How lovely. My mum would have done the same 🥰

No and never have
Only DM left and how with dementia I wouldn’t ask - previous experience tells me when I’ve asked for financial help in the past - loans are ok - gifts are not
I have adult DC myself and I notice and offer financial help as and when I can and they need it

My dad would help if I mentioned it. For example our washing machine broke down at the start of the year and I was telling him about it, just in that we might need to use his machine for a day or two if we got desperate. Next day there is £500 in cash shoved through our letterbox. It wasn't that we couldn't afford it. I think he just like to help out.

My parents never had much spare. There was one occasion when I'd been saving for a bit of outdoor play equipment for the kids, was short £20,every time I had a bit spare, one of them needed shoes or something else cropped up. Mum won the jackpot at bingo, £100 and they were so thrilled to give me that £20. It seems like so little 30 years later but at the time it was a big thing.

Yes, mine have been very, very generous in the past without me even asking. Now they are retiring and their income is dropping significantly, I will be helping them loads in turn.

What's family for if not to be there for you (and I don't just mean financially)?

Edit: Actually, now I think about it my in laws won't help. At all. But DH also takes zero responsibility for them. I find it weird, personally.

DS absolutely can support himself, pay his bills, etc - he’s 25, I’d expect nothing less.

I still chip in for anything unexpected, or share if I’ve had a wee windfall

he’s a grown up, yes, but why wouldn’t I want to make his life a little easier if I can?

Dm yea
IL - no - dh has borrowed in the past (as they’d lent his sibling some money) we paid every penny back - sibling didn’t and had it as a gift.

we wouldn’t ask them though :) - now

I dont like taking it, but our circumstances have changed financially this year and it has been helpful. *thanks mortgage repayments

My adult dd can support herself not a bother.
I still help her out.
It is possible to have adult children who can support themselves and be the kind of parent who sends money, buys things, pays for trips or Taylor tickets.
Its called kindness. Wtf is wrong with people that think that shldnt happen because people turn 18.

There is a difference between helping to launch your teen into adulthood and continuing to finance your adult offspring. Helping with initial expenses like driving lessons, a first car, and university is just normal parenting. If people can afford those things, they pay for them.

after university, an adult should be able to support themselves unless something unusual
happens.

I know my sibling and my husband’s sibling both have asked our respective parents for financial assistance at times as adults and received it. So our parents are open to helping if necessary. I don’t think they just offered though. The siblings had to ask for the money.

This is also my attitude.
My Mum gave me her jewellery when she was still alive as she wanted the pleasure of seeing me wearing it. I have recently passed it on to DD for the same reason.
I'd do anything to ease my DCs path through life.

Yes my Dad would help. He's not wealthy but has given me several cash gifts down the years, no strings attached. I am very lucky.