If one spouse wants to rehome a dog, and the other doesn't, who should get their way?

Either the person who wants to keep the dog takes on more responsibility or is prepared to let it go to a better home perhaps?
That is for them to resolve, communication is needed from both sides to find the best solution.

Why you thinking of having a child if you can't commit to a dog. Rethink relationship not dog. Person who doesn't want dog needs to leave of can't live with dog. A child is alot more stressful and limiting than a dog.

So from the extra information it seems as though no one is being unreasonable here- it's a sad situation and you have disagreement about how long to try to resolve it.

What about a compromise? Give it another 3 months to turn the situation around.

Do both sides trust each other on this?

Do both sides understand the emotional toll the decision will make?

I do think when someone has emotionally invested in a family pet, it's very hard to be made to give it up. I think it has to be a joint decision rather than a threat.

How do you compromise in this scenario?

You can’t keep half a dog.

What has changed in the last year which means you have less time to give the baby dog than you expected?

That's just silly and immature; one difference of opinion is not "fundamentally different values".
Do you really think people must be 100% in agreement on every value?
Marriage/partnershio is about compromise and consideration.

Rehome the dog - otherwise it is being kept where it isn't wanted. Give it to someone who wants it and will love it.

I'm imagining some v big or boisterous breed that shouldn't have been chosen in the first place,

The marriage definitely won't break down over it

How can you say that for certain @Priscilla2024? If my DH tried to force me to get rid of our dog, I genuinely don't think I could ever forgive him.

It sounds like neither of you put the effort in to train and socialise the puppy, and now it has behavioural issues, one wants to get rid whereas the other feels guilty and wants to try and work through it.

Dog ownership only really works out if both adults in the household are on board. Dogs are a tie, they need consistency, they need time and training and effort. If you have one partner who isn't interested, resentment builds really quickly and it rarely goes away.

Sadly I think the marriage will likely end regardless of what you do.

The way I read it, is you were both crap at training/ dealing with the dog for about 9 months at its behaviour was out of control. One partner has realised that they don't have the time/ effort/ inclination to train a dog you've essential not bothered to train since it was a pup. This partner wants to get rid of the dog. Other partner has suddenly decided they want to work on/ train the dog, but to the detriment of other aspects of shared domestic life, and expects the partner who wants to surrender the dog to suddenly take over doing things so they can focus of a dog they previously didn't really give much time to. Sorry, I'd be with the home who wants to re home, they are being more practical, than the one who thinks they are suddenly going to magically change their approach and become an effective dog owner

Could have a lot longer than 10 years of this. My dog's just turned 16.

I'm not anti rehoming. If a dog's needs aren't being met it would be better off with someone who will meet those needs. Disgraceful however that people get these pets on a whim without a thought to the work involved. It shouldn't be a surprise that a dog is a huge commitment in terms of time, effort and finances.

Our dog came to us from a similar situation when she was 8 months old - they did the right thing rehoming her, she's had a wonderful life with us.

It's not really about who gets their way and who doesn't. It's about the dogs quality of life.

I think it's sad and no, I couldn't give up a member of the family... however I believe my MIL should give up her 2 y/o Aussie shepherd b/c he isn't being given the life he deserves. He's not abused, he just deserves a bigger yard, active family, more attention etc.

So that's my question - what is better for the dog?

I’ve got two dogs, hell would freeze over before they were rehomed and my husband would be out of the door for even suggesting it. They’re family.

Dogs are a commitment, grow up and get on with it.

I think the current idea that you can’t leave a dog at all is unrealistic and over the top. We leave ours for a few hours and they just sleep. Dog sitter for when you go away.

There is no way I would sacrifice my quality of life or my marriage for the sake of a dog.

The dog will be just as happy, probably happier - given the circumstances, living with someone else.

It sounds like a dog isn’t compatible with your lifestyle/circumstances; instead of the partner picking up the slack of the one who’s willing to put in the work, can you outsource some of that work (cleaning or whatever is needed)? If you can’t prioritise the puppy’s needs it’s better you rehome.

I think your marriage is over. Such fundamentally different values

It sounds getting a dog was a bad decision for your family from the beginning, as compatibility with family life and troubles with holidays were foreseeable problems.
Moreover, you say that there were a significant change of circumstances on top of that.

Use the change of circumstances as an acceptable reason to re-home the dog and get over it. Prolonging the misery isn't fair on anyone.

IMO, it depends on who is doing the bulk of dog care.

If due to Partner A's other commitments, Partner B is doing almost all the feeding, shit cleaning and walking and Partner B doesn't want the dog as they feel overwhelmed with it all, then Partner A needs to either find a way to take on more dog care or agree to re-home.

There is strain on your marriage.
The dog behaviourist doubts you can fix the issues.
The dog deserves a home where it is wanted, believe me, they know when they are not welcome in your home.
Basic marriage counselling will tell you to reduce sources of conflict if possible.
I suggest you work with an animal rescue group/foster, and find the dog a better home.
And go to marriage counselling.
It is pointless to be blaming and bickering, you can both agree it was a mistake and move forward

If you're not both on board then do the dog a favour and rehome. I don't say this easily. I've always been a 'my dog is part of the family, regardless'. I'm in my 50's and have only ever had 1 yr of my life without a dog. I thought of all the lovely things I could do without a dog but when it came to it - there was nothing I liked more than being out and about with a dog. It's part of who I am.
I've had difficult dogs for sure. You deal with it, like you would a child. You make adjustments. The only reason I'd probably rehome a dog is if it was aggressive.

It depends on what issues are presenting themselves and the permanency of the changed circumstances.

If it is a new job where both are out of the house all day then you pay for doggy daycare a few days, ask for flexible working, get a friend or family member to call in, get smart tech to help and so on.

If it is a bereavement or a relative needing increased care that can be worked around too.

If one of you has become permanently disabled to the point where you can’t manage the dog - rehome.

If the dog has aggressive tendencies and you have a new baby or baby on way - rehome.

If they are liable to seriously injure anyone and you don’t have the time to train - rehome.

Too late for this. These should all have been very carefully considered before getting the dog. Dog stays.

Strongly agree with this. I love dogs, I adore my current dog and would never give him up but I think it's absurd to sacrifice your relationship in these circumstances. Dogs are highly sensitive to bad 'vibes' in the home and generally respond well to being removed from a damaging environment to a calmer, committed one. This situation sounds toxic all round for you, your partner and the poor dog.

The dog should stay unless there has been a very significant change of circumstances that could not have been foreseen, meaning that the dog's needs cannot be met. Examples include (but are not limited to) loss of a job or income, adults in the home unexpectedly not being able to wfh, diagnosis of an illness (of anyone in the household) which means walking and making time for dog has become very difficult. Basically any change of circumstance that negatively impacts the dog. Or aggression.