If one spouse wants to rehome a dog, and the other doesn't, who should get their way?

If the decision was before getting the dog I’d say it WBU to get the dog. The child analogy in the OP doesn’t hold up here, it would be like having a child then changing your mind and giving it up for adoption!

But you both made that decision and commitment so I think the dog should stay. So long as it’s being well cared for of course.

My vote is rehome the one who wants to give up on their commitment!

However, if there have been huge life changing circumstances since getting the dog, then I’d be more understanding.

@AnonAnonEmouse disgusting thing to do after the dog is now a loving part of your family!! dogs are extremely loyal to their family but obviously we cannot say the same about the poor dog's "loving" family! whoever wants to rehome the dog needs a good kicking! dont ever think of having another kid!

As we don't know the whole situation, I don't know whether keeping him is workable with a lot of inconvenience or whether it's just not possible to keep him.

If it is possible, which you do imply, then the one who wants to re-home should take a step back and think about the fact you made a commitment to that dog when you bought him.

Dogs are hard work, I'm out of the puppy stage now and have a gorgeous dog who I adore, but even being as well behaved and adaptable as he is, I still make most of my decisions around him and his needs.

I don't go on a holiday he can't join me on, I don't go out on New Year because of fireworks, and probably many other things. I work around him all the time. That's what having a dog is. He is worth it to me, the sacrifices you make.

However, I understand how absolutely awful it would be to make those sacrifices if I didn't want him and I imagine how much I could potentially resent him and how negative the impact on my life would be.

So in my heart I guess I'd say keep him and work it out, but in my head I think I'd say re-home him. He deserves 100% committment and if you're not happy, maybe he won't be either.

Good luck, it's a tough decision :(

What would be in the best interests of the dog? My parents had a spaniel from a puppy, it should have been great with children, thousands of pounds spent on multiple different trainers later he still couldn’t be trusted. They couldn’t have back doors open in the summer because he didn’t like the neighbours, there was no enjoyment from chilling with him because he didn’t want it and he had to go in a crate when anyone visited. He just simply wasn’t a family dog (he should be been sold as a working dog) and was rehomed to a more suitable owner.

I find the “keep the dog” stance really bizarre. It’s perfectly possible to responsibly and thoughtfully rehome a dog. Yes, it may take work - in some cases, a lot of work, but THAT is your unquestionable obligation. Not keeping an animal against your wishes and being miserable for a decade.

If you decided to get a dog as a family, it's your responsibility to carry it through.

As a non dog owner myself because I KNOW I do not have the time for one, it's quite sickening how many people get dogs without considering the consequences. Such selfish behaviour.

It sounds to me like the dog may have developed issues with separation anxiety and the behaviourist has suggested a plan which requires a lot of work (ie, not leaving the dog alone for a while, gradually building up in formulaic ways). This requires patience, commitment and diligence to get it right.

If this is the case, rehoming the dog will only worsen the problem for the dog, since he will feel abandoned and struggle more with alone time with a future owner. You really need to do the right thing by the dog and stick to the plan.

In my opinion, it really doesn’t matter now what you thought you were getting into as opposed to what you’ve ended up in. The person who wants to keep the dog, do they want to because they love the dog, they want a dog, they want that dog etc or do they feel guilty and that it’s sting to rehome the dog? That’s what it boils down to for me. Dogs can live many years and if you’ve made a mistake and it’s not going to work for you all, dog included, please rehome the dog, with great care and diligence, to someone who can give the dig the home it needs. Shit happens, it’s not ideal, but are you all going to spend the next decade miserable, including the dog, because it’s ’the right thing to do’ because actually, the right thing to do is rehome the dog, feel shit enough about what’s happened that lessons are genuinely learned so you won’t make that mistake again ever and then everyone gets on with their lives, including the dog. If you know in your heart that your heart isn’t in it and you’re ultimately going to rehome it down the line anyway after trying to make yourself feel better that you tried, forget that for all your sakes, do it now, feel the guilt, take the lesson from the guilt and draw a line under it. It’s all you can do really. People make mistakes. The dog can and will go on to have a genuinely happy life elsewhere with careful and prompt rehoming and you’ll know that a dog isn’t for you. Yes ideally people would know that before they got the dig but you can’t jump in a Time Machine and change that so you just do the best you can now.

Did neither of you think about how having a dog would impact on your lives before deciding to have one? The issue of holidays and how tying a dog is and the time it takes to train are obvious. RE-home the dog because you clearly can't cope as a family having one.

He went to work every day then had a go at me that I left the puppy in the crate (I couldn’t move some days due to HG)

Ok, in these circumstances I would break up a marriage!

I think the dog should probably be re-homed if a good and responsible home can be found. Yes, it should have through through better, but a decade is a long time to be unhappy with your domestic situation.

We rescued an older puppy (probably 6-9 months nobody knows for sure) and for many months I really really wished I hadn't. It was mainly my DD and I who wanted to do it but DH did agree to it too.

12-18 months was probably the peak of the horror. He chewed up everything in the house, dug up the garden, pulled me over a few times, ran off to play with other dogs, barked at cyclists and runners, humped everything in sight and the list goes on. We went to various training classes, 1:1 etc etc but it seemed to make very little impact.

There is no doubt it made my life much worse for a while but I would not have been able to live with myself if we gave him back. I was brought up that you honour your promises. DH would probably have given him back but he also agreed that we had committed plus our longstanding relationship dynamic is that I consult him but largely I have the final say! The only way I would have rehomed is if the dog was a danger or was making one of us actually ill physically or mentally.

Ddog is now 3 and we still have him. He stopped all the chewing, digging and pulling and most of the humping and honestly I think it was passage of time more than our inept efforts at training. I enjoy walking him and cuddling him. He has some ongoing issues with barking and reactivity to motorbikes, cats and some other dogs which need to be managed and I don't think he'll ever be a pub/ cafe kind of dog but I think the good outweighs the bad for me now.

Given your puppy is adolescent I would say you should give it another year because things are very likely to be better then. As others have said it's about values to a large degree and I would lose respect for someone who was willing to discard a commitment to a living being because of their own convenience.

Oh no, Priscilla's not gone has she? She sounded lovely.

May I suggest you go off and read a Book of Manners ?

Cos you have none !

I wish people would read these threads before getting a dog.

What is actually wrong with you to be so angry? Do you need someone to talk to? No one can possibly be in a nice, secure relationship who spouts this much bile.

I think you need a hug as a minimum

I dont think they have a stick up their arses, you’re just a vile person who thinks you can just dispose of an animal like it’s nothing.

The one who doesn’t want the dog. Definitely.

I rehomed a 5 month old puppy when dh was at work one day . I never wanted a dog. I’m ALLERGIC and I had HG so the smell made me sick. MIL had got it at 10 weeks old, 6 weeks later FIL had a stroke and she asked us to look after puppy while fil was in hospital and then recovering. I said no and then got home one day and dh had collected it.

I HATED it , it stank and was bitey and resistant to toilet training . I was so allergic and my asthma got bad. I told dh rehome it he said no and MIL told me I had no choice etc etc as it was dh choice not mine.

He went to work every day then had a go at me that I left the puppy in the crate (I couldn’t move some days due to HG).

I have an ultimatum one day that he had 48 hrs to rehome or I would. He laughed at me. 48 hrs the dog was gone and the locks were changed .

Christ, imagine admitting your marriage is so shit you'd crumble if you had to rehome a dog.

You're missing the point.

My marriage would crumble because it would change the way I thought about DH and his morals and values. He chose to get a dog and if he just decided he couldn't be arsed anymore, then he's not someone I'd happily stay married to.

Luckily he's not like that and is just as committed to our animals as I am.