If one spouse wants to rehome a dog, and the other doesn't, who should get their way?

I hope the poor dog stayed. They're not disposable

Ah sorry thanks!

@Dad1212 You would probably be better starting a new thread of your own re your issue rather than posting it on this thread which is a few months old.

I have a really tricky situation and would like some advice….We have had our dog for 7 years, I love this dog so much but my wife has always been a bit so so on him.
we have just had a new baby (8 weeks) and since then mum wants nothing to do with the dog (I do understand it)
I do almost all the walks and try and do as much as I can but I do work quite a lot and she’s at home with both of them.
my wife turned around and said she wants to rehome our dog and doesn’t think she can deal with both anymore..I really don’t want to!
the dog is going to stay with our amazing puppy sitter for 3 days a week at the moment to try and get her to adjust. Our dog loves the puppy sitter has his best friend (dog) there and they have a huge garden and he’s been going there since he was a tiny pup. The puppy sitter said the other day they would be more than happy to adopt Jax (our dog) this would be the only option that I would allow.
I still don’t know how to deal with the situation and would like some advice, sorry for the long post!

Not true at all , as an animal lover I couldn’t possibly love somebody who thought animals were disposable objects .

If I’m to follow your child analogy: so the 2 people decided to have a ‘child’ almost a year ago. Turned out that it’s not so easy so one partner wants out from all the responsibilities associated and the additional load. The other partner is willing to persevere. Usually in that scenario the couple splits,and ‘child’ is with the willing ‘parent’. 🤷🏻‍♀️

Anyone who puts a dog before their relationship with another human being has left the path of wisdom.

So to me it's coming across that you are the one that wants to re-home the dog.

Do you love the dog?

If you don't then it needs to be re-homed. I'm saying this as a dog lover who knows how much of a commitment it is but can also appreciate that having a dog is a massive burden if you don't love them.

If you do love the dog, then you need to think about its best interests. Can you fully commit to being responsible for its needs (and re-training) and accepting that your partner will never be committed to it and will possibly be resentful towards you about it? If you can live with that and think you can still do the best by the dog, then keep it, but otherwise I would re-home it.

If your heart is not in it or your partner's heart is not it in it then you need to decide whether your dog would be better off some where else.

@Beula82 We’ve been very lucky, he’s a lovely cuddly boy. 😍

Every dog is different, separation anxiety is higher in rescues but sounds like your bond is good and he’s a lucky one.

In this case, if the problem with OP’s dog is separation anxiety, rehoming to someone who is home more won’t help. SA, once established, is a fear of being left no matter how long. It needs to be addressed with a set protocol to desensitise the dog from time alone before it can be left alone at all. It’s time consuming and hard work but so worth it for the dog.

You mention having another child as in one that does not yet exist. Yes if the child does not exist then the only option is not having another child. If the child was already born and you changed your mind on wanting the child, the child would stay. Same for the dog. If it's about taking on another dog it's a no unless you both agree, if the dog is already family then the dog stays.

a dog is a lifetime commitment. Reasons for rehoming are allergies, specific aggression, and catastrophic life changes.

The dog doesn’t really fit our lifestyle is not a good reason to rehome a dog.

it’s not really a matter up for vote.

Good luck with rehoming.

Rescues and kennels are overflowing and not many are adopting dogs due to the COL crisis and people being forced back to the office.

Sadly this means many healthy young dogs end up being PTS.

@Beula82 If a new owner can be found who’s at home a lot, could it work out better in the end ?

I don’t have much dog training experience, I’m just wondering whether it might work out in the longterm. Our dog was abandoned when he was one and we adopted him from a shelter. He quickly bonded with us and doesn’t suffer from anxiety.

I quite agree re what the issue is here.

My post was a response to the many posts on this thread advising that there is an overriding responsibility to keep a dog even if it is making the owner(s) miserable.

Not an easy thing to deal with, but a dog needs to be in a home where everyone (or certainly every adult) wants him or her there. Same with a cat.

Agree I'd leave a marriage over this. Total deal breaker.

Thoughtfully rehoming the dog is one thing. Forgiving my husband for making me do it is another. I would feel he didn’t care about me.

The issue here isn’t what to do about the dog, it’s how the couple decide what to do about the dog. While one person is still emotionally invested in turning the situation around, the other needs to be patient.

This is why we don't have a dog, kids nagged for a while, we said no as we don't have the time for it that it deserves and I knew they'd get bored of it. There's been a huge rise in dog ownership during/since pandemic and many people don't actually think about what it entails, it's a huge commitment. Having said that, I do think if you can't give it what it needs, rehoming may be a better choice.

If my spouse wanted me to get rid of any of my pets , and when we met I had 4 horses , it would be the spouse that I would be losing . I seriously couldn’t feel loving towards someone who wanted to give away a family member which my pets are to me .

Whose idea was it to get a dog? Is that person prepared to take on all the work a dog requires?

How the hell do people not realise this before getting a dog? Of course they restrict your movements and holiday choices, require energy, attention, money etc. I wish it was harder to get a dog and that people had to go through a course explaining the bleedin obvious prior to making the decision.

Poor dog.

I feel for the dog. If spouse who wants to keep the dog can put in all the effort required to train the dog well then I would say fine to keep it. If not then it will be better for all to find the dog a new home where it can get all the training it needs.

I wouldn’t be able to give up a dog, but if you aren’t in agreement on keeping it and it affects how you spend your leisure time and holidays, your lives are going to become more separate and resentment will build.

You mentioned a big change, is this a new baby or a change of job which doesn’t allow WFH? An inheritance which gives you more flexibility to travel? It would be helpful to know what the change is so posters can offer more support.

Without knowing what these circumstances are it’s difficult to give a true opinion. But the rest of your posts suggest you both were simply underprepared for raising a puppy.

Is the dog closer to one of you than the other? This is quite normal and maybe the other person isn’t getting the same love and joy from the dog?

I don’t think I could be in a relationship with someone who wanted to give away our 11 month old puppy we committed to raising together.