Am I annoying or does he have anger issues?

This IS absolutely emotional abuse, OP. It took me years to recognise it when it happened to me because he could so often be nice, but it's control and manipulation. Does he by any chance have an issue controlling his temper with others? Friends/family/colleagues? Even if it's a problem across the board, there may be reasons for it but THESE ARE NOT EXCUSES FOR THAT BEHAVIOUR. If, as I suspect, he can actually choose who to unleash it on and it's generally you, what does that tell you?

Please start reading up about it (Lundy Bancroft's Why Does He Do That? is a great start). Get some counselling for yourself (NOT joint - they manipulate counsellors).

It's not you. You don't have to be perfect to deserve to be treated well.

Read that last sentence again.

He's a fucking asshole and you need to get yourself and your children away from him, love.

You’ve described my sister and my dad very little tolerance ,always right and off like a rocket then minutes later it’s like it never happened
100% can relate to being desensitised someone can be shouting I’m totally switched off
no idea what the answer is for you it is wearing but also very predictable

How often does he have these angry episodes when he's at work? Or in the company of friends?

I probably would have found your comment a bit annoying to be honest but I wouldn't have reacted as your husband did with screaming and shouting. If you can't tell your friends how he speaks to you because you feel it's too humiliating, what does that tell you? Your children are witnessing this OP. This will be their blueprint for relationships in adult life. Do you walk on eggshells around him, trying to do things the way he likes it so he won't get angry? You deserve better than this.

That’s awful 💐

Well done for making him your ex.

Poor kids.

I hope they’re at an age where they can move out soon.

*lock

Look the fucking doors

My husband never behaves like this. He is always courteous to me, even when tired/frustrated.

You are totally inured to your own abuse - and your kids' abuse. It seems from what you said they are actually probing whether you can split from him?

Your poor son. Growing up in a house like this damages children for life. It affects them and all their future relationships. Start taking steps to leave.

My ex hit me when he discovered that I’d made the bed with fresh sheets and the duvet cover had the buttons running along the top of the duvet, rather than along the bottom where your feet normally are.

Instead of flipping the duvet, he hit me.

Please get out.

I grew up in a house with parents like this. There wasn’t a week without a blazing argument.

I was desperate for them to split up.

Your children will be damaged if you stay.

he told me I’m very selfish and I was picking an argument, I can never see things from his point of view etc, ungrateful because he had made dinner.

And on the days that he takes issue with how you're doing something, do you berate him for picking an argument, not seeing things from your point of view, being ungrateful for you cooking dinner? No, didn't think so.

If someone served you a meal that was 80 percent great and 20 percent rat poison, would you eat it?

Are you aware that some men are great dads/partners 100 percent of the time? That doesn't mean they never get tired or frustrated or short-tempered, but when they do, they make the effort to manage their feelings and continue to speak well to their children/partner. And on the rare occasions they are really at the end of their tether and are a bit abrupt or short or rude, they recognise quickly that they have behaved poorly and proactively apologise rather than blaming the other person?

Your poor son is being emotionally abused by witnessing such abuse.
He threatened you with violence.
Throwing food is domestic violence.
Contact Women's aid and let them explain to you how serious this is.
You are choosing to accept this.
Your children have no such choice and will pay a terrible price for being witness to such terrible abuse.

Please take this very seriously.
Hopefully your children will tell someone like a teacher about their awful home life and SS will get involved.
This is not normal behaviour.
You and your children deserve better.

No.they don't. Unless they recognise they have a problem and actively want to change.

And I’d be saying goodbye. Absolute arse.

This really, really is abuse.

It’s also teaching your son that this is “normal” behaviour, which is not setting him up for happy and harmonious relationships in the future.

Abuse doesn't have to be him hitting you or keeping you prisoner in the house, it can still be things like always criticising everything you do and calling you names, making you feel small or worthless. I understand it's difficult to break away from a life you've been in for so long but please get help/support from wherever you can to get out of this, you may have become desensitised to it but I can guarantee it's causing your children no end of upset. Does he ever turn on them the way he does you?

This sounds like my ex.

I still remember the day he went off the rails the day I hung washing out on the line while he was building his new shed. Apparently, I was deliberately trying to distract and obstruct him with my laundry flapping about (that included his laundry too). He was so angry he had to shout, swear, call me names, throw tools around, storm off for the day, get pissed down the pub, not come home and not answer any of my calls or texts.

This behaviour continued to escalate to more and more abuse. I kicked him out the day he pinned me to the floor seething in my face, and drawing back punches and pretending to hit me (but hitting the floor besdie my head and laughing at me flinching) for because his KFC was apparently too dry, and that was my fault for not cooking him a home cooked meal.

Be careful OP. The level of anger he's displaying over something trivial (and yes, hypocritical) is frightening.

It is abuse, unless you are under the age of 2 , throwing food at someone is abusive.

He is being abusive , he's gaslighting you into thinking it's your problem. And yes he has massive anger issues and it's not your fault. You don't deserve this and your son definitely doesn't deserve to be living in this environment.