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AIBU?

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Original poster

To expect 12yo to have own bed at her dad’s?

41 replies

ThisLife2024 · 01/06/2024 18:26

My ex and I have 2 kids together, age 12 and 8. He is flitting between living at new GF’s 5/6 days a week and spending weekends at his parents’ where he has the kids each weekend for one night.

The kids (girls) have been sharing a double mattress on the floor for over 2 years on these weekly visits. They have the spare room.

Now my eldest has started her period and says she doesn’t want to share a bed with her little sister when she’s on it. Which is fair enough I think!

I have told ex, and as per he shut me down and said I was talking rubbish basically, and they are fine to share a bed (presumably into adulthood).

Now 12yo is anxious about going and saying she won’t go when on her period.

AIBU to expect him to at least sort out bunk beds for them?! Can I refuse to send her to her dad’s if he won’t change the sleeping arrangements and provide a separate bed?

We have split pretty amicably and I do pick my battles but this is winding me up. He has no empathy with her.

OP posts:
BrokenWing · 02/06/2024 02:07

Catsmere · 02/06/2024 00:03

Are you her father?

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Do you really expect an answer to that? If you have a sensible question ask it instead of failing spectacularly to look clever.

It was a reasonable question to ask what the dds concerns are.

Catsmere · 02/06/2024 00:03

BrokenWing · 01/06/2024 20:49

Well that is life, sometimes you just do have to. Life is never perfect all the time, sometimes you need to put up with minor inconveniences and it benefits kids to learn that. Which is why I was asking OP what was the concern/worry. Maybe there is another solution.

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Are you her father?

BrokenWing · 01/06/2024 20:49

LittleRedYarny · 01/06/2024 18:47

Whether or not you see it as an issue, the OPs older daughter does… maybe there are things you don’t like and others see as not a problem and you should just knuckle under and crack on, irrespective of your feelings? Not a great feeling is it?!

Show quote history

Well that is life, sometimes you just do have to. Life is never perfect all the time, sometimes you need to put up with minor inconveniences and it benefits kids to learn that. Which is why I was asking OP what was the concern/worry. Maybe there is another solution.

Mumofteenandtween · 01/06/2024 18:49

Well - he has two options. Either he can spend several hundred pounds taking you to court about it. Where there is a good chance that the court will agree with her anyway. (She is just about old enough, her objections are reasonable and she isn’t ending the relationship.)

Or he can spend £30 on two single airbeds from Argos.

LittleRedYarny · 01/06/2024 18:47

BrokenWing · 01/06/2024 18:40

The mattress on the floor isn't ideal, but I assume your dd would have the same problem if it was a double bed.

I don't see the problem with 12 and 8 year old sisters sharing a bed once a week in a room by themselves. Assuming she is properly sorted out with sanpro and period pants what is her concern?

Whether or not you see it as an issue, the OPs older daughter does… maybe there are things you don’t like and others see as not a problem and you should just knuckle under and crack on, irrespective of your feelings? Not a great feeling is it?!

SemperIdem · 01/06/2024 18:44

He just needs to get them bunk beds. Why is he being so obtuse and tight?

Cbljgdpk · 01/06/2024 18:44

I don’t think it’s a massive thing on it’s own but obviously if your DD isn’t comfortable with it then that’s fair enough and I wouldn’t force her to visit unless he comes out with a different idea. Is she worried about leaking through in the night?

SonicTheHodgeheg · 01/06/2024 18:44

Sharing a room is fine but I think that 2 singles is much more appropriate than a double.

wizarddry · 01/06/2024 18:43

BrokenWing · 01/06/2024 18:40

The mattress on the floor isn't ideal, but I assume your dd would have the same problem if it was a double bed.

I don't see the problem with 12 and 8 year old sisters sharing a bed once a week in a room by themselves. Assuming she is properly sorted out with sanpro and period pants what is her concern?

You don't see the problem but the 12 year old sees a problem. I wouldn't want to share a bed with my sister, I'm sure lots of people would feel the same

wizarddry · 01/06/2024 18:42

It's fine let her miss contact when her period is on if that's what she wants and follow up with an email to explain why and that it was her choice. Let it go to court if he can be arsed.

SonicTheHodgeheg · 01/06/2024 18:41

A judge would allow dd1 to choose how much contact she had with dad because of her age.

CandyLeBonBon · 01/06/2024 18:40

I think social services specify that a dedicated sleeping space is the bare minimum - I'm fairly certain they'd take a dim view of this arrangement if my understanding is correct?

BrokenWing · 01/06/2024 18:40

The mattress on the floor isn't ideal, but I assume your dd would have the same problem if it was a double bed.

I don't see the problem with 12 and 8 year old sisters sharing a bed once a week in a room by themselves. Assuming she is properly sorted out with sanpro and period pants what is her concern?

Original poster
ThisLife2024 · 01/06/2024 18:39

ComtesseDeSpair · 01/06/2024 18:27

Can you speak with the grandparents if you aren’t getting anywhere with your ex? It’s their house and if they’re facilitating contact they presumably have a relationship with their granddaughters and want them to be comfortable?

Edited

Yes I think this is the way round it tbh. I told her to have a word with them and I will if nothing has been decided this weekend. Thanks!

OP posts:
ComtesseDeSpair · 01/06/2024 18:27

Can you speak with the grandparents if you aren’t getting anywhere with your ex? It’s their house and if they’re facilitating contact they presumably have a relationship with their granddaughters and want them to be comfortable?

loropianalover · 01/06/2024 18:27

YANBU. How pathetic that this man literally can’t even provide a bed for his children and has no intentions of even trying to.

Why can’t he offer his own bed up to his DD and take the couch. This would wind me up badly OP.

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