To be furious at husband for secretly vaping while Ttc

Who wants this pregnancy? You or both of you?

I feel violated as I didn't consent to having chemical-laden semen in my body

Fuck me OP you need to get a grip. Having a sneaky vape doesn’t constitute sexual assault.

There are some really shitty comments on here.
@mmmkayyyy I completely understand why you are so upset.
I would be, as well.

"Of course you would, good lord, this post has me in despair, are we really that snowflakey now?"

Just one of the many shitty comments on this thread. OP is clearly having a hard time, do you think you could be a little kinder and more constructive?

This.

YABU

Giving up smoking is incredibly difficult and he’s done very well to do so.

He’s obviously not vaping very often as you would have known before now and so I wouldn’t be upset over this.

I don’t like vaping but if having one every now and then stops him from smoking cigarettes, then I’d be fine with it.

I’d be more concerned about why he’s so stressed out and whether this is the right time to TTC.

I have some sympathy for the partner/DH. It's really hard to quit smoking.

I also appreciate that's obviously really important to the OP that he quit so it's understandable that she's unhappy.

YANBU - TTC is a long and stressful process for many women. Ignore the posters who have decided to run with 'chemical laden sperm', and dismissed the stress you are under and the dishonesty of your husband, focus on those up thread who have bothered to listen.

There is much on MN about unfairness of the emotional load that women and mothers take carry in their relationships. Yet here you are taking on the main burden, being as healthy as you can, and your husband is not keeping up his end of a very reasonable deal. What the first thing many posters (predominantly women) do? Rip the piss out of a couple of emotional laden words whilst ignoring the bigger issue. Sometimes women are the worst enemies of women.

Its understandable that you are angry, but you do also need to let go of it to move forward. People make mistakes, take a breath and then sit down with your husband to talk about how you can both alleviate the your respective stresses and move forward.

Yeah @Summerflames it wasn't a holiday shag or anything! I literally got pregnant in the first 10 days of trying, and we had no expectation of that happening at all as I had PCOS and hadn't ovulated in a few years...

But hey. That's MN for you. All judge and little human fucking interaction these days.

I was just about to say the same thing.

Judgey, much? So she went on holiday and had fun like most people do. Got pregnant, it may be with her husband, in any case its not your concern @Coldsore. You sound mental.

@quizzys stress is proven to impede conception.

Honestly op if you would be ok with "just your two" maybe you should leave it at that. Perhaps your extreme reaction is because you don't really want this.

I think you could see the bright side- that he gave up smoking and maybe has been really trying. Kicking an addiction for some people is so hard. Vaping is gross but there are a lot worse things people do. Have you even thought why he might be doing it. You haven't been TTC that long, maybe you should give him a break.

I'll probably be absolutely flamed for this, but its really not meant to enrage those ttc.

What if when ttc, the pursuit of an uber healthy lifestyle with no slips on anything, smoking, vaping, fitness, weight control, diet,sleep, no upfs and so on is so stressful that it impedes conception?

Our parents and grandparents didnt seem to have the same fertility issues despite often smoking and drinking etc.

OK I've probably infuriated MN but it does strike me as something thats a possibility.

OP also states
I remember I had to re-home a cat years ago because of a postpartum panic disorder and I got flamed on here
I've ran out of things to say about this OP

Being addicted to something is fucking hard though.

I've stopped smoking plenty of times and then cracked again while on a night out or on a bad work day.

I'd be fucking astounded if my husband took that as any sort of reflection on our relationship, or how seriously I take it, rather than just simply understanding that addiction is hard to beat.

OP the guys not a monster, he’s struggling to come off nicotine. He’s not being transparent about this and your reaction will just continue that.
support him, and sort it out between you’s

People are massively missing the elephant in the room which is a massive lack of respect by the husband for vaping when he agreed not to. It's irrelevant whether there's risk or not. The OP asked him not to, he agreed, then he goes behind her back and does it anyway. Such a lack of respect is a massive red flag!

Op, you agreed to ttc with a non-smoker and non-vaper. I wouldn’t agree for either to be the parent of my child.

Chemical laden sperm,

I honestly don’t know how he even looks at you with a straight face..

You're no longer ttc if you’re not having sex. How do you see this playing out?

Because its posted on a public site and I'm interested.

Why a woman would have a child, with a man who is already lying about vaping !

Especially as she's stated she's happy with her two children.

Not me imagining thousands of little sperm swimming round vaping in the womb 👀

I've told him im not having sex with him anymore.

I suspect this will hamper your chances of conceiving a bit more than vapey sperm.

🤫 Do you think we should tell the OP there’s a very high likelihood that she was conceived with chemical laden semen which ultimately created her pure as the driven snow eggs?