To be furious at husband for secretly vaping while Ttc

OP you are aware that there is no such thing as "chemical free" otherwise we humans and this universe would simply cease to exist.

I understand your frustration, but you need to have a realistic and rational discussion with your partner about if you BOTH want a baby and what you will each do to help with conceiving. An ex-smoker vaping is healthier than going cold turkey and potentially smoking again. I wouldn't be excessively worried about this. I do wonder why he did not tell you about the vaping. Is he normally deceitful or is there any worry there about your reaction?

I was surprised by this post ( as it’s obviously far better than smoking) but then I’ve read up on it and seen that the NHS in some areas limit fertility treatment for people who vape because it’s been shown to affect men and women’s fertility. Which is actually very worrying for the numbers of young people who smoke and perhaps should be more widely known.

And call the bbc, if he is so bad leave him

I wouldn't use your terminology but I do agree with you op that it's very upsetting for you.

The dishonesty indicates he knew it was a problem when trying to conceive and I would be very angry about that.

At least with a smoker you can smell it on them and make your choice whether to have a child or not.

Nicotine gum sounds grim.

I think now it's in the open he really has to decide whether creating a child with you is more important than vaping or chewing nicotine gum when stressed and if he is prepared to give up for good.

You don't want to have a baby with him only for him to start it up again.

Honest to god, phone the police and say your husband assaulted you because he has sex with you and sometimes the odd sneaky vape and just await the blue lights coming screaming round your house.

Very generously sized testicles 😆

Ahahaha Mumsnet rules sometimes!

This is ridiculous. If he is without issue Fertility wise and you the same then a vape will not stop you getting pregnant

Infact if you’ve been trying a year then some other issue must be at play!

people get pregnant who are fat, unhealthy, alcoholic, heroin addicts you name it

The hype about living a healthy lifestyle is code for we don’t know so just go away and improve your lifestyle

OK, this is just getting ridiculous now!

Don't get me wrong, I have every compassion for what you are trying to do. However, your post is the perfect example why there are so many break ups while couples are trying to conceive. You are putting not only yourself through so much pressure that you are obsessing about every little second of your life and your actions, you also apply it to your partner. Sometimes, you need to take a step back and consider, whether your single obsession with having a child doesn't have a negative influence on your relationship. Telling your partner that you don't want their chemicals laden sperm inside you may express your worries about their fertility but will it contribute to your partner and you having a satisfying sexual life?

Take a deep breath op. I get where you are coming from and I suspect after experiencing a miscarriage you are very worried a out ttc a healthy baby and I suspect your reaction is linked to that as well. Of course vaping isn't healthy but the reality is there are lots of contaminants in our air, food and water and we cannot avoid them all. M/c are very sad when you experience them but are a very natural part of reproduction and not usually because of something you have done. Try to not feel quite so much rage....at least he hasn't begin smoking again. Talk with him about how else you can deal with stress and make sure he knows its because you care about his health rather than all about ttc because that can put a huge strain on your relationship.

He's given up smoking, that's really hard. Cut him some slack.

TTC is very stressful so I understand your frustration but I think you need to really consider things from your DP POV.
Was he keeping this from you because of how you would react? Judging from your OP you seem very likely to overreact.

You want to create a life with this man. Start having a bit more compassion, if he gave up smoking and is now vaping that's a massive step. It's a fucking addiction and it's difficult, also vaping helps with stress .... which sounds like your situation is full off.

YABVVVU. You can't control what a grown man is doing. If this is a deal breaker then have a baby with someone else but vaping really isn't that deep. Hence why the NHS actually use E cigarettes and vape kits as part of their quit smoking campaign.

And both me and my brother were premature, sickly babies with jaundice. My mum smoked 20 a day while
Pregnant.

In my book it constitutes completely unacceptable behaviour when ttc.

OP is right to be bloody furious with the idiot.

And let’s knock off all the stupid comments about how most blokes smoked fifty years ago. Surely you know that fertility rates are falling - we were ttc almost thirty years ago and DH was quizzed by our consultant on whether he smoked and how much he drunk. This isn’t a new concern -aside from it being vaping rather than smoking.

He’s not the father, as stated in the op.

Do you actually now want to have a baby (or be in a relationship) with someone who lies to you and sneaks around behind your back? I wouldn’t.

And you’re right to be. And the eye-rolling responders need to have a little think.

I would have exploded at mine if he had been smoking when we were ttc - or vaping if that had been around then. He is a total idiot.

I think this is more serious than other people are taking it. If a man lies and claims to be infertile, say, but then was found to be not, there is a good claim to say that any sex was not consensual. If this guy was lying about the vaping and having sex, this could have been non consensual too which is very serious matter and I would consider leaving him or more

Did he smoke when your other kids were conceived?

I think I'll listen to a fertility expert thanks!

Smoking is not vaping.

Meant to quote @Matildahoney !

My husband conceived his first two children with his ex wife whilst smoking 20 a day (I assume he put it out before doing the deed but who knows, I wasn't there🤷‍♀️) Going from the select samples of males I have slept with my husband has very generously sized testicles and I cannot report any shrinkage. Sadly all this report proves is that vaping is clearly bad for rats.....as long as you are trying to conceive with an adult human male you should be fine.

We were told at a fertility appointment that vaping had been tested on rats and was shown to half the size of their testicles, so you may want to share that with him. I'd be pissed off about the lying!

YAB very fucking U.

This! I'm so pleased I was born in a time when people just got on with life instead of trying to micro manage everything and everyone.