To ask if this potential situation with DC’s dad is as terrible as I think it will be?

you cannot force him to have a relationship, at the end of the day if he doesn't want to make the effort to see his son regularly, that's his loss.

your son will be able to facetime with his Dad in between visits which is brilliant especially as your son is so young.

its not your job to force their relationship, try not to be too angry

My ex has lived around 4 hours drive away since our twins were a year old.
He sees them - on average - every 4/5 weeks for a night or 2.
Now that they're older - 6 - they sometimes spend a bit longer with him.
He's a poor excuse for a Father, but both girls love him and enjoy time with him.
It's tough on Twin 2, as she absolutely dotes on/misses him, whereas Twin 1 is more 'out of sight, out of mind'.

Being realistic, you can't stop him going. You need to have a calm conversation with him about how and when he is going to see his son. Every other weekend isn't ideal but at least it's regular and you can plan your free time then also. Going in all guns blazing accussing him of abandoning his son isn't really going to help, he'll go on the defensive which is natural when we feel attacked. Tell him how important he is in his son's life and that you want them to still have a close relationship.

OP, is there a reason why your ex currently has his son every weekend? Surely this means you never get any quality leisure time with your child and your ex never gets any weekend time to himself?

There are jobs meaning you have to work away for weeks or months on end I'm not sure that it's the end of the world....what's the current plan for when your child starts school to only see him after school and some holidays because every weekend's dad's? Lots of people alternate the weekends to get around this.

I would message him and ask in a non-confrontational manner how often he’s planning on seeing DC so you can plan other support such as a cleaner or baby sitter as you’ll have less child free time. Maybe saying you understand he’s going to miss being with his child and you’re more than happy to facilitate video calls on the weekend’s he’s not with DC so he still gets to see him in some way.

I mean I think there is no excuse, what would you do if you had to travel 4/5 hours to see your child? I would still do that every weekend. I know a dad that flys to Spain every weekend to see his children. Dads don't seem to care like the mums do generally. My ex lives literally round the corner and can only muster seeing the kids every other weekend for an afternoon not even a whole day!

I'm not sure I would get so upset without finding out what his plans are. I personally can't see why you wouldn't want something like every other weekend, as presumably if you work full time you currently get zero days a week to have fun together?

Would two weekends each a month work well?

Very selfish of him to move so far away, but I think he'd still be able to maintain a relationship with your child IF he puts the effort in. Every other weekend or at least one in three, plus video calls/phone calls at least a couple of times a week. It's frustrating and extremely hard for you if everything is on you - but it sounds like the practicalities already are anyway. It sounds like you just want what's best for you child and if that includes keeping things as amicable as possible so that you're more comfortable financially, so be it. It shouldn't have to be that way at all, but I guess we all try to muddle along as best we can really. Hope all goes ok.

What a stupid question.
what value would you put on all the hours the OP spends with her child?

OP, I have a very good bond with my dad who I only saw in school holidays due to distance. We also talked on the phone every week. Please do try to keep the relationship going. It's very possible if you are both committed to it. Hopefully this will be temporary with your ex.

I would approach it with him as how can we keep the relationship going and work out Facetime times and weekends and visits when possible. It's not impossible. We don't feel army parents or others who work away have abandoned their children, so don't approach it from that.

Would EOW be the end of the world, OP? And surely if your ex has DS less, you will get more maintenance? I’m not sure if you have grounds to claim for a cleaner though, although this could be funded from the increase in maintenance payments?

I think you should be incandescent
Imagine if you took a job 5 hours away and just told your DC's dad he could look after DC now. Imagine if said you'd come back less than once per week. Imagine if you said "So sad, too bad, but here's some money for a cleaner, byeeee!". Imagine how wildly angry he'd be - you be that angry.

so far I have paid on average around 150 a month on ds from my own income (including full time nursery).
Only £150 a month from you towards your child? Do you think you shouldn't have to pay anything?

I think this may be over exaggerated.
Lots of mothers all over the world move countries, even continents, for better jobs, and leave their children with family for years. These include women one wouldn't think to look down on morally - such as nurses from the Philippines.

I’m not sure you can really know how it will be. My friend lives 5 hours from his kids and visits them every other weekend - he negotiated different hours from work so drives down on a Friday afternoon, picks them up from school, has them in a hotel all weekend and then leaves Sunday late afternoon. He also speaks to them minimum twice a week on FaceTime. So it’s not ideal - and he would see them more if local - but it’s not terrible. If your ex really wants to preserve the relationship then he can (and ultimately if he doesn’t then you can’t make him!)

It sounds like your ex is being vague, it may be hard for him to fully predict how it will work when he moves, so you’ll just have to wait and see how it goes.

I can completely understand that. There's not much you can do is there, it is his choice. I think you just need ex to be clear so you can prepare your son and be ready to be there for him. Big changes often lead to a bit of playing up with children, but with the right support he will be fine. He'll just learn that you are the one that's there for him.

Ugh, I have no suggestions, only sympathy. You are well rid of him but I'm sorry for you and your son. What a selfish man.

I'm upset for you and your son. A slight deviation hardly sounds like the end of the world, especially when this is the alternative.