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To be angry at mil for scaremongering

37 replies

Cookiesncreme · 01/06/2024 17:27

Yesterday my partner sent a video of baby crying to get some advice from his mother whilst I was napping. For context our baby just had his 8 week.jabs day prior, has reflux and is very windy.
His mum said he might have hydrophalus and then we need to see a gp ASAP as he is in pain.
I've been woken to my partner xoming in saying we need to see a gp because baby is crying really badly and his mum say its might be fluid on the brain.
I'm completely baffled and said we'll have you winded him etc.
For context I have really bad anxiety and have mentioned it to HV when they came about how I'm worried about things being wrong with baby so this resllly isn't helpful or nice to have pushed on you from someone who's seen the baby once and seen a 30 second video.
I mentioned it to her that it's not helpful and she's caused me even more anxiety now by saying he has this disease. Anyway its caused huge argument now between all of us because of this. She's also not sorry for mentioning it even though its caused my anxiety to come back worse. She also messaged me saying my baby is in pain so I need to go to gp. Any ops?

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VeryStressedMum · 01/06/2024 21:21

Why on earth would anyone say that the reason a baby is crying is because they've got fluid on the brain Confused didn't either of you think it was a strange thing to say or did you both just start flapping about in a panic

ambushoftigers · 01/06/2024 20:56

How old are you and your dp? And your MIL if she wants another baby?

Emmerald · 01/06/2024 20:41

He sent a video of your baby crying to his mother who immediately misdiagnosed the health issueproblem? From a VIDEO of a baby crying? 🤦🏻‍♀️

Fucks sake. We are surely going to hell in a fucking handcart.

You have a bonkers MIL and a deliberately incompetent partner. His MOTHER should have told him to man up and find out what the problem was with your baby by trial and error like we all do! Not fed him a line designed to waste our busy GP and/or A&E staff time! 🤦🏻‍♀️

LuluBlakey1 · 01/06/2024 20:38

Cookiesncreme · 01/06/2024 17:44

I agree to an extent, i have told him to stop involving her as she has severe anxiety so everything to her is bad. It's not the first time I've had issue though, she constantly spam calls me, drunk messages me and during pregnancy would cry if I didn't do things the way she expected so I guess it's just another thing to add that's me angry at her as well as him.

She sounds awful.

ambushoftigers · 01/06/2024 20:37

Jojobees · 01/06/2024 20:32

My child has a craniofacial disorder. Presumably your child has a typical shaped head? Typical fontanelle’s? Hydrocephalus that’s severe enough to cause raised ICP leading to crying would be visibly obvious

None of them would have a clue what you are talking about.

Jojobees · 01/06/2024 20:32

My child has a craniofacial disorder. Presumably your child has a typical shaped head? Typical fontanelle’s? Hydrocephalus that’s severe enough to cause raised ICP leading to crying would be visibly obvious

StarbucksQueen1 · 01/06/2024 20:22

She sounds like a nutter
Your DH sounds like a twat who needs to stop running to mummy for advice about a crying baby who had had vaccinations and has reflux! Babies cry… all the time!
You need some support from the HV to get your anxiety under control.
Fluid on the brain came from where? Why would your baby have this!!

ambushoftigers · 01/06/2024 20:20

Cookiesncreme · 01/06/2024 17:35

I think the issue with that take is she's told us to go to the GP urgently, how is he supposed to go to the GP without me knowing? Plus my partner really dosnt have a clue about babies so he couldn't contest it.

How can you have 9 months or so to prepare for a baby but still have no clue op? Is your bar that low?

ambushoftigers · 01/06/2024 20:18

Cookiesncreme · 01/06/2024 18:37

What so he has fluid brain because he crying. She's a dafty,jealous because she wants another kid

I’m sorry but you all sound bonkers.

Kdubs1981 · 01/06/2024 19:19

Famfirst · 01/06/2024 18:27

She might be seeing something you're not, it's a random thing to pick out of the air if she's not seen somethings to suggest problems. She shouldn't keep it to herself just to spare you a bit if worry. If she saves his life you'll be thanking her.

Batshit. Is she a paediatric neurologist?! Can she identify the signs of hydrocephalus. Utter nonsense.

FictionalCharacter · 01/06/2024 19:07

Plus my partner really dosnt have a clue about babies so he couldn't contest it.

Well he needs to start learning then, right now, because he's a father now. And he needs to stop asking his idiot mother for advice, because she's never going to tell him anything sensible.

MyBreezyPombear · 01/06/2024 19:01

Cookiesncreme · 01/06/2024 18:37

What so he has fluid brain because he crying. She's a dafty,jealous because she wants another kid

So you think what she said is stupid? Why are you getting all anxious over it then?

Josette77 · 01/06/2024 18:59

Cookiesncreme · 01/06/2024 18:37

What so he has fluid brain because he crying. She's a dafty,jealous because she wants another kid

What???

You really hate this woman.

TheShellBeach · 01/06/2024 18:50

Famfirst · 01/06/2024 18:27

She might be seeing something you're not, it's a random thing to pick out of the air if she's not seen somethings to suggest problems. She shouldn't keep it to herself just to spare you a bit if worry. If she saves his life you'll be thanking her.

Sorry, but that's nonsense.

Cookiesncreme · 01/06/2024 18:37

What so he has fluid brain because he crying. She's a dafty,jealous because she wants another kid

OP posts:
Famfirst · 01/06/2024 18:27

She might be seeing something you're not, it's a random thing to pick out of the air if she's not seen somethings to suggest problems. She shouldn't keep it to herself just to spare you a bit if worry. If she saves his life you'll be thanking her.

elliejjtiny · 01/06/2024 17:56

My baby had hydrocephalus (now resolved). It would be extremely obvious if your baby had enough fluid on his brain to cause a problem.

MyBreezyPombear · 01/06/2024 17:54

Ok so she's got severe anxiety and she reacted and it's her fault that it's spiked your anxiety? You need to take some responsibility for your own anxiety.

Your partner needs to learn how to parent and stop sending her videos of the baby crying.

ilovepuppies2019 · 01/06/2024 17:52

It’s a cray conclusion to leap to but it sounds like she has anxiety. It’s a bit much to complain that her anxiety is unreasonable and annoying because it’s aggravating your anxiety. You both need to respect each other’s state of mind and mental health. Your DH shouldn’t message her with fears about the baby’s health if she has anxiety (or ideally at all as he is the father). He shouldn’t pass on crazy fear induced advice to you if you have anxiety. Now you know and he hopefully won’t do this again.

PurpleBugz · 01/06/2024 17:52

Cookiesncreme · 01/06/2024 17:42

Moral of the story is I should've just not had a bloody nap

Absolutely not!! He couldn't palm baby off on to the woman in his life so he went to another woman for a magical answer on how to calm baby instead of learning to parent for himself. DO NOT relieve him if his parenting because he can weaponise incompetence this way. Make him learn. If he's concerned for baby he can go gp with baby himself

Itsonlymashadow · 01/06/2024 17:49

Cookiesncreme · 01/06/2024 17:44

I agree to an extent, i have told him to stop involving her as she has severe anxiety so everything to her is bad. It's not the first time I've had issue though, she constantly spam calls me, drunk messages me and during pregnancy would cry if I didn't do things the way she expected so I guess it's just another thing to add that's me angry at her as well as him.

OK so she has anxiety, someone came to her and she reacted the way she did due to anxiety. But she is also responsible for how you react to advice she was asked for and responsible for your anxiety.

So who is responsible for triggering her anxiety? Or do you expect her to manage her own and take yours into account?

Dp knows she has anxiety. Knows you do. And he caused all this. I appreciate you have issues with her (who wouldn't from this post) but she really isn't to blame. I know it's easier to blame someone you already have issues with, but this is a situation of your dps making.

That said, she sounds like a bit of a nightmare in general

TheShellBeach · 01/06/2024 17:47

Babies all cry, especially after their jabs.

Honey, if your baby had hydrocephalus, don't you think they'd have noticed it when he was having the injections?

Justcallmebebes · 01/06/2024 17:44

I'm confused too. Crying baby to hydrocephalus is a huge leap. I'd just ignore her and your DP seems a bit lame too

SneezedToothOut · 01/06/2024 17:44

Plus my partner really dosnt have a clue about babies

Time for him to learn then. And not like this.

You need to explain to him how important it is that you, as baby’s parents, are on the same side and that running to his mother is the worst thing he can do.

Cookiesncreme · 01/06/2024 17:44

I agree to an extent, i have told him to stop involving her as she has severe anxiety so everything to her is bad. It's not the first time I've had issue though, she constantly spam calls me, drunk messages me and during pregnancy would cry if I didn't do things the way she expected so I guess it's just another thing to add that's me angry at her as well as him.

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