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AIBU?

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Original poster

Instrumental teacher refusing to teach my child

362 replies

MairSS · 01/06/2024 14:30

I just cannot believe the email I’ve just received from my child’s instrumental teacher!
DS has been receiving instrumental lessons at school for a couple of terms. The music teacher is freelance and therefore parents pay fees directly to her.
We pay up front each half term. She invoices us. I had overpaid by one lesson last time, and she had not realised this. I therefore sent her a message telling her to check her account. She immediately did and apologised saying she had not realised and adjusted the invoice accordingly. I wrote another message saying that in fact I always pay on time and didn’t appreciate getting messages saying I hadn’t paid when I had.
She then said on reflection it may be better if I found an alternative teacher as she doesn’t tolerate rudeness and reattached her terms and conditions!
surely she can’t do this? How unprofessional! I’ll be making an appointment to see the headteacher on Monday!

OP posts:
Glittertwins · 01/06/2024 15:31

This sounds remarkably similar in attitude to the violin teacher not wanting to teach a child a few months back and maybe the teacher is regretting their original decision

KnitnNatterAuntie · 01/06/2024 15:30

OP . . . have you never made an honest mistake?

That's what your son's violin teacher made and she apologised when she realised her error

You, however, decided to rub her nose in it and, not surprisingly, she has withdrawn her services rather than carry on dealing with you

The kind and gracious (and NORMAL) thing to have done would have been to say "No problem" when she realised her error

Your behaviour since then, refusing to share your bank details so she can refund you, just re-enforces her opinion of you as an extremely difficult parent. I don't think you have a chance of getting her to change her mind . . . .

Sirzy · 01/06/2024 15:30

Your attitude is going to be the reason your child has no violin lessons.

sometimes in life even if you believe you are right you need to suck it up and be the bigger person. You need her a lot more than she needs you!

your choice is simple - send an apology or explain to your son how your pettiness means he can’t do violin anymore.

Arlanymor · 01/06/2024 15:30

MairSS · 01/06/2024 15:25

I haven’t apologised no, I had paid for an additional lesson to make my bill reduced for this block of lessons after half term. I thought it was also beneficial to the teacher as she would have had extra money in her account. I assume that people regularly check their bank account and can see what money is going in and out!

I wouldn’t make assumptions on behalf of the teacher, either about her financial status or how she manages her business finances. She probably assumed you were a reasonable, polite person until you proved otherwise. I think you have some cheek not to apologise when everyone here has pointed out your bad behaviour, do you not know how to say sorry?

PossumintheHouse · 01/06/2024 15:29

😂I am so sad for coming back to this thread.

You needed to apologise for your rude batshittery.

She's already apologised for her mistake. You had one chance to make it right for the sake of your son, and you've blown it. Too late now. Poor kid.

ilovesooty · 01/06/2024 15:29

In fact if I were her even if you did apologise at this point I wouldn't want you as a customer now.

murasaki · 01/06/2024 15:27

If you haven't apologised, your kid will be back home on Tuesday after the lesson with no violin. And rightly so.

And you can explain why that is.

ilovesooty · 01/06/2024 15:26

If you haven't apologised I imagine this lesson will be his last one.

Original poster
MairSS · 01/06/2024 15:25

I haven’t apologised no, I had paid for an additional lesson to make my bill reduced for this block of lessons after half term. I thought it was also beneficial to the teacher as she would have had extra money in her account. I assume that people regularly check their bank account and can see what money is going in and out!

OP posts:
Confusednewmum1 · 01/06/2024 15:23

You have behaved terribly OP and you are still doing it. You have literally said - I pay her….. Does that mean she is your servant?

I think you urgently need therapy and to look really hard at yourself in the mirror.

Also please please think before you speak to your child, blowing up at a perfect stranger like this is a sign of serious mental and emotional immaturity.

ilovesooty · 01/06/2024 15:23

SilkFloss · 01/06/2024 15:18

Anyone else praying that the violin teacher doesn't change her mind?

Me. I wouldn't.

KeyboardMash · 01/06/2024 15:22

MairSS · 01/06/2024 15:16

I don’t want to find a different teacher, my son likes her and it’s very convenient for him to have lessons at school with a couple of others from his class. Private lessons will cost about 3 x the price I’m paying and he doesn’t want one to one lessons, he’s too young.
I’ve messaged her and she had agreed to see him Tuesday instead of refunding me.
I’ll see if she changes her mind

Can you see how this is ALL about you and your kid? You aren't engaging with what you have done to her? You've behaved in a completely inappropriate way and done nothing to acknowledge or rectify that. Why should SHE put up with that?

ilovesooty · 01/06/2024 15:22

MairSS · 01/06/2024 15:16

I don’t want to find a different teacher, my son likes her and it’s very convenient for him to have lessons at school with a couple of others from his class. Private lessons will cost about 3 x the price I’m paying and he doesn’t want one to one lessons, he’s too young.
I’ve messaged her and she had agreed to see him Tuesday instead of refunding me.
I’ll see if she changes her mind

Did you apologise?

Kitkatfiend31 · 01/06/2024 15:22

MairSS · 01/06/2024 14:37

Whether I came across as rude or not, it’s totally unacceptable, it’s my child that’s missing out. I pay for lessons and I expect them to be delivered!

People don't have to do what you want just because you are paying. Your child is missing out because of your attitude. Either grovel to her so she might continue teaching your child. Or find another teacher and be polite to them.

schloss · 01/06/2024 15:21

Never ceases to amaze me how rude some people can be and for them not to realise when in a hole to stop digging but along another one comes!

You sent a second email - what it should have said was "thank you so much for quickly getting back to me about the overpayment, pleased it is all sorted, juniorMairSS so enjoys his lessons and wil look forward to seeing you at his next lesson" instead you had to send an email which not surprisingly caused a problem.

The only person who is causing your son problems with his violin lessons is you with the way you are treating his teacher.

Good you seem to have sorted it, I would be buying the teacher a small gift to say sorry.

viques · 01/06/2024 15:21

MairSS · 01/06/2024 15:16

I don’t want to find a different teacher, my son likes her and it’s very convenient for him to have lessons at school with a couple of others from his class. Private lessons will cost about 3 x the price I’m paying and he doesn’t want one to one lessons, he’s too young.
I’ve messaged her and she had agreed to see him Tuesday instead of refunding me.
I’ll see if she changes her mind

Well that is kind of her, though I wouldn’t hold out much hope of him having a lesson the following week. She probably has a waiting list and will be passing the violin along.

You really are cutting your child’s nose off to spite his teacher aren’t you?

Testina · 01/06/2024 15:21

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

Thanksforyourlackofthought · 01/06/2024 15:20

Looks like the music teacher is a far better person than you OP.

Sadly for your son, there's a lot of people hoping she doesn't change her mind because the only way people like you will learn is the hard way.

Summertimeinschool · 01/06/2024 15:19

I think you should swallow your pride and apologise in the hope that you can rectify this for your child. Include in the apology that your child loves the lessons and you don't want him to be punished for your actions, it might resonate with the teacher.

piefacedClique · 01/06/2024 15:19

I can’t wait to see how that works out when you use your “charms” on her 🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣

hocus pocus witch GIF
Birdahoy · 01/06/2024 15:18

OP, have you apologised for your snarky email?

alittlehopeisadangerousthing · 01/06/2024 15:18

You sound very entitled.

Money can't buy respect.

SilkFloss · 01/06/2024 15:18

Anyone else praying that the violin teacher doesn't change her mind?

Arlanymor · 01/06/2024 15:18

MairSS · 01/06/2024 15:16

I don’t want to find a different teacher, my son likes her and it’s very convenient for him to have lessons at school with a couple of others from his class. Private lessons will cost about 3 x the price I’m paying and he doesn’t want one to one lessons, he’s too young.
I’ve messaged her and she had agreed to see him Tuesday instead of refunding me.
I’ll see if she changes her mind

Have you apologised?

PossumintheHouse · 01/06/2024 15:18

MairSS · 01/06/2024 15:16

I don’t want to find a different teacher, my son likes her and it’s very convenient for him to have lessons at school with a couple of others from his class. Private lessons will cost about 3 x the price I’m paying and he doesn’t want one to one lessons, he’s too young.
I’ve messaged her and she had agreed to see him Tuesday instead of refunding me.
I’ll see if she changes her mind

And did you actually, you know, fucking apologise?