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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Instrumental teacher refusing to teach my child

362 replies

MairSS · 01/06/2024 14:30

I just cannot believe the email I’ve just received from my child’s instrumental teacher!
DS has been receiving instrumental lessons at school for a couple of terms. The music teacher is freelance and therefore parents pay fees directly to her.
We pay up front each half term. She invoices us. I had overpaid by one lesson last time, and she had not realised this. I therefore sent her a message telling her to check her account. She immediately did and apologised saying she had not realised and adjusted the invoice accordingly. I wrote another message saying that in fact I always pay on time and didn’t appreciate getting messages saying I hadn’t paid when I had.
She then said on reflection it may be better if I found an alternative teacher as she doesn’t tolerate rudeness and reattached her terms and conditions!
surely she can’t do this? How unprofessional! I’ll be making an appointment to see the headteacher on Monday!

OP posts:

WearyAuldWumman · 02/06/2024 14:40

Lifestooshort71 · 02/06/2024 14:32

This is a bit mean. Yes, she has mishandled the situation badly but to label her the mum who'll blight her son's life is below the belt.

Show quote history

Not mean. It might be the helpful wake up call that the OP needs.

Lifestooshort71 · 02/06/2024 14:32

Aquamarine1029 · 02/06/2024 13:42

Your son is the kid with "that mum." He won't have any friends who come over, he won't be invited to any parties, because their mums have already dealt with your batshittery and refuse to have anything to do with you. Because of your behaviour, your son will be the one paying the price. I've seen this scenario many times when my kids were growing up.

This is a bit mean. Yes, she has mishandled the situation badly but to label her the mum who'll blight her son's life is below the belt.

HuongVuong3 · 02/06/2024 14:28

She is not your inferior and I don't blame her at all for wanting nothing more to do with you. If I was spoken to like that at work I would walk too.

SleepyRich · 02/06/2024 14:27

OP reading your responses you just sound like a ridicules person/some kind of youtube caricature for a 'Karen'. I have no investment in this and just reading how you yourself describe your own actions (which normally people do in a way to make it the most positive view) makes me hope that instructor holds their ground and cancels the lessons as it's awful when bullies get their own way.

Sendinsanity · 02/06/2024 14:25

I wouldn't tolerate an obnoxious parent either. It was an oversight. Maybe take it as a lesson to check how you speak to people?

Hellenicnim · 02/06/2024 14:25

I imagine she's only agreed to Tuesday to get her violin back as you clearly were going to be difficult about it.

ChocHotolate · 02/06/2024 14:24

I expect the teacher has agreed to teach on Tuesday just so they can get their violin back

BatshitIsTheOnlyExplanation · 02/06/2024 14:20

This is the first Mumsnet thread I've ever read where everyone replying 100% agreed with each other!

MissScarletInTheBallroom · 02/06/2024 14:16

MairSS · 01/06/2024 14:37

Whether I came across as rude or not, it’s totally unacceptable, it’s my child that’s missing out. I pay for lessons and I expect them to be delivered!

I can't imagine why she has decided she doesn't want you as a client.

lemonmeringueno3 · 02/06/2024 13:56

i like the sound of this music teacher. it is so common now for teachers to be spoken to in a rude, disrespectful way and - unlike any other professional - we are expected to smile and accept it, and usually for the rest of the year too. its brilliant that she stood up for herself and you were forced to backtrack. it is as if you expected to be rude and for there to be no consequences.

Aquamarine1029 · 02/06/2024 13:42

EclairsAndDoughnuts · 02/06/2024 13:03

Please don't use 'Karen' as an insult. It's a woman's name and it's bad enough having to deal with male misogynistic attitudes without jumping on the bandwaggon ourselves.

Other than that, I entirely agree with you @Daphnis156

Daphnis156 · 02/06/2024 13:00

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

Trumpetoftheswan2 · 02/06/2024 12:53

The teacher is very kind to agree to teach your son on Tuesday. I hope that you appreciate that, even if you don't have the decency to apologise.

Mnetcurious · 02/06/2024 12:02

I’m on the teacher’s side, it sounds like you were unnecessarily rude - she made an honest mistake which when pointed out she immediately rectified and apologised for.
It is a fairly extreme reaction to drop your child if it was just this incident so I’d say it’s probably not the first time you’ve been unreasonable or she just doesn’t enjoy teaching your child for whatever reason (progress, lack of practise, unpleasant attitude) and it’s a good excuse to end the relationship.

Pootle23 · 02/06/2024 11:50

Clarinet1 · 01/06/2024 15:38

I’m reminded of the renowned piano teacher and founder of the Leeds Piano Competition, Fanny Waterman. When people asked her how she picked her pupils she said she didn’t - she picked the parents!

Edited

Yep. This is reason I refuse to help with our youth band. The kids are great, but some of the parents are rude and insane to deal with.

Letsbe · 02/06/2024 08:55

It must be annoying but ehen I had children I learnt to curb my reactions to annoying things for thee sake of the children.

ForegoneConfusion · 02/06/2024 01:17

MairSS · 01/06/2024 15:25

I haven’t apologised no, I had paid for an additional lesson to make my bill reduced for this block of lessons after half term. I thought it was also beneficial to the teacher as she would have had extra money in her account. I assume that people regularly check their bank account and can see what money is going in and out!

Okay, so without asking her, you decided to overpay the bill from last term in order to reduce the cost of this terms bill. In that case, why didn't you pay the bill when it arrived, minus the amount of one lesson?

In lieu of a better explanation, it sounds like you did this to try and delay having to make the next payment on time.

saltinesandcoffeecups · 02/06/2024 00:34

Oh dear… Can’t wait for the update on Tuesday 🤣

Don’t give up @MairSS it’s your right to have this teacher teach your kid violin!

ilovesooty · 02/06/2024 00:26

murasaki · 01/06/2024 23:00

It's hardly outing. This type of parent are legion and they walk amongst us.

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Oh I agree with you. However it often happens when posters don't like the responses.

BeauSignoles · 01/06/2024 23:20

DH used to co-ordinate the music lessons at his school. The tales he could tell about parents like OP were endless! I'm glad he no longer does it, for the sake of his sanity. But I miss the entitled parent stories.

Summerbay23 · 01/06/2024 23:13

Gees, you sound really rude and entitled. You might still be able to save your child’s lesson if you apologise and put it down to you having a bad day but I wouldn’t blame her for not wanting to continue with the lessons (that’s the beauty of being freelance).

PathOfLeastResitance · 01/06/2024 23:07

This violin teacher is my new hero.

PossumintheHouse · 01/06/2024 23:02

fitzwilliamdarcy · 01/06/2024 21:19

OP will come back gloating that music teacher apologised to her for all of the misunderstandings and has agreed to teach her son for free from now on.

Or some other similar “gotcha” that seems utterly inexplicable but is mysteriously trotted out when a thread appears to be going badly for an OP.

Show quote history

1, 4, and I hope for the fucking life of me 5.

murasaki · 01/06/2024 23:01

My money's on 3.

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