To think it's not ok for a 17yo to spend all summer in his room

I could have written this post! Mine only comes out of his bedroom to eat!
All his friends are online though.
he has zero interest in clothes, doesn’t want to work, doesn’t want to drive. Only wants money for gaming stuff, which he doesn’t get unless he earns it.
I have been nagging him about getting a job for about 6 months now, when he started talking about ditching college. Nowhere is taking on, Tesco only take from 18… I’ve sent him job links, he never follows through on them, he’s applied to 3 jobs with me standing over his shoulder!
I like the deadline idea, I’m going to use that one 👍🏻

I would say to hi
m that he can become a hermit but he needs exercise twice a day - just to keep a healthy body and the endorphins circling a bit - sout for a walk or run, an hour at the gym etc

The summer job I had as a teen really changed my life. I was fairly shy and academic. It gave me confidence, allowed me to develop a good friendship group (it was the type of summer job a lot of A Level and university sudents did - we had some great summers!), allowed me a
bit of financial independence, imlroved my foreign language skills and I think gave me the edge when applying for my first full time graduate job.

Nope all of mine had part time jobs at 16. Supermarkets or fast food places. Even at college they went straight from college to job and it's given them all a good work ethic. I really think it's the most important thing for 16yr olds teaches them so much and sets them up for life In my opinion.

I saw that thread too. But it's a balance, surely, between structured and unstructured time. That child seemed to be timetabled all the time. Too extreme. But the long holidays need a bit of planning otherwise they can just sink under the teen duvet of gloom and game their lives away.

wow. That really is impressive!

I’m not at this stage of parenting yet (and already dreading it!) but I saw both my brother and cousin go down this route and it ended badly, both times. Depression, social issues, loneliness, anger and both now working minimum wage jobs with little prospect for progression.

My other family members who at this age had part time jobs, would game but also go out, go to the gym, go to the pub etc turned out to have very balanced adult lives too.

Not sure what motivation you can give him, but any encourage to wake up earlier, get out and mix with people is all the better.

I had one who would stay in his room all day if he could too. In the end I presented it in a positive way- about building up his CV, getting skills, meeting new people, more money etc... I said I was expecting him to either get a job or do some voluntary work. I gave him a cut off date and said that after that the wifi password would be changing! Did the trick!

My DS is ND and loves being alone. Until he left school after a-levels I let him be. He rarely went out and just popped downstairs throughout the day to chat a bit. Rest of time was studying / sleeping / gaming / chatting online.

I know him well enough and we talk a lot so I know it was what he needed and he knew that life wouldn't be like this forever.

Once he started Uni he had no issues making the transition to travelling to classes daily, getting up early and meeting up with peers for assignments. Rest of the time he was back in his room.

Now finishing second year he is doing some work experience so he can think ahead to job hunting next year.

He'll be a working adult for a loan time. I don't think spending his youth gaming will ruin his life.

It's not always easy finding a part time job though, especially if you are rural. Fortunately DS got a Saturday job as soon as he turned 16, which will give him extra shifts in the holidays, but the local FB pages now are full of parents asking for vacancies/leads for teen jobs, with nothing forthcoming.

I think preparing for the driving theory test is a good idea as a project. Many library authorities are subscribed to Theory Test Pro -just need a library card to access it for free:

app.theorytestpro.co.uk/libraries/

That would involve money?

Absolutely this.

Op, your son needs to get a part time job in Tesco or wherever. It will build his skills, be good for his confidence and he will make some money which will also be good for his confidence and his cv.

There are loads of young people working at my local supermarket and they mostly work during their time off uni/college.

Games consoles are not the ouija boards they’re hyped as - leave him be until university age - just for the love of God keep him off weed.

Yes, give him some phone numbers, e-mail addresses, websites for finding a job and offer to help him write a CV. Could he also do some volunteering?

Can you give him some responsibilities at home e.g. make dinner and vacuum twice a week, unload dishwasher and put away dishes when he wakes up in the morning?

My dS got a job at 16. He wanted the money for going out, buying clothes, driving lessons, saving for a car, saving for a lads holiday. He now has an apprenticeship and still works at this job around this for the extra money. We don't yet charge him any keep but he is 18 in a couple of months so will review it then.

Ds had a job at 17 in A level holidays. I’d recommend you get him into that

Let him be, imo
Keep the lines of communication open and the offers coming. Ime this is quite normal for teens and at 17 if he’s not sporty, family days out and bike rides don’t appeal. If he’s not motivated by money he won’t want a pt job
Have some boundaries like chores but on the whole he will emerge when he’s ready. I know lots of teenagers who have spent periods of time holed up in their rooms and non are depressed and are all functioning adults now.

At 17, I think he can choose how he wants to spend his own leisure time. You say in your other posts that he does see his friends and that music and gaming are his main interests, so I don’t see why he can’t spend his holidays doing those things.

If someone gave me a couple of months off, I wouldn’t want to spend it doing a minimum wage part-time job or going on bike rides either, so I don’t see why he has to do that just because he’s 17.

Could you kidnap the router?

A reality check is needed here get him to get a part time job

Mines got a part time job but it’s research and number crunching so can be done at home. I’m nagging persuading him to go into the office for regular catchups (and to be able hang around real people…) and work during work hours.

My 17yo is up early every day as he has a dog to walk. He chooses to go out to his sports club on Saturday, starts 9am so he needs to be up early 7am for that.

He has a long lie on a Sunday though. I think that's normal. You need one day to recharge the batteries.

We are not a family to lie around doing nothing. We are busy up and about every day making the best of it.

He plays several musical instruments so if he's not at school or doing his sport, walking the dog or seeing friends, he is playing music. Currently doing his theory practice for learning to drive too.

No, he doesn't have a part time job. But does help in other ways around the house and helps relatives paint their fences in the summer etc.