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AIBU?

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To take our own food to friend's BBQ

33 replies

fao · 01/06/2024 09:13

A close friend of DH is having a BBQ today. We're Muslim so I understand lots of food may be off limits to us. We can't eat pork and generally eat vegetarian and fish when out. It also means we couldn't eat the food if it was cooked alongside (ie. on the same grill) the pork and other meat are cooked on. I understand for a BBQ these dietary requirements can be a real pain for those that don't usually have the requirements. I don't want to be difficult guests and so I am wondering if we should we take a bunch of foods with us that they could put out or would that seem rude? I was thinking of taking some quiche type things from Waitrose? And maybe they could put it out with the rest of the food? We would be more than happy to share/take enough so there'd be enough to serve a group of people.

We absolutely do not expect halal meat to be provided and would not ask for it (we don't want to be annoying guests) and we would always find something we could eat without making a fuss eg. Salads with maybe a burger bun.

That said, I get the impression the BBQ is quite big and lots of people are invited. I can imagine the guests are a wide range of people including vegans and vegetarians (I know another friend of DH is vegan and she is going) so I would imagine the hosts would have thought of that. It's important DH goes because he hasn't been able to catch up with some of his friends for a while - lots of new babies on the scene and we would all like our babies to meet too.

Anyway
YABU: it's weird to take your own food/it's rude
YANBU: it would be fine to take/I wouldn't think anything of it

Edit: I remembered a couple more points I wanted to add. At the time of being invited DH did ask if there's anything we could bring etc but they said no. He didn't however mention any dietary requirements but imagines his friend is aware of it.

OP posts:
TheChosenTwo · 01/06/2024 09:21

100% take your own stuff so at least you’ll be guaranteed to have something you know you can eat plus you can share with the others.
We always end up taking something to a bbq (although the hosts are happy to receive contributions), some marinated meat and a salad or something, a present for the hosts and booze for us to drink, I never turn up anywhere empty handed anyway!

bozzabollix · 01/06/2024 09:21

It’s a bit like me going as a veggie, I’ll always contact the host and offer to bring stuff on the basis of having different needs (although so many people are veggie now it’s not that different).

Just message and say.

Greenlittecat · 01/06/2024 09:19

I have multiple allergies and I always bring my own food to BBQs etc, the risk of cross contamination is too high otherwise!

I would say it'd absolutely fine! It wouldn't bother me at all xx

GoingRoundThatBlockAgain · 01/06/2024 09:18

I’m going to a similar do later. I have various food allergies that mean bbqs and buffets are super risky to me. I don’t want to put any pressure on the hosts to manage my allergies; that’s on me - so I will be taking some bits and when it’s food time getting a plate and quietly adding my stuff to the end of the buffet table once I’ve taken my share. I’ll do this without making any comment or drawing attention and I bet absolutely nobody will notice, or think anything of it if they do.

YANBU, the host has enough to think about and bringing a few things you know you can eat means one less thing for them to do.

DillyDilly · 01/06/2024 09:16

I think it’s perfectly fine to do as you suggest. Your DH could message host in advance and say you’d like to bring your own food and will of course bring extra and hope that’s ok.

Westfacing · 01/06/2024 09:16

If the host is a close friend of your husband and you know that there will also be vegetarians and vegans there, surely appropriate food will be provided?

DreadPirateRobots · 01/06/2024 09:16

I would talk to your hosts. They may already have made provision for you, or they might be delighted to do so once they understand your needs. I certainly would. You can offer to provide for yourself in the conversation if it would ease the burden for them. If I were hosting, I would have no objection to you bringing some stuff but I would also want to make sure I'd done what I reasonably could to cater to you as a host.

Simonjt · 01/06/2024 09:14

I would take my own too, even if different grills unless they’re far apart things can spit from one bbq to another, plus guests could accidentally contaminate food.

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