MIL thinks having c-section isn’t “giving birth”

Youre very kind but please don't feel sad for me!

The labour of my first child was utterly brutal and the EMCS was nothing but sweet relief. There is nothing sad about that! I was so exhausted and traunatised that i slept the whole way through the c section. They woke me to tell me it was a boy and I went straught back to sleep. It was bliss!!!!!! Nor was there anything sad about the lovely children who are now here because they were born by c section.

For my third child, I could choose c section or vbac and I went for c section for the precise reason that I wanted my physical participation to be as minimised as possible, and I'm very happy with the choice I made.

No sadness here at all, but I'll take any kind of childbirth medal thats going, thanks!

Honestly I’d just laugh if she says it again and walk off. She’s just stupid.

You can’t argue with stupid.

So when said child has to fill in their date of birth on a form, they should cross that out and write surgical removal instead?

Giving birth means the baby is coming out of your body. Doesn't matter how.

I would lose it over that and to her face. My baby was stuck absolutely fast (face presentation) and took some tugging to free, she was born with a black eye too.

It was a back to back labour so extremely painful beforehand.
I dread to think what would have happened to us if there hadn't been an intervention after 24 hours.
How dare she play top trumps over giving birth. I'd be very clear about my position on that, stupid ignorant woman. She'd be in absolutely no doubt about how I felt about her stupid ignorant comments. You don't forget stuff like that very easily, and it has such a big effect that lasts for many years.

I don’t think she’s necessarily wrong to see the term as referring to a particular biological process (see also, Shakespeare)- you could argue it either way. We often use terms in broader or narrower ways depending on context.

But to choose that as her hill to die on in the context of the births of her grandchildren is really unkind.

My c-section after 30 hours of laboring non-stop was a much harder child birth than the two vaginal births I've had. But it was a way out to deliver the child safe and for me to stay alive (preeclampsia).

People shuld mind their own business.

That’s an interesting point, as being unconscious, you must have been detached from the whole process. But while you didn’t feel you’d given birth, as you were presented with a ready made baby, you actually still did.

I knew someone who was giving a general anaesthetic with a view to her having a C-section, but her baby was then delivered vaginally. Which adds a new dimension to this thread.

This is a bit sad, you went through major surgery to ensure they were born. You gave them birth! It's semantics, and you have your lovely kids etc, but (imo) you sure as hell did give birth.

The surgeons surgically removed them while I lay there. I never said they weren't born, I just don't feel like I was part of the process other than consenting to it. For one of the sections I had been in labour for a very long time, but by that stage I was totally spent. I don't have any negative feelings about it by the way. It's just the way it is. The babies were born, but I wasn't really a part of the process. After my vaginal birth I definitely had a sense of 'I gave birth'. At the end of the day, I've now got 3 healthy, living children and I don't care about how they got out of my body.

I'm happy with those definitions for my own births, but just because I feel like that, I wouldn't then tell a c section mum that she didn't give birth.

This is depressing and yet another way of judging women. You carried that baby for 9 months - what the hell does it matter how the hell they got into the world? All that matters is that the baby and mother are safe and well.

Why is it always women judging other women over feeding., sleeping, behaviour? Congratulations on giving birth to your baby.

It’s not labouring but it’s definitely giving birth/being born. (I’ve done both and one of my elcs was certainly not straight forward)

exactly this

YANBU**

YANBA

I had an emcs. I've never felt like I gave birth only because I was so ill I had to be completely put under and was handed a baby the next day with zero memory of how she got here. However had I been awake I'd have considered it giving birth. Your baby and you are both here and alive and well. Your mil should shut up with her nonsense.

I’ve had 2 babies by ELCS because in my mind I didn’t want to give birth (vaginally). Obviously I still had a baby! But I don’t think of it as actively giving birth. Is that weird?? I wouldn’t correct anyone else saying otherwise though because any woman that has had a baby should be entitled to use whatever language she likes to describe her delivery! Sounds like your MIL is really weird and/or trying to get in a not so subtle dig at you OP.

I'm the same. I don't feel like I 'gave birth' to my c section children but do resonate with the term when thinking about my vaginally birthed baby.

But if you didn’t give birth to them, who did? Because either way, your DC had a birth.

I just call it 'getting them out!'

I had DS2 by section. There wouldn’t be another time if my MIL had ever said this, because she would never see the baby again until she had apologised. And I am not joking.

It is cruel and disgusting to say that. Any grandparent who says it should face consequences.

Was your child born? If so, you gave birth to that child. At my child's birth, he weighed 6lbs, how much did your child weight at their birth? (Not an actual question, just demonstrating how weird it would be if you weren't able to use that term).

I'm the same. I don't feel like I 'gave birth' to my c section children but do resonate with the term when thinking about my vaginally birthed baby.

Many people might even say that I didn't give birth to her either, as the forceps pulled her out.

Honestly, it's just the nuances of language and if a mother feels she gave birth via c section, good for her, and if not, well she doesn't (and it doesn't make her 'ignorant' or a CF for having that opinion about her own birth experience).

I've never put a great amount of thought into it - but, if pushed and in a debate about the semantics, I'd agree with your MIL.

If your MIL proactively came out with her comment she's a nob as there's really no need to try and make some kind of point of it. However, if it was just as part of general conversation and the meaning of the term itself was being discussed, fair enough. It's not a wild pov at all.

Does your MIL have form for trying to put you down or undermine you? Is it just another thing to try and use against you?

I’m not even sure why anyone would care how a baby gets out as long as it’s out safely. There’s plus and minus for vaginal vs c-section delivery. Neither are a walk in the park. Tbh I had a similar thing with my MIL being sniffy about women who have epidurals ( spoiler alert I had epidurals) Because they weren’t an option ‘in her day’. It was just (another) way to try and assert some superiority over me at that time and I recognised it for that and paid her no heed. Grandchildren can really exacerbate craziness in select MILs who feel loss of control and probably sadness at loss of fertility.