MIL thinks having c-section isn’t “giving birth”

Sorry, but an ignorant and offensive mentality about her own birth? Am I picking this up right? A pp said she felt she hadn't given birth because she had a CS and you said she had an ignorant and offensive mentality? Am I missing something?

I don't feel like I "gave birth" when I had my c section. I laboured then had surgery and my baby was safely delivered, but when I hear the phrase "give birth" I think of a vaginal delivery.

Bloody rude. Some people have a nerve to say things like that. Your dp should be telling her to shut up.

My horrible sister went a step further and told me I wasn’t a real mum because I had to have an emergency C-section.
Some people are just spiteful and like to push buttons, ignore your MIL.

Giving birth by definition is baby being pushed along birthing canal.

A C-section is just that - a c-section. The baby is being born and has a birthday, but you are not giving birth by definition.

I don't see what the issue is. Either way a baby is born. I wouldn't get offended over it.

Your mother in law is a fool. The end.

I didn't think you were being rude 😀

My CS babies were born (birthed even) but I don't see myself as having been involved in the 'giving' part, in the way I do with the baby I had vaginally. That includes the very long labour which ended in cs at 9cm.

I am their biological mother, which is, by and large, what 'birth mother' is a euphemism for.

I had what was described as an "emergency section" without ever have having a labour pain. I wasn't in labour. I wasn't anywhere near being in labour. My baby's heart rate wasn't great, so out he came.

He was my first and even though I was so grateful that he was ok, I did feel a little like I'd "cheated". I wasn't beating myself up over it though, as I said, I was just relieved to have a healthy baby at the end of it. After having the section I had 3 VBACs. One almost became my second section. Again heart rate dropping and baby was tiring. I honestly didn't care how he was born so long as he was.

But I do get "you didn't give birth" train of thought. I thought it myself.

It's semantics mostly. I can see where she's coming from with elective sections but if there is a medical reason for the section it's just a horrible thing to say! If it's an emergency c section you have laboured as far as I'm concerned. I've had vaginal delivery and an emergency c section and both were horrible- if I ever have another child I will have an elective c section to avoid the hell that is maternity care for labouring women in this country and I think it's valid to say I won't be giving birth that time but it's still major surgery it's not like you hop skip jump out of there a couple hours later without time for healing

Very insensitive. Even if it’s all about semantics to her.

I work in obstetrics. I hear the term "normal delivery" every single day.

SVD = spontaneous vaginal delivery

SVD is used formally in medical records. "normal delivery" is used informally by staff.

You had a baby so you gave birth surely? Regardless of how it was born. I think your MIL is an idiot, I’d ignore her.

What's the difference?

I'd rather have a live baby/mother than a 'proper' birth.

She needs to count to 10, maybe more, before coming out with daft/upsetting notions.

Some people do think that.

I had a total stranger tell me I 'hadn't given birth' at a dinner party when DS was a few months old (I wasn't talking about anything birth-related, someone else who was pregnant asked me what hospital I'd given birth in, and I'd just said the name of the hospital), and this woman leaned across the table and said 'I'd just like to point out that you didn't in fact 'give birth' as though she were correcting me about the earth being flat. I was so taken aback I just stared at her blankly and said 'What did you say?' and someone else who was slightly tiddled said 'Give it a rest, X, we know your greatest achievement was shoving a baby out of your vagina'.

I’ve had a vaginal birth and a c-section. I’ve given birth twice.

MIL is ridiculous.

Thought that idea went out with Macduff in 'Macbeth'! And in Shakespeare's time could perhaps be sadly explained by the fact that C-sections then were almost always performed only in a last-ditch attempt to save the baby when the mother had died. Of course a C-section is giving birth!

Obviously the woman has 'given birth' but it's not strictly what people think of when they hear that phrase. We're not all robots who adhere to the exact dictionary definitions.

It may not be what you think, but, if it is what we used to call the natural child of the mother, then we assume she has given birth regardless of how it happened. These days, we even refer to birth mothers to distinguish between them from adoptive or stepmothers etc.

But no, I don't feel inferior and I'm relieved to have been spared some of the nastier long-term issues they've suffered.

@blue345 I get that. I had an almost 10lb baby and I'm petite. I was bloody glad of that c-section in the end (EMCS, after getting to 10cm dilated, after a 5 day induction). The relief.

Tbh my sections were very easy and credit to those that went down the other route, they have my respect for going through that.

But no, I don't feel inferior and I'm relieved to have been spared some of the nastier long-term issues they've suffered.

I've had two c-sections and I don't say I gave birth because to me, I do think of "birthing" as the active act of pushing a baby out.

I've no idea if I'm right or not and have only very rarely felt in anyway judged by anyone who knows me - if the subject comes up, I doubt very much most of the people I know know how I gave birth - and on those occasions it was always by someone who I thought was a little lacking intellectually.

YANBU, I’ve noticed a lot of people seem to think that C-sections are the easy way out and that vaginal births are superior and I think it’s appalling. Birth is birth, you delivered a baby regardless of how they came out and they shouldn’t be compared.

Ask your MIL why the terminology matters. She has a healthy grandchild is all that matters.

Why are you giving this silly woman headspace?