To not want DD’s friend here all the time?

Rubbish, she is taking advantage of her mother.
How many working people have that much money to spend on themselves?

The friend sounds neurodiverse, so might just be missing the issue.

Say really plainly- you're very welcome here but feeding an extra adult is expensive. I would like you to contribute to the food shop or bring your own meals and snacks with you. Let me know what you would prefer,

Next time he appears in the kitchen wanting food joke & say 'WOW you're eating me out of house & home & costing me a fortune' See what his reaction is & go from there. If things don't change then have a word with your Daughter about it & ask her to contribute more towards the food shop or to start buying food just for them for when he's there. You could suggest to her that she asks him to either bring food with him or chip in towards your food shop.

I'd be pretty concerned that your DD is learning that she can live very comfortably on benefits alone and have plenty of disposable income.

Meanwhile in real life this is almost never the case. You don't want her developing a lifestyle and spending habits that are totally unsustainable if/when you aren't around to subsidise her. Is she likely to ever manage a job?

Hi op , yes her friend should be paying his fair share towards the household bills .
You also need to encourage your DD to use her PIP money to improve her life skills. Maybe she could pay her friend to teach her how to go shopping, cook , do her own washing, start to live as independently as she can . To me her PIP payment is to help towards her living independently and you need to help her look into how she can achieve this .

Where does he sleep?

Agree with this. My DS has ASD and ADHD, we aren't doing them any favours by doing everything for them - they really can do an awful lot with support (if you think she's capable of going on holiday then she's not completely reliant, I'm assuming).

Please do try to encourage her to budget, cook, meal plan etc. She and her friend might actually enjoy this and get pleasure out of cooking together. Even if they don't - she/they need to start to learn! What if you aren't about in later years? You might be surprised at how capable she could be if you encouraged her and taught her - and then you can all do meal prep etc together?

Maybe budgeting would be hard but if so you need to give her set figures - e.g. when friend is here he costs us an extra £15 a day, so you or he needs to provide that.

And don't let friend help himself. Plan meals (with them,) but snacks and interim cooking is off limits. He needs to bring his own nibbles!

But the bit where you said ‘Her daughter is taking the piss. I could never see my parent struggle knowing I had money to help’ If she has learning difficulties such that she has no concept of money, maybe this just doesn’t really occur to her. Her mum needs to speak up, doesn’t she? It’s not her fault. She has so much money because she lives at home and needs care, not because she’s taking the piss.

@K83atie83 and many people with disabilities have climbed mount Everest. What are you waiting for?

I aware not everyone is a scrounging loser.

Her daughter needs the correct help and support to help her.

I'm not ignorant thank you.

Her mum is neither helping her or supporting her by not teaching her things or finding support that will help her lead a somewhat normal life.

Just because someone is physically or mentally disabled does not mean that they should be written off completely. That's disgusting and completely unacceptable in modern society.

I'm sorry you struggle to find employment. This is unacceptable and I would urge you to search for disability confident employees and take a look at even break jobs website which is jobs especially for the disabled. X

illnesses and disabilities effect everyone differently, just because you can do something it doesn’t mean everybody else can. You’re obviously quite ignorant as OP has said her daughter doesn’t understand money, therefore OP needs to speak up and tell her and her friend that she needs extra.

I’m physically disabled but reasonably intelligent, but I suffer a lot of pain and need a cleaner etc, so I do get extra money for that.

I have volunteered, I have a degree, but even I find it hard to work as I get tired very easy and I’m very unorganised etc and in spite of the disability equality act, people don’t want to employ me. The reason I’m telling you this is because although this thread isn’t about me, you should learn to stop judging everyone’s situation based on your life and your expections, especially someone you only know by a mumsnet thread. We’re not all scrounging losers 🤣

How do you know I don't?

Many people with the same or similar issues manage to be a functioning member of society. Myself being one of them.

She needs help and support to enable this. Not a parent who will never let her grow up or flourish in the future. Potential talent being wasted.

Her daughter is taking the piss. I could never see my parent struggle knowing I had money to help.

It's nice of you to allow him to stay for as long as he does! It's very cheeky of him to eat all ur food tho!
Does he do his own laundry when he stays with you for 5 days?
Driving both him and ur daughter to the shops, he will make sure she pays for it! When someone comes round that often, they need to contribute otherwise it's taking the mick.

You mentioned he leaves when there's no food left, clearly using ur daughters friendship for food

@K83atie83 she has ASD, mental health issues AND CFS.

Wanna swap?

She has CFS as well and is mentally younger than her age.

So is she not allowed to go shopping (accompanied, I hasten to add) to choose her own clothes now then? Or on holiday (accompanied) at all? Or enjoy her art hobby? Nope, OP, your daughter isn’t allowed any enjoyment out of life whatsoever, she’s not entitled to any of it unless she’s sat rocking in a corner all day every day and literally can do absolutely fuck all for herself because the tax payers don’t like it, but are stupid enough to sit placing blame on the less fortune while voting in over privileged Tory governments who keep pissing tax payer’s money up the wall to make themselves even more rich 😂

@K83atie83

What difference does that make? Seriously… what difference? All sorts of conditions aren’t a physical disability but the person will never be able to live independently, will need care and will never be able to work.

Do you think they shouldn’t have access to their own money? And let’s be clear, it isn’t enough to run their own home. Disabled people who do are living on the homes of their arse in poverty.

She Haa ASD not physically disabled

Yet she manages to buy clothes and art supplies with no problem and plan going on holiday.

Your DD and her friend are taking the piss and you're not helping her to become a functioning adult.

She doesn't sound lovely she sounds like a lazy user

Your daughter should just be contributing more! 1000 a month disposable income is pretty unheard of for anyone surely?!

She is fucking DISABLED for Christ’s sake! Imagine being jealous of someone with care needs who cannot live a full normal life just because you don’t get paid enough at your job 😂😂😂😂. She has that spare money because her mother is not charging her enough for the care she provides her, not her problem. If she ever does manage to get her own place then she certainly will not have a lot of money, will she? You expect someone who is disabled with life long conditions to not be able to live in comfort? Jesus Christ. People can’t think past their own damn noses. I’m sure she would be happy to let you swap places with her if she could.

Do you think that all disabled people who cannot work and must live with someone as they cannot take care of themselves, should
not have money of their own? Because that’s this. She has been deemed unfit to work (and that is hard to get so isn’t made up). Should disabled people who need care not have money of their own?

She should be paying a lot more towards her keep; no idea why OP takes so little. She should pay more. But… disabled people should also be allowed money of their own, and isn’t it wonderful that we live in a society which provides that. Despite the amount actually being shockingly low for most disabled people.

Seriously - Your stay-at-home daughter, who does not work, has 1K a month to spend as she pleases?????? From tax payers????

Why are we giving her 1K a month to do nothing????

Do not think of coming to me for sympathy. You have an available £1000 every month swishing around your house, for your daughter's friend, who gives her so much value.

And she can't bleeding pay his food bill????

Your family is seriously taking the piss out of tax payers.

What the … she has a grand a month to spend as she likes, I’m sorry op but I’m 63 work seven days a week and have half that , by the time I’ve paid my taxes and bills that’s it !!
she needs to pay you loads more money
my daughter works full time with mental huge
mental health issues and can’t afford food etc
som is seriously wrong with this situation
sorry but it’s bonkers

I would have a sit down chat with this free loader and explain in plain terms that you cannot afford to be his restaurant of choice. If he wishes to stay for more than a night then he must contribute to the food costs for the week, or make it clear that he is not free to help himself when visiting.