I'm just ranting mainly and wondering if I am being unreasonable
My boyfriend has been a gamer for as long as I know. We've been together 8 years. He is 39.
For the majority of his life, he gets in from work and he plays computer games. He plays games on the weekend. Most evenings this week he has got in from work and gamed until 11pm
I don't mind his gaming (to a point, I think I am just used to it now) but he does it all the time.
I'm the complete opposite. I like to be busy, go places, work out, do housework and gardening, see friends etc
Sometimes I get really resentful and feel underappreciated. I keep myself fit and try to look attractive. I made new friends to have people to socialise with. I busy myself with other activities and I book us trips all the time (which he enjoys when we go). I basically changed my life so I could have the life I want rather than wait for him.
But he, on the other hand has let himself go, he's put on weight, he does the washing up, makes tea (but then so do I) and does some washing occasionally. He doesn't take the initiative. For example on weekends he will game even though there is housework to be done or we could be out in the sunshine making memories. Instead he would be happy sitting on his comp all day long. I've even said to him, I don't care if you play games for a few hours a day but maybe do this/that first so you've done something productive but he just can't help himself
I've grown resentful of this and we have had multiple rows about it. I've told him it hurts my feelings that I am always the one cleaning or making plans for us. It feels like he isn't interested in doing things that make me happy
I will say he isn't all bad, otherwise I wouldn't have stayed for so long. He's a decent guy, he's loyal, he cares about people, he's intelligent, he's hard working, he's affectionate, he has loads of friends but hardly sees them (he used to be very sociable ) - he just has no drive to do anything other than play on his computer
The reason I'm particularly annoyed about this tonight is because he has told me he's depressed. He has been before and I think gaming is a form of escapism. But when I suggest things he could do to make his life better he just shuts me down. I go through bouts of depression so I get it, but nothing ever changes with him. I suggested anti depressants but he won't take them. I suggest he arrange to see his friends, find a hobby etc but he doesn't want to do it
I wait for the day he says 'lets go on a day trip' or 'lets decorate a room' or 'lets go for a meal together' but it just doesn't happen. I know at this point he'll never change and I am just kidding myself.
I've spoken to friends who's partners seem to be similar and content with the simple things but I'm just fed up with it. I feel like we are two very different people
Surely it's unreasonable he is on his computer this much and doesn't prioritise what's important? I realise we are very different and he will never change, but it would likely do him some good?🤔its so frustrating