Who pays for a baby shower?

It’s a bit like inviting people to your wedding and asking them to pay for their meal.

What you are describing isn't a baby shower though, it's just a meal out with friends before you have your baby that they have to pay for themselves and you say you are not expecting any gifts so really what's the point in hiring somewhere. Just book a restaurant for a normal meal together.

This isn’t a baby shower but a get together whilst you are pregnant.

As long as people know in advance that they are paying, they can decide whether to join you or not. Therefore, YANBU. However, anytime that you are hosting you really should be the one to pay and you definitely can’t expect people to pay for their evening and also pay to provide baby gifts.

Is there really much point in going ahead? It’s not a baby shower and you aren’t going to pay for people to see you, despite really being the host.

As the user name indicates, I’m American. A meal to celebrate the baby is not a baby shower; a baby shower involves each guest bringing a gift for the baby, and should never be hosted by the pregnant mother, her mother, her sister, her grandmother, her sister-in-law, her mother-in-law, or her grandmother-in-law. Aunts, cousins, and/or friends should host, and no one should have to pay to attend or pay for food. They’ve already contributed by bringing a gift for the baby.

If you invite people to a dinner to celebrate the baby, I think you should pay. Asking someone to pay for the privilege of celebrating your baby seems odd to me.

Someone hosted one for me at their insistence. A nice afternoon tea and we all paid for ourselves although I thought if I had organised I would have probably asked everyone to put in extra and pay for the mother to be especially since I was adamant I didn't want a shower and they insured we do something...

This isn’t a baby shower….if you want to host this then expect to shell out money for it

I'd position it as a last chance to get together before baby comes, as a baby shower should really be organised by a friend.

I've only been to one and they covered costs. To be honest, I find them a bit naff in general and would be aggrieved to have to pay. While you might say 'no gifts needed' for me it would be a faux pas to show up empty handed, in the same way I would always bring something for a birthday celebration.

If you don't want to pay, could you suggest a lovely meal out as a group as a "last supper of freedom from kids" vibe catch up? That I wouldn't mind paying my way for. Though if you are hiring a hall and want it to be about the baby it sounds like you want to usual festivities that don't do it for me.

Agree with others, don’t call it a baby shower as by what you describe it’s not (it sounds much nicer!). Just say you’d like to go for a meal as a last get-together before you have the baby, suggest the venue and state the average cost. I’m guessing this shouldn’t be sn issue as you always each pay for yourselves anyway.

Forget about a baby shower. They're tacky and awful so why would you brand a meal out in that way?

Just ask who wants to meet up for a meal before you go on mat leave/ get busy with a newborn. It's the custom in your group that you all pay so that's what will happen.

My friends always hosted and paid for it along with my dh. Both were a surprise too. I wouldn't want one if I had to pay and host. However I do think if you are inviting someone you should pay. Can you not do platters of food instead of individual meals? I had both hosted at friends homes though they did have the space for it.

I'm going to go against the grain here and say guests pay for their own food.

I've been to two baby showers that are as you described. More of a send of and good wishes for the mother to be rather than traditional games and loads of gifts. In each all guests paid for their own food and drink.

Not a single guest in either seemed to bat an eyelid at this. The invite was clear-no gifts but just one last big ladies lunch before drowning in nappies. Perfect! Everyone had a wonderful time

Maybe rename it in the invitations?

You are hosting an event where people are expected to ”shower” you with baby gifts. You pay.

Otherwise just ask friends if they fancy a catch up / night out and don’t call it a baby shower.

It sounds like you've set a precedence of throwing parties and covering all costs. So now people think any part you're arranging (including this one) you'll cover all costs.

Just be clear. Those who want to go will go and happily buy their own meal. Those who don't, won't.

If you’re expecting gifts, which is the actual point of a baby shower (shower with gifts), then you should not also expect guests to pay for their food.

If you just want people to celebrate your pregnancy, don’t call it a baby shower and make sure they know they’re expected to pay for their own lunch.

Bf has offered to cover the deposit (which I won’t agree to)

Why not? Honestly, you sound a bit pissy about the whole thing so why are you even bothering?

Not a baby shower then.

Why are you organising your own baby shower?
Why are you paying for every birthday or celebration you organise? Why do you not share the costs with the other guests (minus the guest of honour, everyone else covers the cost for that person)
Your friend has offered to pay the deposit and you "won't allow it". Why not?

If it's a party thrown for you then you don't contribute. If you are throwing a party for yourself you either cover all costs or you let it be known that you are arranging a meal. All welcome and all will be paying their own meals.

When I had mine the guests paid for their own food/drinks

Baby showers are hosted by others.

The mum to be just turns up.

As you have part organised it then you probably should pay.

I honestly think this is a US tradition that shouldn't have been exported based on so many posts regarding questioning the etiquette.

ETA. Many posters seem to feel it's fine to pay for themselves to attend a baby shower. I am not sure what that is but it isn't remotely like a US baby shower.

My mum and sister organised and paid for mine (extremely kind of them!) including cake and buffet, and guests just turned up with gifts, they just had to pay for any drinks at the bar.

I hosted my sisters at my parents house so again me and Mum covered all costs. I’ve been to a few and never had to pay when not hosting, I’ve just bought a gift - but if you’re planning more of a meal I’d just be upfront about the plans.

I’ve only ever been to one baby shower, and it was clear on the invite that everyone was paying for themselves and what the price was.

The person hosting paid for the decorations and I think the space was free with X number of people attending. Most of us took presents, but some didn’t; which was fine.

Had an afternoon tea for mine (in London) everyone happily paid for themselves. Didn't have one 2nd time round!