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Original poster

To push ds into claiming

560 replies

Lacky301 · 31/05/2024 16:44

Ds has just finished uni and never worked through me and ex dp give him £450 a month between us plus I've always bought him the odd thing and gave a bit extra here and there.
Me and his dad are seperated and his dads just received notification that he will now be charged full council tax as ds has finished uni I'm under strain financially. I've told ds he needs to claim universal credit until he finds a job but he keeps saying I want my results first. Am I wrong in pushing him to claim to take some pressure off me and dp. Fwiw he would get around £370 per month as living at home.

OP posts:
Puzzledandpissedoff · 04/06/2024 11:53

I have no qualms with someone claiming UC if their actual circumstances mean that they can't work, but to have someone not even try and then get encouraged to claim because of their own laziness/incompetence does make me angry

That just about sums it up for me - the different between can't and won't

And no, benefits aren't supposed to be there "just in case" someone can't get a job or whatever; they're intended for those who've genuinely done whatever they can to help themselves and still need assistance

Or at least they were, until folk were enabled to see them as a lifestyle choice

Original poster
Lacky301 · 04/06/2024 11:30

Beautiful3 · 04/06/2024 09:48

Get him to claim online. Don't tell anyone about it because many people don't like it. I actually lost some friends when they found out I claimed benefits, while I wasn't working. People get quite angry about it. Benefits is a great temporary fix, to get us back on our feet in-between jobs. If he is entitled then ask him to claim for UC.

Spot on I'm not saying claim benefit instead of a job or to look for one only as a temporary measure as I'm struggling now. Has I said before he may find a job before he receives a penny so you can all calm down and he isn't going to claim yet anyway only of he struggles to get a job.
Just to mention he applied for around 20 jobs previously without any luck.

OP posts:
Original poster
Lacky301 · 04/06/2024 11:25

Holluschickie · 04/06/2024 09:33

Many of our DC have worked very hard at university, predicted firsts and in punishing courses. Still didn't expect the taxpayer to fund them while they were off finding themselves.
60% of the country is being funded by the 40% or less. This isn't sustainable. Most of those may be working or unable to work. You son is neither.

So we should all be the same it's a transition from uni into work no need to benefit bash help is there just in case. On here we will only hear from posters who say thier dc have never had to claim or never been in a position where they've had to and then we only have thier word for it.

OP posts:
Beautiful3 · 04/06/2024 09:48

Get him to claim online. Don't tell anyone about it because many people don't like it. I actually lost some friends when they found out I claimed benefits, while I wasn't working. People get quite angry about it. Benefits is a great temporary fix, to get us back on our feet in-between jobs. If he is entitled then ask him to claim for UC.

Holluschickie · 04/06/2024 09:33

Many of our DC have worked very hard at university, predicted firsts and in punishing courses. Still didn't expect the taxpayer to fund them while they were off finding themselves.
60% of the country is being funded by the 40% or less. This isn't sustainable. Most of those may be working or unable to work. You son is neither.

Original poster
Lacky301 · 04/06/2024 09:29

Alot of people on here have called my ds lazy and incompetent a young man who has bloody worked hard at university not sat at home not even having entered education to try and do better.
Fwiw ds will be attempting to get some bar work in his uni town before coming back home to get one.

OP posts:
Holluschickie · 04/06/2024 09:17

I haven't called him lazy. I still don't think he should be claiming JSA when he is not actually seeking a job.
People don't get to claim benefits for being poor multitaskers.

Original poster
Lacky301 · 04/06/2024 09:13

XenoBitch isn't discriminating against people claiming benefits that are there to help and has the sense to understand that we are all different in what we can manage at one time.

Alot of you are completely lacking empathy and are downright judgmental and have my ds labelled as lazy, incompetent, etc etc just because I asked if he should claim a benefit between transitioning from uni into work shame on you all social media is pure evil at times.

OP posts:
Original poster
Lacky301 · 04/06/2024 09:01

velveteens · 03/06/2024 22:37

He's not between jobs, he's never had one!!!

What do I do?
Well I've worked since I was 18 and never claimed a penny we are not a dosser family by the way.

OP posts:
SD1978 · 04/06/2024 07:55

Sorry- he needs a job- any job. He wants to stay in uni accommodation, 'working on' his CV, and then start applying for industry specific jobs......he's funded currently by his parents, and you'd rather he applied for the dole than juts went out and got a service industry job until something more industry specific. That is just lazy.

WithACatLikeTread · 04/06/2024 07:13

He will barely get much anyway so no need to froth at the mouth.

velveteens · 04/06/2024 00:30

I don't know why you are getting so defensive here @XenoBitch, like I said, I have my own mental health struggles and am more than willing to contribute to the welfare state for those who need it (even though, when I did, it was my family who supported me)

This 21 year old able bodied spoilt child should not be in receipt of benefits. I don't know anything about your circumstances, but I choose to believe you do deserve them, otherwise you wouldn't be so vocal about it here. Maybe consider how tough it is for
Those with mental health struggles but who aren't "entitled" to any benefits to see those who are be so disrespectful. And maybe don't throw insults at them for dealing with it differently to you!!

XenoBitch · 03/06/2024 23:47

velveteens · 03/06/2024 22:47

I also dropped out of uni, due to a rape and mental health crisis. You know what I didn't do? Claim benefits. I got a bar job and saw a doctor and my parents also gave me the option of having a room in my home town, as the OP could provide. I never, ever, expected to take money from the state so I could "take time out to relax" and I had had a fucking terrible time, btw.

Oh, so you managed so that means everyone else can?
Good for you... and I am not going to let you make me feel like utter shit for not coping, because there is no trauma Olympics, and I am not going to let you compare yourself to me.

Greengrapeofhome · 03/06/2024 23:25

XenoBitch · 03/06/2024 22:28

That was you. We are all different, and some people can't manage so many demands.

I couldn't. I burnt out in spectacular fashion during my stint on my course... and I was not even working.

OP has said she needs the money if her son claims UC as she is struggling herself.

Show quote history

I had no choice but to manage if I wanted to pay for my car and my course.

OP has not mentioned her son is suffering from burn out or from any mental health conditions so most posters have presumed he is healthy and well as she would have said otherwise.

Even if he is worrying about his results like many many students will be right now- he can still get a job! I’m not even saying he needs a full time one but bloody hell, he should have had a job by the time he is 21 and not relied on hundreds of pounds every month from his mum.

velveteens · 03/06/2024 22:51

Even in my darkest darkest days I wouldn't expect my parents to bankroll me, or even worse, expect the state to bankroll me, because I'd had a tough time. (And the OPs son hasn't even had a bad time, he's just been bankrolled for years)
I have no problem with benefits for those who need it. This person doesn't need it, and I'm appalled he thinks it's ok to ask?

velveteens · 03/06/2024 22:47

I also dropped out of uni, due to a rape and mental health crisis. You know what I didn't do? Claim benefits. I got a bar job and saw a doctor and my parents also gave me the option of having a room in my home town, as the OP could provide. I never, ever, expected to take money from the state so I could "take time out to relax" and I had had a fucking terrible time, btw.

XenoBitch · 03/06/2024 22:44

velveteens · 03/06/2024 22:39

He's not looking, and hasn't been. Because his parents have been sending him £450 a month on top of student finance. I have no issue with paying tax to provide benefits for those who need it, this 21 year old for and able student does not need it!!!!

OP has been sending him money, and is now feeling the pinch. Yes, he is 21... an adult. OP owes him nothing in that regard. But she is now not able to do that anymore.
How do you know he is able? From what OP has been posting, it sounds like he is unsure as to whether he has passed his course or not. He must be in knots right now. I have gone to uni and fucked it up... and it I felt awful... a total shame to my family too. Don't underestimate how OP's son might be feeling right now.

velveteens · 03/06/2024 22:40

You can't live off air, but it seems his parents provide it whilst he wafts around, why the fuck should the tax payer???

velveteens · 03/06/2024 22:39

He's not looking, and hasn't been. Because his parents have been sending him £450 a month on top of student finance. I have no issue with paying tax to provide benefits for those who need it, this 21 year old for and able student does not need it!!!!

XenoBitch · 03/06/2024 22:38

velveteens · 03/06/2024 22:37

He's not between jobs, he's never had one!!!

No one had one, until they did.... and some claimed up to then. Nothing wrong with that as you can't live off air.

velveteens · 03/06/2024 22:37

He's not between jobs, he's never had one!!!

XenoBitch · 03/06/2024 22:35

velveteens · 03/06/2024 22:29

I'm appalled that you would advise your son to try and claim benefits rather than get a summer/part time job. Everyone I know would be so embarrassed to look to the state for a hand out rather than stack a shelf or pull a pint.

What do you do to contribute to society by the way???

Benefits are there for people between jobs. OP's son would be doing nothing wrong by claiming whilst he is looking. That is literally what it is there for.

velveteens · 03/06/2024 22:29

I'm appalled that you would advise your son to try and claim benefits rather than get a summer/part time job. Everyone I know would be so embarrassed to look to the state for a hand out rather than stack a shelf or pull a pint.

What do you do to contribute to society by the way???

XenoBitch · 03/06/2024 22:28

Greengrapeofhome · 03/06/2024 22:24

I know. My degree was in primary teaching. 9-4 each day in uni and on placement I would be working each day from 7am until midnight some nights. It was awful. Unfortunately I didn’t have rich parents and so had to work every weekend too to survive. After my degree finished in the June, I had to work. Getting hundreds of pounds from parents wasn’t an option and I never even considered claiming benefits as an option instead of working when I was a healthy and able young adult.

Show quote history

That was you. We are all different, and some people can't manage so many demands.

I couldn't. I burnt out in spectacular fashion during my stint on my course... and I was not even working.

OP has said she needs the money if her son claims UC as she is struggling herself.

Greengrapeofhome · 03/06/2024 22:24

XenoBitch · 01/06/2024 23:04

Not all degrees are the same. OP's son was doing a healthcare degree, which would mean 40 hour weeks on placement on top of exams, lectures, doing assignments etc.
And not all people are the same. Some are better at spinning more plates than others.

Show quote history

I know. My degree was in primary teaching. 9-4 each day in uni and on placement I would be working each day from 7am until midnight some nights. It was awful. Unfortunately I didn’t have rich parents and so had to work every weekend too to survive. After my degree finished in the June, I had to work. Getting hundreds of pounds from parents wasn’t an option and I never even considered claiming benefits as an option instead of working when I was a healthy and able young adult.