To wonder what’s the point when I’m left with this after bills?

In OP's case, there are probably so many factors such as house prices, commuter costs, the concentration of well-paying work in a few, expensive areas, the appalling cost of childcare, lack of support (family, community, political, plus from absent fathers) for single mothers...all adding up to make it very stressful and difficult for OP and others in her position.

While hoping we can do what we can to raise awareness and change these things for the better, all I can suggest for OP right now is to remind herself how well she's doing, find ways to rest and get support if she can, remember it's short term, as childcare costs will go down and things will get easier in time. Any practical changes too, of course, if they're possible, but above all, remember it's only for a few years and then you will have more income left after bills etc..

I disagree.

That's simply the mantra / attempted guilt-trip of those that expect others to provide for them.

Social welfare is a nice thing to have, if the country can afford it, but it certainly isn't the primary purpose of taxation.

Another nasty, ableist comment so rife on mumsnet.

OP has said she earns £70k.
If she's paying 5% into pension and student loan repayment that means:
Pension £3.5k
Income tax £14k
NI £3.3k
Student loan £4. 5k

Net income: £44.7k
Which is £3725 monthly
Add child benefit £110 gives : £3835 monthly
(assume no child maintenance )

Mortgage and nursery £2500
Leaves £1335 to live on

You said you have £570 after bills, so that means you're spending £765 on fixed bills. Can you break that down? It's quite high, and people might be able to suggest ways to reduce it.

Otherwise, it's a matter of holding on. You've done really well to have a house of your own and such a great salary. It will be worth it once you're through the expensive childcare years!

The issue is now - when not enough people are earning and paying in. None of which have anything to do with the op. You can earn a very good salary in this country and feel absolutely fucked. That’s a problem for everyone. Especially those who need the state.

We don't (yet) have enough people in need of care to have a nation of carers. However, if we had a nation of people renumerated and rewarded for doing essential work including the caring roles usually seen as undeserving, unpaid, women's work, we'd probably have a much happier and healthier society!

Some carers definitely do, but for a sizeable chunck the system seems to be a big scam involving getting your kids on DLA and your partners on PIP, so you can then claim carer's allowance on top.

The whole point of a tax system is to redistribute wealth to ensure resources are pooled, spent on things needed for the common good and so that everyone has a sufficient standard of living.

Mmm. They don’t though. Play a hugely vital role and are very important. However, if we had a nation of carers and no-one working for financial gain. We’d be fucked and broke.

Carers put in more than they take out, on the whole.

Yeah that’s right. As a high earning woman I kick the boot in to other high earning women. I always turn up to defend other women from the MN vipers who cannot stand successful woman and are vile to them. Nice name change.

The whole point of a tax system is to pay for defense, law & order and public services such as education and roads.

It's been hijacked by those people that always vote for a bigger chunk of other people's earnings.

@Tunefultwix

She would just have to cut her cloth - as she so unhelpfully told OP.

Oh hello pot, have you met kettle?

That's absurd. Carers save the state/taxpayers/nhs vast sums of money and, anyway, the amount you'd need to earn in order to pay another person's living wage on top would be phenomenal.

Op is struggling. You came on to kick the boot in - nothing constructive at all. Yet probably clear the equivalent take home pay with two adults and happily relying on the state whilst telling others to cut their cloth.

I am glad other posters are calling your behaviour out and similar. This needs to stop on MN.

And you are having a go at those bullying others due to difficult financial circumstances?! What are you currently doing because I mentioned that I study part time?!

I am hardly living the high life!🤔

The whole point of a tax system is helping those who are less fortunate.

Easy to cut your cloth on someone else’s money isn’t it? It think that’s the point. Came in to stick the boot into op. Nothing constructive at all

The funding body for my home country in the UK. Why does it matter?

Funded by whom @Vettrianofan ?

My tuition fees are funded so I don't pay to study part time. Takes six years to study my degree part time, as I cannot do it full time around caring responsibilities.

Well. Quite. It is the shock at commuting costs too, 1k a month is fairly average. Train fares are shocking. Well paid jobs don’t turn up on your doorstep. Why comment of you don’t understand? I seriously don’t understand. There must be some form of gratification they get - kicking a successful woman when she feels down. It’s honestly just awful. Reflects badly on them tbh. Lifting women up should be what’s happening because we still have it pretty shitty in the male dominated workplace.

They're also the same people that seem to be claiming every benefit under the sun for every member of the family.

@ReLOa - it’s always difficult when they are at nursery (more so if you have only one wage). Unless you earn hundreds of thousands the additional cost of childcare is naturally going to be very noticeable. Also really feel for people with young kids currently as everything has risen significantly in cost in past couple of years. Even the best planning of finances ahead of having kids wouldn’t have had you anticipating all those rises at once.

We were easily keeping to a budget of £60 a week for food in 2021 and currently having to take more care on one of £100 a week. It’s definitely challenging for everyone now vs then.

Rubbish though it is now it will be worth sticking it out. In a few years you will no longer have anything like those childcare costs so your disposable income will massively increase. Our wraparound/kids clubs/school trips/holiday childcare averages to about £280/month for each of our kids (they do 4 paid clubs a week in term time, 7-8 weeks in holiday clubs & have a trip away each most years with school or one of their clubs). It might be more where you are but it will be a lot less than £1,600. Also you’ll likely see your salary increase while your mortgage hopefully stays a similar cost, which will help immensely.

For now you could claim Child Benefit for this Tax year and pay back half with your tax return that would give you an extra £50 a month & you’ll have to look at if you can make any savings in all your regular spending to help until the nursery years are done.

Go through all your direct debits and see if anything you could cancel/downgrade options to save money and call and ask internet/mobile provider for a better deal if not on a fixed term or shop around and switch. We’ve recently done our annual review and I got Virgin to switch us to a £20 deal they had for new customers for broadband, moved OH to a new mobile provider, switched packages for Disney+ & cancelled Netflix/Kindle subscriptions. It’s saving us £55/month vs prior year. Most years I find there is something worth tweaking.

Beyond that, rubbish though it is, you just have to accept these are very expensive years and you won’t be able to do as much but keep in mind it’s temporary and that it’s worth keeping going because once those costs are gone you’ll feel the benefit of your salary again.

This. I would hazard a guess that with UC and disability benefits - on top of the husband’s wage - pp isn’t so far off what 75k is as take home. Without childcare, commuting and being alone in managing that burden.

Not that the poster isn’t deserving but a non-working parent of 4 , who is heavily reliant on tax payers like the op, who has someone sharing the load; coming on just to stick the boot in - has a massive cheek.

That is partly why I think there is a higher earners vs others on MN. People like the op will have significant challenges. Like the single mum who was suicidal after hitting the 100k cliff edge. She lost tens of thousands over night. Literally for earning £1 over 99k. People were queuing up to stick the boot in when she was suicidal and was going to have to sell her home.

There are significant points in the tax system where you are worse off for working more. Op should be out of one of those now - thanks to the CHB threshold rise. It is hard to think long term when things are so tight in what should be a good salary.

It is always the same people queuing up to kick the boot in. I don’t get it.