To wonder what’s the point when I’m left with this after bills?

Tax free childcare?

Maybe you’re just a bit fed up with being a single parent and all the responsibility that goes with it? It sounds like you just wish you could have a bit more fun and “you” time. Maybe try and connect with some other single mums and grow a bit of a mutual childcare network so you get some free time? You may not be able to do lots of expensive activities but just a trip to the cinema or a cheap dinner out occasionally might give you a lift? It won’t always be like this.

Do you buy all those things EVERY week?

The OP though is not struggling to pay the bills and is just annoyed about not doing an adventure park day out with a nursery-age child. So suggesting a picnic is totally appropriate.

OP - it’ll get easier. Make sure DC’s other parent is paying maintenance your DC is entitled to.

Where are you shopping?! 🙈maybe you need to slum it at Aldi or Lidl 😂 I don’t think bubble bath is a weekly necessity…

It’s shit OP but once your child is out of nursery you’ll be significantly better off

I don't think she'll get child benefit on £70k?

I get it OP, you have a pretty huge salary and not much left over, relative to your salary. But, once nursery is over, you will be so much better off than most people.

Hang in there, it's not forever.

Being a single parent and paying all of the bills by yourself is incredibly difficult.

People forget how things like the mortgage/rent and nursery fees would literally be half if it was a two parent family.

But there is not much you can do about it.
You just have to get through the nursery stage and then if you’re still struggling consider moving somewhere cheaper but I think you’ll be fine once the nursery fees are gone.

It is unfair and I completely get why you’d feel the way you do but you are doing a great job and you just need to keep pushing through.

@Bibi12 I know, but it sounds like OP is fine with bills. I was addressing her specific concerns in the OP about not being able to do days out and holidays, and feeling like she's failing because of it.

You're getting a hard time on here OP, but as someone who will never earn 70k, I agree with you that £570 to cover food for 2ppl and all luxuries doesn't seem loads.

It may be more than others get but it's not a race to the bottom. On 70k a year, you're not wrong to think you should be able to afford a day trip with your friends and the truth of the matter is even if you had an average earning partner you'd be in a much better position so I do empathise with how hard it is to be a single parent.

But nursery years are not forever so as tight as it is now, that's the reason to keep going. In a couple of years, youll be best part of £1600 a month better off and be able to enjoy lots of days out so try to think long term.

Which is why I and others asked the OP to show what they are spending, as £1700 after nursery and mortgage is far more than most manage on, hence my question is there something else that is above what others pay.

Then there's £110 child benefit a month to add to that.

It's true but for many people nursery fees don't mean less holidays or days out, they mean struggling to pay your bills.

I've been there and it was awful. I've never felt so helpless and discouraged in my life.

Are you using tax-free childcare for nursery fees? That should save a couple of hundred a month.

OP it's super hard when they are in nursery but really pays off once they start school and childcare is cheaper.
Funded hours are being extended for under 3's so that should help too?

I understand it feels disheartening but please don’t quit work. Hurtling to my mid-50s and went back to work when children hit 6 months as we needed the money. I am bloody glad of those pension contributions now.

I mean surely food for one adult and child can be done for £75 a week leaving £270 a month for free spends.

i know it’s not a good attitude. Just feels really hard at the moment

Young children are expensive with nursery. But the benefit is they really aren't fussed about expensive days out or holidays away. A picnic at the playground thrills my two. My 2 year old is happy just walking a park with a ball.

But two people eat more, usually run two cars, pay more council tax, use more water, have more work lunches, need more clothes and shoes, have two phones ...

You have our food budget there which is for 4 of us, including toiletries and cleaning products which is very generous as I don't really budget as such and that's really for 4 adults (2 teenagers but they both swim and eat more then 2 adults). So I actually think you should be able to manage ok, it is hard when they are little, with expensive nursery fees but they also don't cost much cloths wise or need much toys or other stuff. I used to buy a lot of good second hand stuff and they grow through it so fast anyway or destroy it at nursery so no point wasting money on expensive clothes.

But 70k earned by two people is worth more than 70k earned by one person due to hitting the higher tax band and only one share of tax relief.

Pointless compared to what though? What's your alternative?

Because it's short term pain
Leave your job you risk becoming unemployable in the future, miss out on pension contributions, bonuses, pay rises.

Honestly, the whole "I work to out my kids in nursery so I should just quit" is not a good attitude to have.