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Original poster

To take my child to an ivf appointment

115 replies

Itsgivingmehvibes · 31/05/2024 15:01

It took nine years, lots of heartache and treatments to conceive Dd, 5 years ago. We now have an appointment to try with our remaining frozen embryo. I haven’t been to the clinic for almost 6 years. We have to go as a couple for the first appointment at least and have no one to sit Dd for that amount of time (we live abroad, no parents here, the clinic is an almost 3 hour drive etc) so Dd has to come with us.
I vividly remember feeling quite upset the one time I saw another child in the waiting room at the clinic, in all the other times I’d never seen another couples baby/child with them. I remember thinking it was insensitive of them to bring a baby/child there, when the majority of people there were struggling to conceive one child. It seems unfair and quite ridiculous of me to think that now, but I was obviously in a v sad place as many are. I want to be mindful of others, should I organise for Dd not to come somehow? Also, what should we say to Dd (if anything) about the clinic? I mean she was conceived there! We’ve never spoken about this or made a big deal and will just say to her she was conceived via ivf when she’s older.

OP posts:
Original poster
Itsgivingmehvibes · 31/05/2024 16:05

@stepfordblanket Wow. Ok.

OP posts:
stepfordblanket · 31/05/2024 16:00

Itsgivingmehvibes · 31/05/2024 15:52

@MuttonStew Harsh.

I would like to think they would be a tiny bit interested/please for a brief minute, I was there for years and this is their life work after all, as a Dr I would be happy and not not care to meet a child I’d played a part in creating.

I thought parents were well aware by now that no one is particularly interested in their kids. Bringing kids to a place of work is just annoying and very 'look at me and my super special kiddo'.

Some of the staff may not even particularly like children, just have a professional interest in infertility.

Original poster
Itsgivingmehvibes · 31/05/2024 15:59

@TruthorDie Yes, same.

OP posts:
Original poster
Itsgivingmehvibes · 31/05/2024 15:58

@Kinneddar Yes, hence the post. I can see now it wasn’t just me who felt like this.
Dh will wait in the car and we will change over looking after Dd if they need to speak to him/have him sign for the process.

OP posts:
TruthorDie · 31/05/2024 15:58

I think it’s inappropriate and insensitive. I say this as someone who has had a few rounds of IVF and been to a fair few clinics

Kinneddar · 31/05/2024 15:55

Yes, I wondered if that was more me though as I was in a very bad place and am very sensitive

Feelings which other people in the waiting room when you're there with your child, may also be feeling

WithACatLikeTread · 31/05/2024 15:53

JoleneTookHerMan · 31/05/2024 15:47

Yes I can understand that, but I also remember their being thank you cards and photos on the walls of babies born after successful IVF treatments.

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Easier to ignore that than a real life baby.

Original poster
Itsgivingmehvibes · 31/05/2024 15:52

@RitaFires They allow children

OP posts:
Original poster
Itsgivingmehvibes · 31/05/2024 15:52

@MuttonStew Harsh.

I would like to think they would be a tiny bit interested/please for a brief minute, I was there for years and this is their life work after all, as a Dr I would be happy and not not care to meet a child I’d played a part in creating.

OP posts:
Original poster
Itsgivingmehvibes · 31/05/2024 15:49

@IVFveteran I wouldn’t be marching her through at all, I think that’s obvious from my posts and my background. It’s not an easy situation for anyone.

OP posts:
RitaFires · 31/05/2024 15:49

The clinic I attend doesn't allow children. Maybe check if there's a policy listed on their website.

Original poster
Itsgivingmehvibes · 31/05/2024 15:48

@JoleneTookHerMan My friend said the same and that it gave her hope to hear it had worked for others at the clinic she was at, for me it made me feel worse, but I can see how it could be both ways.

OP posts:
JoleneTookHerMan · 31/05/2024 15:47

WithACatLikeTread · 31/05/2024 15:44

I guess many, as did I, might regard the clinic as a safe place away from children?

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Yes I can understand that, but I also remember their being thank you cards and photos on the walls of babies born after successful IVF treatments.

Alalalalalongalalalalalonglonglilong · 31/05/2024 15:45

I didn't take DS, Dh and I took turns and whoever was minding first waited for a phone call and we swapped up the road out of view. It just didn't feel appropriate. Plus DS was loud and boisterous so waiting rooms were tricky anywhere

WithACatLikeTread · 31/05/2024 15:44

JoleneTookHerMan · 31/05/2024 15:41

I remember sitting waiting for my first appointment and seeing a new mum bring her baby in after successfully having the baby through IVF. It gave me hope despite my anxiety of starting the process.

When I then had my own DD, the clinic encouraged me to pop in with her to say hello and meet her which I did.

We tried for 6 years before having her and I know how hard it is when you see babies and children around you but at same time, you can't hide from children in everyday life and yes someone might feel upset seeing your daughter but equally, someone might also feel optimistic seeing her.

Take your daughter with you.

Good luck. X

I guess many, as did I, might regard the clinic as a safe place away from children?

JoleneTookHerMan · 31/05/2024 15:41

I remember sitting waiting for my first appointment and seeing a new mum bring her baby in after successfully having the baby through IVF. It gave me hope despite my anxiety of starting the process.

When I then had my own DD, the clinic encouraged me to pop in with her to say hello and meet her which I did.

We tried for 6 years before having her and I know how hard it is when you see babies and children around you but at same time, you can't hide from children in everyday life and yes someone might feel upset seeing your daughter but equally, someone might also feel optimistic seeing her.

Take your daughter with you.

Good luck. X

IgnoranceNotOk · 31/05/2024 15:37

We had IVF for DS1 and I remember hating that everyone seemed to fall pregnant and have babies exactly when we found out we couldn’t naturally!

However I never felt like that at the clinic - it was reassuring to see the kids and all the photos of it working.

Take her with you and explain that you needed help from the drs to make her. My son knows all about it - I’m in no way seeing it as a taboo thing and whenever y6 do sex Ed at my school I take all the questions and I’m happily to be totally honest about it. I’ve also got a girl in my class this year, who’s told me her mum had IVF to have them so it’s been nice to say I did the same so she knows it’s amazing and she must have been so wanted!

Moveoverdarlin · 31/05/2024 15:30

My IVF clinic did not like children coming in, they actively discourage it. One appointment I had was in heavy snow and the boiler at nursery packed up and it had to shut unexpectedly. I had no alternative but to take my 2 yr old to an appointment. As soon as we got there, they ushered us in to another room so we didn’t have to wait in the waiting room with everyone else.

MuttonStew · 31/05/2024 15:27

Itsgivingmehvibes · 31/05/2024 15:23

I went to the vast majority of the previous appointments alone (before Dd came along) I’d get two separate trains for total 3 hour journey, then walk from the station and the same back. I did all transfers alone, just not retrievals as I was a bit woozy afterwards. I’m fine going alone, I just think this initial first appointment again to restart it all may require Dh to be there and sign things etc, I’m not sure. We can do a swap then in that case and he can wait with Dd in the car.
It would be easier without her there and she’s very lively, so would be harder to concentrate.
Part of me would love the Drs and staff to meet her though, we went for so many years, it feels quite emotional, but I realise that might seem quite selfish

Frankly, the doctors don't care to meet your child. Show them a photo.

The other women will care.

IVFveteran · 31/05/2024 15:27

Itsgivingmehvibes · 31/05/2024 15:23

I went to the vast majority of the previous appointments alone (before Dd came along) I’d get two separate trains for total 3 hour journey, then walk from the station and the same back. I did all transfers alone, just not retrievals as I was a bit woozy afterwards. I’m fine going alone, I just think this initial first appointment again to restart it all may require Dh to be there and sign things etc, I’m not sure. We can do a swap then in that case and he can wait with Dd in the car.
It would be easier without her there and she’s very lively, so would be harder to concentrate.
Part of me would love the Drs and staff to meet her though, we went for so many years, it feels quite emotional, but I realise that might seem quite selfish

You are right, it is selfish. If you want to tell the clinic about your daughter, send them an email with a photo. Don't go marching her through a waiting room filled with people who are struggling to conceive a child.

IVFveteran · 31/05/2024 15:25

Don't take her if you can avoid it. There must be somewhere else she can go whilst you have your appointment.

WithACatLikeTread · 31/05/2024 15:25

Itsgivingmehvibes · 31/05/2024 15:23

I went to the vast majority of the previous appointments alone (before Dd came along) I’d get two separate trains for total 3 hour journey, then walk from the station and the same back. I did all transfers alone, just not retrievals as I was a bit woozy afterwards. I’m fine going alone, I just think this initial first appointment again to restart it all may require Dh to be there and sign things etc, I’m not sure. We can do a swap then in that case and he can wait with Dd in the car.
It would be easier without her there and she’s very lively, so would be harder to concentrate.
Part of me would love the Drs and staff to meet her though, we went for so many years, it feels quite emotional, but I realise that might seem quite selfish

If I remember we weren't required to be together at the clinic but that was just after covid. I don't think they really need both there unless for consents but you could do that separately.

Original poster
Itsgivingmehvibes · 31/05/2024 15:23

I went to the vast majority of the previous appointments alone (before Dd came along) I’d get two separate trains for total 3 hour journey, then walk from the station and the same back. I did all transfers alone, just not retrievals as I was a bit woozy afterwards. I’m fine going alone, I just think this initial first appointment again to restart it all may require Dh to be there and sign things etc, I’m not sure. We can do a swap then in that case and he can wait with Dd in the car.
It would be easier without her there and she’s very lively, so would be harder to concentrate.
Part of me would love the Drs and staff to meet her though, we went for so many years, it feels quite emotional, but I realise that might seem quite selfish

OP posts:
PrincessHoneysuckle · 31/05/2024 15:21

Don't do ut it's not fair on the women there desperate to concieve

amijustbeingsuspicious · 31/05/2024 15:20

Itsgivingmehvibes · 31/05/2024 15:08

@YellowHairband Yes, I wondered if that was more me though as I was in a very bad place and am very sensitive.
I just don’t know practically how we could leave Dd from early morning to late afternoon.
The only other option is I go into the appointment alone and Dd waits in the car with Dh or we do a swap

I would assume most women at an IVF clinic are in a sad and sensitive place