To take my child to an ivf appointment

It's an awkward one. At one of my recent IVF appointments a lady had a toddler. I did feel a tiny bit upset but at the same time she was trying to keep her toddler close to her, distracted them by pointing at things out the window and keeping them quiet .. so not running around everywhere in people's faces. I just thought she's trying her best really and obviously didn't have anyone to look after them.

Having said that there's been days where I've been sat in the waiting room so unbelievably pumped full of hormones that the songs on the clinic radio (classic FM) were making me cry. So even if the other ladies in the waiting room are not that bothered, they may just be having a bad day, feeling hormonal and sensitive and it could sadly be a trigger.

I wish you luck with the transfer whatever you decide to do

When I was part way through an IVF cycle and it got cancelled because my ovaries were not responding to the medication I remember going out to my car and seeing a couple walking in with their baby and it was the straw that broke me.

I have a daughter through IVF who just turned three and have done numerous rounds (and lots of losses) to try for a sibling. To be honest, in your position my main concern would be the fact that your daughter is likely to understand at least some of what is said and some of the context and may think that a baby sibling is a done deal. I know from your own history you won't need me to tell you that isn't always the case.

For appointments I have usually done them alone and DH has stayed with DD in the car if needed. You could go in alone and have DH on the phone on speaker - I've done that before.

My other thought is will you not need a scan at this appointment? Ive only seen kids at my clinic a couple of times but only in the waiting room, they've never been able to go into the scan room because the clinics guidance is the same as most hospitals - the scan / consultation room isn't an appropriate space for children.

If it is just a consultation to chat and no scan will they not do a video call instead? That way no childcare needed.

Apologies if you've already considered these things. I really hope your road to a sibling for your daughter is a smooth one.

They're doing a job, albeit probably a fulfilling one. You don't need to bring your child in to share your success.

I’m sorry but I think it would be an awful thing to do and really insensitive

Personally, I don’t think it would be insensitive. A baby, maybe, but not a 5 yo. Obviously I’m speaking for myself and not for other women.

Having said that, I don’t think an IVF (or any medical appointment) is a suitable place to bring a child

@WithOneLook that's nice that they welcomed your dc. I doubt they'd be disappointed if you just showed a photo or video on you phone instead, though.

That can't have been nice

I think that would be an awful thing to do

Is this news to you? Seriously?

As much as we all love our kids, random doctors and patients probably don't. Definitely not enough to risk upsetting others with infertility.

Well you seem defensive with the posters saying not to take her?

The staff may like to see your DC, but the difference is they choose to be there, it's their job.

The other people attending really would rather not to have to be there.

Your initial feeling is correct - it would be insensitive. Personally I wouldn't want to risk upsetting anyone, but that's just me.

I was in a very similar situation to you - living overseas and couldn’t ask any family to watch DD (an IVF baby also) as nobody knew we were doing another round. DH had to come with me as it involved a lot of the consent forms and we both had to be present to sign them. I had no choice but to take my baby. It’s a sensitive situation, yes. But unfortunately you can’t get away from babies and children and it’s not always realistic to keep them away from certain spaces. Many couples go through fertility treatment and choose not to tell anyone so so can’t ask for help in looking after DC.

You could ban children from the clinics but you may walk into a mother and baby immediately upon leaving the clinic and then what? I say this as someone who went through years of infertility and IVF too so I’ve been the one sitting in the clinic opposite a baby when I didn’t have one myself. Personally it gave me hope that it could work for us too, but everyone’s different. I think you’ll get a lot of conflicting advice here, OP, but unless the clinic has a policy of no children allowed I would say take your DC.

That's not actually true. Ring the clinic and ask what they recommend. The clinic I used has pictures of the children born as a result of their treatment on the wall of the waiting room (or at the least the ones that parents consented too). It gave me hope that when things got hard (and goodness me they got hard) those pictures gave me hope.

When I went back to try for a sibling I needed to take my daughter for a few of my appointments. The staff LOVED meeting my daughter. It was actually commented on that it was really helpful for them as they have to satisfy themselves that any potential parent will cope with a/another child. By meeting my daughter they could see she is well cared for and that she is loved etc. yes they still have to do all the formal checks but it gives them an extra layer of confidence. I do suspect that they try and keep appointments a little bit separate though from first timers.....my appointments tended to be later if my daughter was needing to come and earlier if I was on my own and I saw two other children in the waiting room (one a newborn who had come specifically to meet staff) this time around compared to none as a first timer.

Ring them and ask. Good luck with your treatment!

Can your husband wait outside with the child and you then swap? I was like you, very sensitive to things like that, especially sitting in the clinic. I think it would be the kind thing to do. Remember how you felt, and that these women also don't know if they'll EVER have a baby of their own.

Also, good luck with your frozen cycle, just wanted to let you know that we had a successful frozen cycle after our first daughter, we now have two beautiful ivf babies from the same egg collection 😍

I would definitely avoid taking her.

You said yourself, in the same situation you were upset when someone else did it - just because you now have a child you suddenly care less about upsetting someone else?

I'd hope it would be fairly obvious that it would be inappropriate and insensitive.

And some do - the urology team at the hospital in London wanted a photo of DS1 after our IVF as they wanted to have it up as they felt they had a part in improving DH’s sperm to enable IVF to work and then when he had a follow up months later they asked us to bring him with us and loved seeing him,

So sometimes the professionals who don’t always see their results really are pleased to see the difference their work has made.