DP bought us a house without telling me

You're right not to trust him.
Check the car’s registration document to see if it’s in your name. If it is it’s your car.

This isn't true. Registered owner doesn't equal registered keeper. If he can prove he paid for the car, it's his, regardless of whose name is on the log book.

I'm honestly speechless on your behalf op

Even if he puts your name on this house, you have limited rights as a cohabiting partner in the event of a split, if he's paid for it, AFAIK.

It's infantilizing. Frankly he sounds like a controlling kind of man who wants to treat a grown woman 'like a princess', which I find a creepy thing. Who does he think he is, whisking you away like some kind of Cinderella? And then you lose your secure tenancy? No way should you give up your independence to be 'kept'.

You'd be better off taking in lodgers if you can than giving up your home. You will have no rights, no protection, and never get a house like that again. You can't trust him. He has behaved terribly sneakily ... sponging off of you and secretly buying a house in only his name.

@AlcoholSwab He is a cocklodger - he doesn't pay most of the bills (forgive me if I missed OP saying he does) - he just pays for food and car insurance I believe. Presumably he pays no housing cost / rent, which for most people is our largest outgoing each month. So he's totally benefiting from living on OP's council house - proof being he's saved up enough to buy a house

Do not leave your own home!
He’s very cleverly bought a house in his name only which means he owns it outright. That means if you were to move in with him and eventually split up with him, you’ll get nothing from the house as it’s all in his name.
Neither should you believe he’ll add your name to the deeds once you move in. Because he won’t, and you’ll have given up your own place and will be homeless!
Harden your heart and stay put.
He’s used you abominably. 😞

Very dodgy! I imagine only a millionaire would buy someone a house as a surprise and even then it would have your name on the deeds.
If he wanted to be with you there is no way he would risk buying a home that you may not be willing to move to.
If he planned on it belonging to both of you your name would be on the deeds.
If he wanted you to move in there with him he would have told you before you found the paperwork.
Is the house not ready to move into? Sounds like he is telling you what you want to hear for now.
In my opinion its only realistically 1 of 2 things, either this house has been bought as he is preparing to leave you or it has been bought so that you give up your HA house and are under his control in his house.
You've made it clear you already depend on him financially, depending on him for a roof over your head too is going to leave you in a risky position and he will know that.
Do not leave your home!

What he has done is unforgivable. He also didn’t even tell you, you found out by chance.

Do not give up your house. You can’t trust him and he will let you down. He isn’t going to put you on the deeds as it’s very clear that’s not his intention as you would’ve been involved in the house purchase if it was something he wanted for you together.

so sorry you’ve been let down.

What seems like a thousand years ago my exDP did the same to me. Bought a flat without telling me while I had been paying for everything. He was my exDP very soon after his ‘surprise I now have my own flat’. Do not give up your HA house ever.

No, no, no don't do it!
If someone tried to pull such a fucking prank on me, I'd be gone.
Sorry.

I'm so sorry OP. I think that's an unforgivable betrayal. He knew exactly what he was doing, I'm sure he's been planning it for 10 years as he watched his savings build up. Just disgusting behaviour. You must be so hurt. But I'm really glad you're feeling encouraged by the thread. Aside from financially, you'll be so much better off without him - someone so lacking in respect and consideration for you and probably for anyone other than himself, by the sound of him. You can do it!

I knew a married couple where the husband bought a house without telling his wife and told her they were moving. She left him too. It’s not a respectful way to treat your other half and people who are that secretive are too risky to have as partners as you never know what scheme they are concocting in their minds.

He is funding your current lifestyle of a nice house in a good area.

This was her lifestyle before she met him 10 years ago. He was homeless and after 2 months lived into her nice house in a good area

“I have told him I want to be added on and he said he will do but not until we move in. But now I don’t trust him.”

You're right not to trust him.
Check the car’s registration document to see if it’s in your name. If it is it’s your car.
Go on one of the benefits checking sites and see what you’ll be entitled to claim.
I’m sure you’ll find a way to do your weekend therapy in time. Don’t try to work out too much right now. One step at a time.

I am curious as to how you think the OP is going to force her boyfriend to marry her? It has been ten years she has allowed him to string her along.

The OP clearly states that he pays most of the bills and she can't afford to live at her current address without his help.

I know comprehension isn't very big on here but there is absolutely no way this man counts as a cocklodger if he's paying most of the fucking bills.

He's been very sensible to buy the house in his own name and I seriously doubt he has any intention of putting the OP on the deeds.

She is a single mum who has been given a leg up by this bloke but it looks as if the relationship is coming to an end and a lifestyle adjustment will be required.

Reading your post @Sevensummers he's either bought a huge surprise for you and handled it in the worst way possible or you're gut is right. If it were me I'd go with my gut - you were suspicious of him and buying this house has put the nail in the coffin.

I'm so sorry.

In all honesty I think we just make the money work. Do a benefits check on turn2us to find out if youre entitled to help.

Sending a big hug x

From a legal standpoint, if you aren't married and not on deeds of the property and separate you are entitled to nothing

I agree with PP who said (if you do consider moving in), to say you would only after your name is on the deeds. Also echo the advice to keep your HA house if possible.
I can see how he possibly thinks this is a nice gesture, but it’s an absolutely massive thing to do without telling you. Have you visited the house yet? What would he do if you hated it? Not everyone manages to eventually settle in a place they didn’t like at first.

He is funding your current lifestyle of a nice house in a good area.

@AlcoholSwab How did you reach that conclusion? The OP is paying the rent and the household bills.
He’s also paying for food but with sone adjustments, the OP will manage.

Oh come on. That's just bollocks.

Are you married?

If not, get married and move in. It automatically becomes the marital home.
50/50

( not even pre-nups cover the marital home)

If he doesn't want to get married... don't loose your roof!

He is funding your current lifestyle of a nice house in a good area.

I presume the kids are not his either.

You have two choices.

Move into his new house or move with your two kids to a much cheaper area on your own and rely on the mercy of the welfare system.

In many areas of London even a 2 bed flat is more than 2k! And 3 bed house more like 3K+

When will people realise that 'partner' means nothing? No ring, no nothing.