DP bought us a house without telling me

What's the legally binding position on property bought whilst in a relationship like yours?
They are unmarried. His house is his. His savings are his. Probably the car is his. There is no sharing of assets. She is legally entitled to zero. Nothing. Zilch.

He’s been a cocklodger and it’s taken ten years to notice that’s what has happened here .

He’s played a terrible game here .
He had proven he can’t be trusted . Ecenn of he did put your name on the house I still wouldn’t go no chance .
You have to end this relationship OP. Apply for benefits and take extra work if you have too, but don’t leave your and your kids home and security.

If your 17 year old is planning on going to uni are you aware that for student loan purposes both yours and DP's incomes are taken into account for student loan purposes? It sounds like your DC would get full maintenance loan on your income alone but there would be an expectation of a possibly significant top up if based on yours & DP's. Is DP going to help with that? It's wrong on so many levels but it is the system. Just thought it worth mentioning as it could be another area you are financially disadvantaged in the near future by staying with a DP who seems to have massively taken advantage over a long period of time. Stay in your secure housing and see what you're entitled to claim.

💯⬆THIS!⬆

Even if he did put you on the deeds (doesn't sound likely) you'd still be in a similar position when you decided to leave - and it's likely you will. Your eyes have been opened now so you will start noticing other things. If you decided to leave you'd still need to be the one that moved out and would have lost your secure home. You might get a bit of money back eventually but what about the mean time. You don't just get handed a half share on the day you move out. Could take a significant time and legal fees. I have a Monday to Friday job and do something totally unrelated (bar work) on the weekend which helps me a lot as a single parent. You will get benefited as a single person and at least for youngest dc. There are lots of ways to cut back.

Not sure what invisible ink post you have been reading, or you are just being obstreperous and nasty, but never has the OP ever mentioned that the cock-lodger is paying the majority of any bills. In fact, it is totally the opposite.

Imagine denigrating other's comprehension when you, yourself, lack it at even pre-school level.😆

I wonder if you are a cock lodger or THE cock lodger in this case? There must be a reason you are telling so many lies.

He has betrayed you and that must hurt.

Are you writing these posts that are full of untruths and bullshite for attention or is it a total lack of reading comprehension skills.

OP has been paying 90% of the bills for the 10 years they have been together. The cock-lodger has never, ever paid his fair share, which is why HE could save money for a house.

Please stop the lie-filled, totally untrue posts that are either because you want attention or you are just nasty as hell. There has to be something massively wrong with people who do this crap.

Do not leave your secure housing.

Your situation contains a number of very serious red flags - please don't ignore them.

Now your eldest has moved out, can you not smarten up his old room a bit and let it to a female lodger? That could bring you in £400-£800 a month depending on where you live.

If you want to stay with this man, can he let his house and continue to live with you?

He won't ever put you on the deeds. It's such a faff and you have to be on the mortgage to be on the deeds so he'd have to remortgage and you'd need to meet the affordability criteria etc. It took us ages to sort ours even though we're married.

Do not give up your housing association house for any one all ever

Exactly! House over dick always!

yeah tbh as bad as the situation is with him squirrelling his money away all
these years - I can think of far worse scenarios that occur after moving a man in with young children in the house

Don't leave your HA home.

Unless he's purchased the property without a mortgage, you can't just be added to the deeds and expect security. Fantasy. However if he bought it for cash, he can arrange for paperwork regarding a change to the land registry entry ( the deeds) to be sent to you immediately.

His offer to add you to deeds only once you've moved in makes no sense and presents as a control behaviour. As does buying a home without your input, fobbing off your concerns with a silly excuse and offering you conditional security where you are risking everything, he risks nothing.

Take the docs to a solicitor by yourself and get the actual situation explained.

This. I'd tell him you wanted the enjoyment and excitement of helping to choose your home together. Now he has taken all that away from you and you don't want to move into his house you wanted a joint house you both chose. Ask him why he robbed you of that? I'd not be giving up 3 bedroomed HA house for someone so untrustworthy. I'd be devastated if my DH ever did anything so underhand and sneaky to me. I'd refuse to move.

Yes, I wondered that, @SheepAndSword . She’s always paid the household bills so it would be convenient for him if she continued to do so.

Stay put, OP, your youngest is only 13 and you need to hang onto your stable home.

Absolutely, @DodoTired. I do not doubt you.

But I was replying to @mrsdineen2 who did not believe that a 3-bed house could even cost 2K per month to rent.

I’m not surprised you’re upset. What a shock! How disrespectful. What a betrayal of trust. I agree there’s no need to rush to ask him to leave if you can bear it. It’ll be a big adjustment for both you and the kids, if they’ve lived with him for 10 years. So, consider taking time to process it all, figure out ways to manage financially and get yourself emotionally strong to move forward without him. The least he can do is keep contributing until you’re sorted. Looking at the positives, if you had a good relationship for 10 years and it helped you financially, there’s no harm done in the long run. Only a few more years of the kids being dependent on you and then hopefully it’ll get a little easier and (if they still live with you) they should be able to contribute. You have a stable home in your own name (I assume) at an affordable rent where your kids grew up and you seem to enjoy living. Time for the next chapter for you. Hopefully, you can remain friends, especially if he gets on with the kids. Good luck xx

If you do decide to move, please don’t give up your home until you are on the deeds of the new house. I think if he really intended it to also be yours he would have done this from the start. Also, there’s a very logical reason why you wouldn’t want to give up your home if you had no security in the new house. However, there’s no real logical reason why he can’t add you to the deeds now rather than after moving in. If he was intending for it to be also yours from the start then there’s no advantage to putting off adding you yo the deeds. I don’t believe he will add you to them, even if you move.

I’d be devastated if my partner did this!! I think it’s fine for people who aren’t married to look out for their own financial security and he probably considered that if the relationship fails then the HA tenancy is in OP’s name. What’s really weird is that he did it all behind OP’s back. This isn’t the behaviour of someone who’s excited to build a future with someone. If I did this I’d fully expect to be dumped

It sounds like he wants you to move in to pay towards bills. It's depressing.

Stay where you are OP.

As you are effectively de facto, doesn't that mean that this house is essentially your asset too?

What's the legally binding position on property bought whilst in a relationship like yours?

Also, if you suspect he was buying it soley for him, and you aren't typically vulnerable to paranoia, you're probably right... it's a massive betrayal of trust and even if it was a 'surprise', that's is some pretty immature thinking behind it. I suspect that if it was for both of you, it would have both of you on the deeds.

He sounds like the definition of a cocklodger.

Omg! So he has only your car and food to pay for and earns alot, sounds like he has just used your house to save up wtf?? Cheeky bastard. Have you spoken to your family and friends about this? What do they think of him?

Sorry this has happened to you, OP. It's such an emotional and financial shock and betrayal of trust. From the beginning he said he didn't want to pay rent when he was working away, hence living in a van. And all along he has been avoiding paying rent ever since.

It's one thing buying a house in secret, expecting you to believe it was meant as a surprise and for both of you to live in, but if putting it in his name only, didn't give the game away, refusing to put your name on until after you move in, certainly does. That's an outrage and he must know that.

It is more than obvious that this is not a proper partnership where you take joint decisions and plan your future together in good faith. To move on his terms means you would give up your security and independence to be subject to someone who would hold the house, wealth and power. It would be extremely foolish to even consider it, no matter what excuses or pie in the sky promises he has come up with.

I'm afraid he has fooled you all this time and it's not your fault, no matter that some berate you for taking him in. It's just that you met someone who is that user character and were in a position to be exploited. It happens to many good and decent people who don't exploit others but take them on trust. It will take time to get over the emotional shock and I am sure you will be able to keep your house and work out how to manage the finances. You will get a discount on your council tax and if you take in a lodger who is a full-time student, that will not affect the discount. You can manage this and get some extra work here and there at weekends and maybe the children can help in some way too, with odd jobs as time goes on and they're a bit older.

Well he's only got the deposit because he's been living with you for 10 years. Don't give up your house, he can't be trusted and you will lose your security. In the deeds before you move, that or get married.