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DP bought us a house without telling me

307 replies

Sevensummers · 31/05/2024 14:49

I have been with DP for 10 years. He didn’t have a place at the time but he had a van which he was living out of. I was a single mother of 3 when I met him and lived in a Johnnie Johnson house (housing association). DP moved in with me pretty much instantly. I always wanted to own my own home but being single with 3 kids didn’t leave me much room money wise and never seemed possible.

It was something that we spoke about from time to time but after 10 years together I realised he was never going to commit to buying a house with me and just left it. Long story short, I found out he has bought a house. I was so angry because I thought he bought it for himself as a plan to get away from me and has just been using me for a place to live until he has somewhere of his own. I felt so hurt that we had spoken about buying a house and he has just got one for himself. I confronted him about it and he said it’s for us both to live in and he didn’t want to tell me because he wanted to save me the stress of looking for a house and putting in offers and getting outbid and being disappointed, and all of the stress that comes with the buying process.

I don’t believe him because it’s only his name on all of the documents. This would not be our house it would be his. He wants me to come but then I would just be living in his house. I would have to give up the housing that I have now which is a three bedroom in a nice area and move into his house. I am very very hurt and feel so betrayed that he has done this behind my back. The thing is, I can’t afford to live on my own anymore. My two youngest still live with me so I would Aldo be uprooting them from their home, to his. His income pays for a lot of bills so if I tell him I’m not moving in, I honestly don’t know how I’ll afford to live. But I don’t feel like I can give up all that I have to move in with him when he’s been so sneaky and dishonest. I am really feeling heartbroken

OP posts:
Charley50 · 31/05/2024 15:00

As you said, unless you're on the deeds it's not both of your house.
Don't give up your HA house. You will find a way to afford it without him.
How incredibly sneaky of him to buy a house behind your back!

Sevensummers · 31/05/2024 14:58

Lavender14 · 31/05/2024 14:53

^ as above. Your name and joint deeds.

But truthfully op that's a massive massive financial decision he's made without you. I'd be devastated I didn't get the chance to have a say in the home I was going to live in.

For me this would possibly be a deal breaker... how old are your kids?

Yes, even if he is telling the truth and it is for both of us, I wanted to be a part of the process and he has taken it away from me.

I have told him I want to be added on and he said he will do but not until we move in. But now I don’t trust him. The fact he’s been living with me and doing this behind my back has wounded me.

They are 20, 17 and 13. The 20 year old doesn’t live at home anymore she lives in a house share. But the other two are still at home and my 17 year old will be going to uni and isn’t in a position to move out. So they would have to come.

OP posts:
Chersfrozenface · 31/05/2024 14:58

He expects you to move from a house where you, and your children while they live with you, have security of tenure as long as you want (and you pay the rent) to a house where you can be thrown out and be made homeless on his whim.

Ask him how that is respectful and considerate.

rainydaysaway · 31/05/2024 14:56

You’re 100% doing the right thing - don’t give up your HA house. I would say even if he puts you on the deeds you might still split up and you would have to move out with no home to go to.

Lavender14 · 31/05/2024 14:53

^ as above. Your name and joint deeds.

But truthfully op that's a massive massive financial decision he's made without you. I'd be devastated I didn't get the chance to have a say in the home I was going to live in.

For me this would possibly be a deal breaker... how old are your kids?

isthewashingdryyet · 31/05/2024 14:52

Do not give up your housing association house for any one all ever

and he’d be an x by now, how sneaky and deceitful

MinnieMountain · 31/05/2024 14:51

Ask him to transfer the house to joint names if it’s really for both of you.