Should father pay towards children when both parents on benefits

@SevenAteNineAgain To get back on track, you have clearly done really well to come from very difficult circumstances to a situation where you and the children are doing OK, and have a secure roof over your head and where your children are well looked after and safe. I know you said you were lucky but it isn't just good luck. You are 100% entitled to the DVLA and other benefits - that's exactly what it is for and even my daily mail reading traditional tory family members wouldn't begrudge support for disabled children or their full time carer. Your ex is not entitled to the money in order to blow it at the arcades because he is too lazy to entertain his children. If 300 is nothing to you (unlikely) put it towards a nice holiday for you and your children. Don't give him a penny.

@Outnumbered83 If you don't like it then you can campaign to change the law. Or tackle face on the people who already truly believe the family courts are misandrist and that women can just make up abuse claims and stop men seeing their children or who peddle completely debunked myths around parental alienation. Its not fair to put this on the mothers.

Outnumbered83 you can't be this obtuse surely? This is a totally unhelpful derail. Where this prick should be is completely by the by. She reported him, it was dismissed, end of story. What OP needs is support from us to help her stay firm she has done nothing wrong, which she hasn't.

Just grey rock him OP. He can bitch all he wants, remind yourself you you owe him nothing either morally or legally.

Well yes, maybe shame is the right word. But I don't like the way people (not you!) will jump on women who have already been through something very traumatic and try to make them feel guilty for a situation outside their control. Its tied to this complete misinformation that's pushed about the family courts. Meanwhile: Family courts: Children forced into contact with fathers accused of abuse (bbc.com)

It’s not just 'a shame she can’t tell him to sod off', he fucking raped her. He is a rapist who is allowed access to children. Like I said, he should be in prison.

I’m in a financially similar position, two disabled children and get carers allowance. My ex does pay me, about a quarter of what CM would make him pay from his wage. He also believes that I’m living some high life (forgetting I’m renting at twice the amount of his mortgage) and his token amount is more than enough as he cries poverty (then spends more on expensive man-toys in a week than I do on food in a month). I’d absolutely howl in his face if he expected me to pay him regardless of his situation, and in our case he’d never have the career he does or even his own house if it hadn’t been for everything I sacrificed (may be getting personally bitter here). I pay for everything the children need, at one point I was taking them with huge bags of clothes and such they needed for sleeping at his until I realised it was bloody ridiculous and told him to buy stuff for his own house.

So tell him to get stuffed - DLA is for the children and unless he can produce receipts of things he’s bought specifically for their needs (not wants) for his place, he has no right to their money.

I'd provide him with a full breakdown of what it costs you to provide for your children and tell him when he pays half of that you'll rethink sharing the benefits.

He's a piece of shit.

But yes, don't fund his (unnecessarily expensive) days out with the children. He basically thinks he should be paid to see his own children.

This.

Women don't have the option to "allow" men to see their children or not. I don't know why this idea is perpetuated so much. In the case of this OP its a shame she can't just tell him to sod of. In other cases its a good thing the woman can't block contact for no reason and with 0 legal recourse for the man. But it is neither the case that hoards of women are using the misandrist family courts to stop doting fathers seeing their children out of spite. Or the case that neglectful parents like the OP are allowing rapists to see their children when they could easily stop it. Family law doesn't work like that. For better or worse.

You need to put in a claim. It won't be much but your children are entitled to it.

A rapist and expecting tax payer to pick up tab for kids he fathered.

Yet another pos society drainer. Mental health my arse!

No OP, do not give this shit bag a penny.

Yes I do but that does not mean that I wouldn’t pursue it, as the op has now said she tried to. The op is paying for said father to take the children out, an easy solution is to not pay and the rapist will hopefully lose interest.

He is also on benefits so by that logic the government is paying for the £300 he spent in an arcade.

He should be paying maintenance- even if it’s a low amount he should be forced to pay it. Have you been through the CMS?

Don’t give him anything- not even head space as much as you can manage. He doesn’t deserve ANYTHING from you.

Do you know how few convictions there are for rape??
Child services would laugh if you denied a father visitation because of an allegation 🙄

Don't give him anything and raise a claim through CMS against him

I wouldn't give this extremely abusive man a cent. He has a lot of time on his hands. He could bring some food prepared at home to make activities more affordable.

My ex is on disability benefits for a mental health condition and he pays for or towards lots of activities, holidays, etc. and gives me a small amount in maintenance. It's for one child without disabilities, so he can afford it. However, he's not an abusive rapist and he is caring and considerate and wants to support his child

Your ex can probably afford to contribute more than he does, not a lot as he's on benefits, but more than occasional outings.

You shouldn't be paying him for occasional outings, as the money you receive is for daily living expenses and he doesn't contribute towards those.

where did he take them that he spent £300 in one day, of course he should pay and take them somewhere affordable.

Congratulations on getting you and your children away from a rapist. Solo parenting four children isn't easy never mind two of them having extra needs.

Absent parents should contribute towards their children. Ignore his requests and don't feel guilty.

He sounds fucking awful and I’m sorry he has put you through that.
I would tell him that you will not be funding his time with the children. That may put him off seeing them, which under better circumstances would be terrible, in these circumstances that would be bloody fantastic.

Oh do you get UC? If you can prove that your ex was abusive and forced you to have children you can claim for more than two of them. Could be proof from health visitor or social worker. There's a form to fill in and they fill in one part and you give it to jobcentre and they sort it.