Should father pay towards children when both parents on benefits

He should pay CM, however if there are expensive things you receive to help with their disabilities, like an adapted car, these things should go where the kids go. He shouldn't have to double up on the DLA things without financial support.

It doesn't sound like you can have that kind of logical discussion with such a man though.

Well done on leaving him, please don't feel bad about not working, your life is exactly what benefits are for and you are doing brilliantly.

You’re doing great, just remember that. You owe nothing to anyone but your children.

Besides everything else, if you're on a limited budget with your kids (and UC is not a fortune, so it's hardly like you're living the high life), then you will be much better placed than him to know how the money should be spent to benefit them the most (and I doubt this is on theme park tickets and food out, if money is tight).

Honestly - I feel really horrible about bringing up children with the role model of a non-working mother who has to rely on the government for money. I feel like a sponger.

@SevenAteNineAgain

Being a carer and a parent is relentless. Doing it alone whilst recovering from trauma (something that takes a lifetime!) is the most difficult thing anyone could do at times. I went to uni, I worked, I had so many plans and now I’m a single parent on benefits looking like at a future where at least one child will need lifelong care - I get it. But we’re not spongers, we work damn hard. We’re not sitting around waiting for the next lot of UC to drop so we can have a good time on someone else’s money (hell most people on UC are just getting by whatever their situation!). We are putting the work in 24/7 and that’s recognised by the fact we’re not expected to look for other work whilst caring/doing social care’s job for them. Dont feel like a sponger, non professional carers deserve as much respect as anyone getting a paycheque. It’s about damn time we were given a taxable income but that’s a whole other thread…..

He should pay you child maintenance OP.
Put yourself and children first and don't allow him to get into your head.
He will probably only be required to pay little amount but its always something.

Firstly OP, well done on getting away from this man.
Secondly have you had counseling for this abusive relationship, you deserve support to heal.
Finally, the question of paying this guy to see his own kids, no I wouldn't pay, being honest if he was crossing the road in front of me I would be reluctant to use my brakes.

re scoungers that don't work: Value of unpaid care matches NHS budget, research finds - BBC News (carers allowance is not pay)

Whether or not he should receive money from you for spending a day with his children is irrelevant to the sort of person he is. However, the sort of person he is probably has a direct relation to his even asking. To be clearer it also wouldn't be right for a decent, good man to ask for money from you for an extravagant day out with his own children. But a decent good man wouldn't think to even ask.
Besides - if he was a better person he would probably be able to entertain his children at his house no problem and it wouldn't even be an issue.

No- even if he had been a lovely husband and you had been a cheating so and so- he should still be paying for his children, and not expecting you to fund his time with them.

When you have a child you are responsible for it- it doesn’t matter what the other parent is like- that child is both parents responsibility to support.

You are not a sponger- you are doing your best in a difficult situation. Your children need you there to care for them- that is why we have a welfare state (one that you have paid in to for years when you were working).

If he wants to be Disney dad, he needs to earn some Disney money.

Don't feel like a sponger you've had it hard. Wasn't a choice

No even if it was a normal relationship that ended normally etc you don't pay him to have his kids.
He should also be paying you the measly 7 per week out his benefits.

OP, you have enough on your plate and he is a piece of shit. Tell him to FOTTFSOFOAWYGTFOSM.

And then suggest that when he has the kids, he prepares a picnic and researches fun free activities. He won't, but hopefully the suggestion that he should pull his finger out will annoy him.

And put that CM claim in. It might not be much, but at least you can buy your DC a round of ice-creams every month and say "Look, your useless piece of shit dad paid for these. Isn't that nice of him?"

He sounds quite stupid. Tell him you phoned the DWP to ask if that is the case and they said no. In fact they said he should be giving you money for maintenance. That should shut him up 😉

Without the mothers (not the op) reporting the abuse to the police, how is it going to change? This isn’t about women making up abuse claims, this is about a man who raped his partner and this subsequently lead to the birth of children.

I’m sorry, where exactly did I put the blame on the op for her rape? Quite the fucking opposite actually. I’ve since commented once she updated that it had been to court but hey, that doesn’t fit your narrative does it.

You mean like the advice I gave her to stop funding him while he sees the children?

Would you like to expand further or actually add anything useful? What state of the country is particularly the OP’s fault or problem right here?

The op isn’t in control of any of that-

She didn’t allow him to rape her- he made that decision.

she isn’t allowing him to see them- the court made that decision.

She hasn’t decided he won’t be in prison- the justice system made that decision.

Don’t lay the blame for that bullshit at the feet of the women who are victims of it.

Ffs. State of this country.

You shouldn’t have to co-parent like this with a man that raped you. I would go to court and have contact set up in a way that you do not directly have to deal with him. And no you should not be giving him money to take your children out, unbelievable that he’d even suggest that, he should be paying child maintenance, it isn’t much because he’s on benefits