Should I pay for it from my allowance?

Due to the fact he didn’t want to move and you sacrificed living by his family and far away from yours, I’d say joint money for petrol, try to stay somewhere free/cheap when available (depending how stretched for money you are of course). Any meals out (cafes/restaurants) from your money.

My in laws live an hour away, my parents are 4. No way would I pay from my allowance. As it stands we go once a year as a family and stay in a caravan, I go a couple more times and stay with them, but would never occur to me to pay for petrol/train from my money. It's not a 'fun' trip.

I would say probably yes out of your allowance as it’s a trip you’re choosing to take so therefore your expense. As someone else has suggested if you make this “joint money” that means joint decision making, jointly deciding budget for hotel, petrol, food etc. And surely the point of having your personal allowance is to spend on things/trips you want/choose to do, which this is.

I would see this as Family Support Money. I wouldn't divide out how we support parents and In-laws.

I would say petrol + accommodation from joint account, and you cover food.

It's a stressful time and you are supposed to be a unit.

Looking back, my ex was awful when my father was dying; I paid for the train fare each weekend to visit and asked him to do the food shopping but he frequently didn't bother! Then there would be an argument Sunday night when I got back and there was nothing for me to eat

Then petrol and accommodation money should come from joint funds. Though I think if you choose to eat out / do stuff with friends when away then that should come out of your own money because that’s more of an “enjoying yourself” cost (and you could presumably eat meals at your parents’ house since they’re the purpose of the visit.)

Joint money means joint decisions. So would you be ok if he said ok to take out of joint but I think you should only go once every 2 or 3 months and only when you can stay at your friend rather than hotel?

Also, the issue or where you decided to live depends a bit on where you met, and whether he could easily earn as well if you'd move there.

I tend to go with it being your own money and you go how often you want and stay where it suits.

I'd say own money but if you're struggling with having to go more often due to illness then you could agree to pay for some out of joint money.

I find this a strange set up to be honest. Me and DH have a joint account which we both transfer our share of the mortgage, a months worth of weekly food shop money, bills etc into. The rest of our salaries stay in our own personal accounts to spend as we see fit. I wouldn’t like the idea of an allowance and then being left short due to having to pay for travel to see parents. Especially if there is ample money left from my salary but it’s not part of my allowance.

We have a similar set up financially, the travel and accommodation costs would come out of the joint account, but if I decided to go out for dinner whilst I was there, that would come out of my own money.

For reference, FIL was very ill for around 12 weeks and subsequently died earlier this year, there was a lot of petrol/parking etc associated with that for DH and it all came out of the joint account.

Petrol money isn't fun money. Joint account imo.. My mate had a tight wad dh to say the least. Abusive imo. Her dm found out she had terminal cancer one weekend. My mate had no money or petrol.. Her dh actually said it's a shame she didn't get her allowance until the Monday or she could have gone to see her. About 30 miles away.
The allowance she got from his self employed business..
Utter cunt.
Divorced eventually but she still dances to his tune..

OP,

You are using the term 'pocket money' which is a child's term.

Might help if you reframed the language. Something like 'discretionary spend' money is a bit wordy but is more realistic.

That way, it can be flexed and you can up it based on circumstances- which I think you should based on this current need.

Joint money.
It is a reasonable and expected level of visiting close family. You both need to be able to do that. Given your joint choices regarding the location of your home, it costs more visiting your family than his, but it isn't spending "for fun".

Definitely should come out of the pot, not your fun money. You are bearing an expense that DH doesn't have that benefits him, ie living near his parents and a long way from yours

He's tight.
Family money is for family functionality.
These are your shared children's grandparents.
Surely you would just say, 'I need another hundred this weekend for fuel and accommodation." Assuming the family finances can cope.
I do hope the kids' clothes, activities and birthdays are funded by both of you, and nit just from.your 'allowance'?

Do you pay similar amounts into the joint account or do you pay in proportionate to your salary?

But does taking it out of the joint money before the leftover gets split between you for spends still leave him with enough to cover the things he’s planned for like hobbies and socialising?

Joint.