Should I pay for it from my allowance?

This would be considered an ‘expense’ in our house so wouldn’t come out of anyone’s spending money.

Have you stayed living in a more expensive area due to not moving because he wanted to stay near his family?

If so you could argue that he should pay the extra mortgage costs from his pocket money

What’s your pocket money for? In our house or crafting supplies for our hobbies and that’s it. Everything else in joint.

is the problem your definition of what’s paid for by pocket money is just too broad?

Joint money. He doesn't have any costs associated with visiting his family as they're local. You do and you shouldn't be financially punished for that, especially if he didn't want to move near your family.

Joint money for trips to see family. We have a similar set up and I'd use my savings pot for special treat or present, but basically just save it.

Joint money as 'compensation' for living away from your family and near his.

I'm in your DHs position, except we just have a family pot of money, but no fixed allowance. And I never begrudge my DH the money to visit hos family, or suggest he should get less "fun money" because he spends money to visit his elderly and ill parents.

My DH would probably go halves on something like that, so half from my personal money and half from joint money.

I think going every six weeks is a lot if it’s a significant amount you are spending each time. It’s also a choice you have control over doing, although I understand your reasons behind it.

Why don’t you just have one pot of money?

Joint. Its family.

When I didn't drive exh did me nightly hospital runs for see my dgm. When she died after 6 weeks dh told me I had to ask her dd for fuel money for him. I didn't work as had 4 dc under 7 and no free childcare.. Unlike his dsis who had ils at their beck and call. He had no idea about fairness in any sense..
Now an ex for many years...

I'd take it from the joint finances, it's not a holiday, you're going to see family who are ill, your DH doesn't have these costs as his family is close and as you made the sacrifice of moving away from your family he should help with the costs for you to maintain contact and a decent DH wouldn't dispute this imo.

Each have your own personal current account. Pay an agreed amount proportional to your Salary into a joint account for household bills and expenses. In the OP’s case, it should come out of the joint account imo.

I just can't believe what I'm reading.
This isn't a jaunt the OP necessarily wants to do. It's supporting a family member in a time of crisis.
Also....
Mean with money, mean with love.

Why not a compromise of both? So you agree to pay out of joint money for a certain amount of visits a year, say every other month, and if you want to bug I more you pay for it from your money? Or joint money pays petrol and you pay hotel.

Your allowance
If you are struggling suggest to DH that you both pay a bit less into the joint for the time being as you have additional costs

I see an argument that the cost should be joint because the additional costs you have are due to him having his way over where you live. I don’t think this is something there is one right answer for. You need to discuss it with your DP.

I think this is unfair. Travelling to visit your family is an expense you have which he doesn't because you agreed to live near his family.

My husband earns less than me. We share all money.

I think this expenditure should be taken from joint money and less put into savings during this difficult period.

One accident or illness and you may be the higher earner.

The thing with these set ups… it’s always great and everyone agrees… till one person wants more money for whatever their reason is. Then you need to sell it to the other person who’s been quite happy with the status as has been and was agreed and worked for years.

It’s never the person with more spending money recommending hey let’s up the budgets or even people with equal money, it’s always when one suddenly wants/needs more. So it’s not a neutral discussion because it comes from a place of “I want/need more because…” which leads to like this well we live closer to your family, which again was agreed after meeting in London, it’s not like you met up north and was dragged away.

Joint I guess. Although I’m very lucky, I can hear my husband saying to me “ now are you sure you’re alright for money ?”

I would say petrol and accommodation from out of the joint pot
Fun going out/meals from your own

Your DH gets a massive benefit from being near his family all the time. You have made a huge compromise living where he wants so he should not begrudge you using some joint money to go and visit yours!

Will say that this is coming from a POV that everything we have just goes into one pot and we use it as needed and wanted. Big purchases like holidays, cars, furniture etc. are discussed but smaller stuff we just do. The situation you are talking about wouldn't even go on the radar as a money issue - it would come out of joint cash without any qualms

I have a similar financial setup, and had a similar situation, though sadly it was pretty short term.

I did a bit of a mix. Basically, I paid for what I could without leaving myself too short, and paid the rest from the joint account. So petrol was always joint account, and I always paid for most food. Hotels depended on how much spare I had that month.

I understand not wanting your DH to think you are taking the piss, but you should never miss a chance to see a terminally ill relative because your personal spends are low, when you actually have more than enough in the joint account.

I'd absolutely not be subsidising my DP to go and visit his family and stay in hotels, even if they were unwell/dying. In the same way if he wanted to lend of gift then money I wouldn't allow it to come from my money or family/pooled money. Same if I wanted to lend of gift cash to my family, wouldn't expect him to contribute in any way.

You made a joint decision to live that far away, I assume your job and the kids schools etc is also in the same town so it's he's not the only reason you live there now. If he was the only reason you could just move back for a few months.