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AIBU?

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Original poster

Is my DD or my DH in the wrong?

64 replies

AnAdultCat · 31/05/2024 12:46

Dh is a tech geek. Our house is 'operated' by our phones. Sensors / locations etc. It's a pain but I'm used to it.
However, he's recently put cameras up on our driveway and is now commenting about my daughters coming and goings. She's 19, works full time and drives. We've been away for a few days and he asked me last night who the boy was she took home. I'm assuming it's the 'friend' she's been seeing for a while (no label apparently) and is fuming about her taking someone home.
Am I in the wrong or is he? He's not her bio dad. She's an adult, I believe quite a sensible one and I feel he's invading her privacy. If the cameras weren't there we wouldn't know what she was up to.
Just wondering what other people's views are...

OP posts:
Outnumbered83 · 31/05/2024 12:55

I wouldn’t be happy with him actively monitoring the camera feed.
Its one thing having cameras for security, its a completely different story if he’s watching it to see what your DD is up to. Where does he draw the line?
She has given no reason (from what you’ve said) for him to be acting so OTT.

Original poster
AnAdultCat · 31/05/2024 12:54

Thank you all! Sometimes he makes me feel like I'm too relaxed about things with her. Chances are she'll tell me when I'm back, we're quite open about most things.
He's been in her life since she was 6 and mostly are ok with each other.

OP posts:
TwoLeftSocksWithHoles · 31/05/2024 12:53

I think the use of an external security camera is fine, especially these days of increasing crime, but not to use it in the manner that your Dh does.

usernamedifferent · 31/05/2024 12:52

Why is he furious ? What’s the issue - has he said?

I would find it a bit weird. Surely the cameras are there IF someone broke in, otherwise why even watch the recording ?

GHSP · 31/05/2024 12:52

Creepy weirdo vibes. Maybe your DH hasn’t thought it through from anyone else’s perspective.

EVHead · 31/05/2024 12:51

He’s being an arse. She’s an adult and is entitled to make her own choices.

TheDrunkenClam · 31/05/2024 12:51

Creepy AF!
Why was he looking at the footage (assuming that your house didn’t look like it had been ransacked on your return!)
Its spying pure and simple and that is not ok.

DaisyChain505 · 31/05/2024 12:50

She’s an adult. He’s over bearing.

RickyGervaislovesdogs · 31/05/2024 12:50

Depends on what time it was, how far away and what area the friend lives in, presuming no alcohol is involved. Is your DH worried? What’s the concern?

She is your DD, so as long as you think she is sensible and safe I can’t see the issue. She is an adult at the end of the day.

Cameras are useful for security but what’s he doing exactly? Watching them and then confronting her? (Because that’s a bit weird!).

Wizardcalledoz · 31/05/2024 12:50

How long has he been in her life? Does he play a father type role? Or is he just your dh?

Next he'll be commenting on your comings and goings...

Isitteatime · 31/05/2024 12:49

I think he’s in the wrong, it’s a huge invasion of privacy. I’d be mortified if my parents found out who I had in the house at 19, while they were away! They were non the wiser as the house was always spot less when they got home and I was happy having had some space to have friends / boyfriend around etc.

BakeOffRewatch · 31/05/2024 12:49

That’s awful. Your poor daughter.

TheChosenTwo · 31/05/2024 12:49

I do really hate all these cameras everywhere as they seem to be used more to invade privacy than to successfully catch any burglars.
Your dh is being totally out of order, your dd is an adult and her stepdad is spying on her.
Creepy weirdo.

Octavia64 · 31/05/2024 12:48

Yeah I wouldn't be happy about what he's doing.

Not really ok.