Is my DD or my DH in the wrong?

How's the child of the family meant to own the house? It's her home, regardless

Nope in my eyes that’s creepy . I get the cameras because of crime , but trawelling through to see what is doing , that crosses boundaries .Imagine it another way round , what it was a male neighbour doing it , you would be livid and call it stalking , just because he is her stepdad does not make it right .

Cameras are a great idea - deters thieves, helps with security, makes it easier to monitor things around your home.

I don't think it's creepy at all that he's seen on the footage she brought a man home. It she's 19 and living at home - your and your DHs home, then it's totally normal for there to be a query about her bringing some man around to the house when you're both gone.

I wouldn't be happy about someone I don't know being brought into my house when I'm away!

Cameras are to deter thieves, help identify criminals, track missing people and for safety of knowing who is knocking on the door.
Why would your husband even peruse the camera regularly?
Tracking your daughter is invading her privacy.
If I were her I would move out.

Ask your daughter to let you know in advance if she is bringing a new friend home or going to the home of a new friend (for safety) but snooping on her with the cameras is not nice.

Yes he's in the wrong and an invasion of privacy. Has he put cameras up anywhere else perchance?

Depend on why he's watching.

But mostly I don't see problem.

As you said she's an adult. So she's staying your home either for free or as a paying lodger (in the legal sense).

He wants cameras on his/ your property for security.

I guess if someone wants privacy in their own home they need to get their own home and control what cameras are and are not available.

I know plenty of people with ring doorbells who have shown me hilarious videos of their teens/young adults coming home drunk. These are kids I've known for years. It's never been anything other than a funny anecdote.

Does your daughter know she's being filmed?

On the other hand, I am assuming you and he own the house and she doesn't, I think he is relatively reasonable to want to know who is staying in his own home whether he's there or not.
I agree, I would want to know who is staying over in my house. I would pay my DD, still living at home, the respect of updating her when one of my friends is staying over. It gives her the opportunity to put anything private away and just keeps us all 'in the loop'.

Cameras are fine but there's no need for him to be looking back over them unless there's been an issue. Why is he watching it so much?

As for the friend she had round - well I suppose different households have different rules about people staying over etc. I personally wouldn't mind but I don't think it's wildly unreasonable to ask who was in your house while you were away. The way in which he found out (watching the camera footage back etc) someone was there is a bigger problem for me

Really inappropriate

He's behaving in a really weird and creepy way.

Sorry I think this is awful. She’s 19 and has the right to a private life.

You need to trust her to make good decisions. Presumably you accept it’s her home too? If you don’t trust her and she makes poor decisions, you have a much bigger problem than bringing a boy home.

This would have soured my relationship with my DC had it happened.

How creepy, him spying on your daughter like that. He's way out of line! He isn't respecting her privacy, why was he even monitoring the cameras? Why was he hoping to see, to go to that effort?

It's uncomfortable, completely not ok.

Tell DH that this is none of his business and that he should back off as he is in danger of crossing the line into creepy fucker territory, if he hasn't already.

He's creepy and controlling.

I hate all these cameras. I have friends with cameras in their living rooms, and they seem to be on all the time. So I don't go to their houses now. I find it grim to be being watched and possibly listened to, or for the video to be played back in my absence.

Of course everyone with these cameras will come on here and say "but we don't do that!" They might know that but I don't.
And there was a post on here a while ago where a husband was watching from work while his wife and a friend were chatting in her house.

It’s up to you and DH what your rules are re. who stays at your house. If you don’t want men you don’t know staying there you need to discuss this with your DD.

But - if he’s monitoring the cameras like this I’d push back hard. We have a ring doorbell and DH made the mistake of asking me why I’d gone out at a certain time one day. I said that if he thought he could use the ring door bell to monitor my movements I’d rip it off the door frame.

Nosey and controlling I'd say

Seems the cameras are more for being nosey than security. It's none of his business she's an adult and give a lift to whoever she wishes and I doubt he'd care if it was a female friend.
He'd have to trust her judgement if she was living elsewhere and frankly when I was 19 many of my peers had left home either to uni or got own places and some even had kids.

If he's been in her life since she was six it may just be it's a novelty and he'll get over it quickly and revert back too how he was . It sounds like you are all used to each other . If not tell him to get a grip .

@ButWhatAboutTheBees It’s not her house, she’s doesn’t own it. I wouldn’t put up with anyone, let alone my child (and I don’t care how old they are) travelling alone at night, in remote areas, intoxicated- they can move out if they want to do those things. I realise that’s a personal thing. The OP didn’t say what time her DD is leaving the home / or where the friend lives and OP might not care given she’s an adult.
I’m just posting an opinion on open forum here, that’s all.

We have cameras to the front and back of the property, we back on to a wood and it’s pitch black!

I can understand the cameras. Crime is rife and I wish I had cameras.

On the one hand, he has no need to review her comings and goings as she is an adult and presumably trustworthy.

On the other hand, I am assuming you and he own the house and she doesn't, I think he is relatively reasonable to want to know who is staying in his own home whether he's there or not.

So I'm on the fence really. I think both have done "a bit" wrong.

That is a total invasion of your DD's privacy. I get why people have outside security cameras but why view them unless there is a problem.

Hmmm I’m a tad on the fence- yes it does feel like an invasion of privacy but equally presumably it’s his or at least joint his house? Hopefully your daughter is trustworthy and wouldn’t knowingly bring back ‘undesirable’ characters but if you were to come home and find valuables taken? Identity theft? Scoping out a burglary? To your dh a total stranger to him is in his house without his say so

Why does it matter what time or if they were drinking?

She's an adult.