Why don't women with kids force the dads to have them 50% of time?

Do you think it would be in the children's best interest to be in the care of someone who has to be forced by the threat of criminal charges before they take responsibility for them? Don't think mothers who love their children would like them to be in that vulnerable position for the sake of a night out or something?

And the consequences of that would be.....?

Zero for him.
Traumatic for the kids.

No one has to look after their kids if they REALLY don't want to. You can surrender them to social services I guess. But in reality the Dad doesn't have to do that because he knows full well the mum will look after them. And most mothers will walk on hot coals for their children, thus look after them wholly themselves.

That's a very accurate observation.

In the US parents who don't pay child support can be jailed. Maybe the UK needs stricter laws. However, I would never leave my child with anyone who didn't want to care for them, so YABU.

The jails are already overflowing. 😂

Mine doesn’t want them 50:50 as he is
too busy with the baby he had with the woman he left me for

But what would "just get on with it" look like in this scenario? Probably letting them watch tv or go on a screen all weekend, feeding them junk food, not doing their teeth, not following a proper bedtime routine, not changing their sheets regularly or keeping up with their washing, not doing their reading or homework with them.

I have a relative with a six year old. When she goes to stay at her Dad's, the Dad doesn't make her wear her glasses, which she's meant to wear to help correct her eyesight.

Where do you draw the line between shit, lazy "parenting" and neglect?

You can tell it’s half term can’t you….

She did tell us she doesn't have kids.

It's in the very first line of the opening post?

Without experience of having children or being in that situation, it's hard for many to comprehend it.

Oh come on now, it really really isn't.

Tell me you don't have kids without telling me you don't have kids

Let's say you could force them. You can't but let's say you could.

A parent who is being forced to oarebt and doesn't actively want to, doesn't make a good parent. This is turn, means those children turn into adults with issue of their own.

Forcing someone into parenting doesn't work out for many people.

As someone whose kids chose to not see their dad anymore I am happier knowing they are happy here with me, not just getting the bare minimum like they did from their dad. Even if it meant I didn't get a break for years

This is so funny.

we don’t even have an effective CMS service that makes all men pay what they’re meant to, despite their considerable powers, but somehow we’re going to force men to turn up and take care of children 50% of the time…

Me and my DP have decided that if we split our DC will be 50/50.

In all honesty though, a MAJOR relevation about having kids was that you don't want them to leave your side. I used to think most parents didn't have relaxed, child-free holidays because they didn't have any family members to take their kids for them... Nope. The reason is that you miss them too much.

I even miss my daughter when I work – I race back home to hug and kiss her. I went on a hen do recently and I was SO annoyed I had to go and miss a whole weekend having fun with my daughter.

I know not all parents feel like this – but I know me and DH would both be fighting for who got her most if we split, and would have sad/empty houses the day we didn't have her.

Actually now I've had kids I feel really sorry for older parents with empty nest syndrome. It must be horrible – have a lot more sympathy for them than when I was childfree.

I’m not prepared to try and push for a 50/50 arrangement that my children’s father will mess about with/let the kids down on all for the sake of 50/50 apparently being “best” for the children.

My ex sometimes says he wants more time with the kids (currently EOW and a weekly dinner - sometime with different kids on different nights).

But he doesn’t actually want to make any sacrifices to his lifestyle/career so doesn’t want to do any school runs and wants to have the kids stay random nights that are convenient to him, not a fixed schedule. Literally the first week he trialled 50:50 he changed the plans twice because of work commitments. He doesn’t make them shower at his house, or do homework and he has no interest in reading school emails and keeping on top of what they need to take in each day. If one of them has an appointment/club on his evening he’ll just take the other two out instead. He just wants them for fun times, doesn’t want to do the boring parts of parenting.

I sometimes wonder if he tells his sister/friends that I’m not letting him have 50:50…

It isn't possible to mandate a person to parent. You ready are not great in applying critical thinking skills.

Force the children to go somewhere with someone who isn’t interested enough to have them for a night or 2? Can you not see how miserable that could be for the children? Yeh it might be nice for the mum to have a few nights off but not at the expense of your children’s happiness and wellbeing

You can't.
The dads are often assholes anyway and the dc's will suffer. Personally I don't think 50/50 is good for kids, better foe the kids to stay and the parents to move back and forth.

I understand how it looks so easy - if you are used to dealing with responsible, civilised adults you would of course assume that they would care for their children 50:50. It's only when you've been married to a selfish/workaholic/unfaithful/abusive person that you realise what's really involved in 'forcing' someone to take equal care of their children.

I would have loved my ex to have had his children 50:50 instead of decamping to the other end of the country and only seeing them once a year (also incidentally whilst not paying a penny towards their care). But that would have presumed that he wanted to. He didn't, so he didn't, and I brought up five children with no money and no support. Forcing him to have them would have done nobody any favours - except possibly me, and I wouldn't have been able to have much of a life because I would have spent my 50% of the time picking up the pieces from the 50% that he had them.

Like everything in life. Just because it is the right thing to do, does not mean you can force another person to do.

Should the dad want to have at least a reasonable share of time with his child, not necessarily 50/50 but every 2nd weekend. YES. Can you force him to, no.

Should you want to visit your elderly sick gran in hospital (assuming no abuse before some one says it) yes. But you can't force someone to.

He goes back to court, no need for a solicitor. She will be required to make his dcs available to him or be in contempt of court and face penalties.

I wouldn't let money stop me seeing my ds, no matter what it took.

Absurd. I would expect 50/50 because DH loves our DC. But absolutely I would not prefer it. Why the fuck would I want half terms alone? I had children because I wanted to be with my children. I'd encourage 50/50 for children's benefit, not my own.

And when he’s spent £££ on that if she simply doesn’t comply?

because that’s what happens.

Then he needs to go to court and get an access order.