Why don't women with kids force the dads to have them 50% of time?

In a nutshell, because their priority is their child's welfare and they know that the father will either make them unwelcome, make himself unavailable or neglect them. You might be able to force someone to have children in their home by simply dropping them and walking away, but you can't force them to care for them, and who would gamble with their children to make a point?

@LifeExperience

We have all those laws. The CMS have those powers. They can remove passports, driving licenses, they can even force the sale of property to pay off what is owed. They just don’t. And every time our politicians are petitioned to discuss it in parliament, they say it’s already a settled matter as these things have already been granted. But they don’t actually push for them to be used. The CMS won’t use them. They’ll even drag their feet at setting up a deduction from earning order (to take the payment direct from their wages before they even get them).

The prisons are full, there'd be no room for all the delinquent dad's 🤷‍♀️

How on earth are you going to force someone to look after their children? As a mum I'd never let my children go unless they were wanted, if I had to try and force someone to have them that didn't want them I couldn't be sure they'd be looked after properly which would be unacceptable.

Not being neglected. They are with their Mum.

CMS have the powers. There’s just zero political will for them to use them

If the dads are sent to prison, they aren’t going to see their kids at all and they certainly aren’t going to be able to contribute financially.

@DontCheetoTheCheetah you are 100% correct in all your posts.

They get away with it because there’s no legal requirement for them to be a parent. After a woman gives birth she is automatically on the birth certificate and would be charged with neglect if she left her child.

My child’s father refuses to have our child ever on his own. Why don’t I leave them with him? Because he doesn’t have any bed or food or clothes etc at his home for our child, and I wouldn’t want to put dc through that. He’s an utter lowlife.

Why on earth would you force your kids to be with someone who doesn’t want to be with them and will most probably neglect them?

Also, not all mums are desperate for time away from their kids. I am off work this week for half term and my son (6) was unexpectedly invited on a trip to the theatre with his best friend. He’s been gone 5 hours and I miss him loads! Unless I have loads to do, I always miss him when I am not with him.

.... because they care about their children and do not want them forced into a situation where they feel unwanted and where they might not be treated well.

ExH was a serving member of the Royal Navy....not sure I could have forced him to have DD when he was ,y'know halfway, across the Atlantic but you know best OP 🙄

Because most mothers don't shove their kids where they aren't wanted

How about parents in the army/who work away?

Are they neglectful too?

Such an offensive comment that minimized something as serious as neglect for which children have DIED and talks about messing with the already overstretched departments trying to save those lives.

Children require ONE responsible guardian, that person does not need to even be a parent or blood... if one person is looking after them well then they are NOT neglected.

You know some women even choose to have kids alone right? I also have a friend who was a lesbian so no 'dad' involved at all.

On top of that I have unfortunately know a few women who left relationships for abuse (one who was left with brain damage from being beaten so badly and another that even involved him raping his own pre-teen child)... should they be forced to share 50/50? I mean hes the dad so he should right, the mam deserves a few days off, who cares about safety of the child.

The world is not black and white.

Funnily enough I couldn't get my husband to look after the kids when he was actually living with them. I really can't imagine him having them to make my life easier or to be a loving father. The problem is you don't know what a man is going to be like as a father until you have children with him. Then it's too late.

There are laws in the UK to imprison NRPs who fail to pay child support. It's just too much like work for child maintenance to enforce.

Stupid is as stupid does.

My sons dad moved 200 miles away 🧐

I’ve seen some people lacking in intelligence, critical thinking and even common sense but this thread… this has to be right up there with the best of them.

I completely agree OP!

It drives me mad that so many fathers decide to just leave and not be involved or barely be involved and it’s seen as ok.

It annoys that just because one parent stays and picks up the slack then they get away with it.

In reality the dad has absolutely no idea whether the mum is taking care of the child properly or even cares.
So how can anyone justify that him leaving a child with their mum means he’s not neglecting them.

Its funny because he can leave and not feed the child or clothe them adequately etc but if the other parent who has actually stuck around didn’t feed them enough then they would be punished (rightly so) but the person who never feeds them gets off Scott free.

It is so frustrating but this is a man’s world and there’s literally nothing you can do about it.
The thousands of women in this situation just have to hope for a bit of maintenance to help out or a couple of hours access time.

In the case of my ex , he barely saw dd1 and there was no way she was being cared for by his awful partner so he stopped seeing her . He couldn’t be forced too see her .

Oh wow, what a way of saying "I don't have kids" without saying it.

All situations are different. Fundamentally, you can't force someone to look after their children and any mother worth her salt wouldn't want to send their children someone they are not welcomed with open arms.

In my case:

1. It wouldn't be right for the kids; they're too young to split their time between two houses.
2. I wouldn't want him to. I grew, breastfed, nurtured and have been the 'go to' parent for these two little children since before they were born. Over my dead body are they spending half their time away from me. Unpopular opinion perhaps.

Fortunately my XP understands the above so he has them once a week overnight and picks them up from the childminder, bathes them at my house and puts them to bed two week nights. We get on well, so this isn't a problem for me.

OP, are you a grown-up?

Firstly being divided evenly between two people is not very good for a child. If there is a distance between them, they miss out on friendships and activities. It makes a lot more sense to have a primary carer and other partner weekends and holidays etc. Secondly, physically being with a child you don't want is not OK, kids need more than just a presence. They need to be fed, washed, interacted with and if someone isn't prepared to do this it is really damaging to the child. Third, making it a criminal offence means either putting someone in prison so child remains 100% with mother who doesn't even get her occasional weekend off anymore at the expense of the taxpayers. Or a hefty fine which will result in less money for the child's needs.

Its complicated by the fact that women get to choose if they want the child or not and men do not get a say. If a man doesn't want to be a father he does not have any control over this but would be deemed a criminal or spend his life paying for the child. If he wants to be a father and the woman chooses not to have it, he has no say whatsoever. That's the system we have chosen and in order for women to have this freedom it comes with a massive caveat that some men get to abandon their kids.

Why on earth would I do that? 🙄 then I’ll be having to give up the £26 a month child maintenance he pays me 🙄

How on earth a good caring mother would be happy to leave her children with someone who see them as a chore and has to be forced to have them? Not to mention all of those men that have been abusive etc.
I would be happy if my ex wanted more contact because I would love he develop a good caring relationship with our DD. As a plus I would have more time for myself, but the priority here is her, not me.
She is my primary priority, her wellbeing, her learning etc is the first. I knew that when I got pregnant.
On his side, he thinks Call of Duty video-game is somehow at the same level of priority as our DD. No in a million years I would think that way.